


Unconventional

by Nimbus_NSFW



Series: Nimbus' Soulmark AU [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Aphobia, Asatananoya is the main pairing/endgame but Asanoya and tananoya happen first, Autochorissexual Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Bullying, Child Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Grey-Asexual Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Happy Ending, Heteronormativity, Homophobia, Insecurity, Internalized Aphobia, Jealousy, M/M, Misgendering, Polyamory, Self-Hatred, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Trans Character, Trans woman Akiteru, Transphobia, bad sex ed videos, cisnormativity, minor character death (past), other ships are side pairings, this sounds pretty negative but it all gets resolved and then the story is just lots of fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2018-07-10 10:29:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 45,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6980650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nimbus_NSFW/pseuds/Nimbus_NSFW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When someone turns seventeen the given name of their soulmate appears on their arm or wrist, provided that their soulmate is at least seventeen too. Nishinoya is worried about being outed by his soulmate's name, but eventually realizes that that is the least of his troubles.</p><p>This is an Asahi x Tanaka (Ryuunosuke) x Nishinoya Soulmark AU fic. I'm using it to explore some possibilities I don't see in Soulmate AU's that often.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prolouge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My laptop is out for repairs so this has been a pain to write. This story is only vaguely planned out so more warnings/tags will probably need to be added.

Nishinoya can’t remember how old he was when he first realized that he was gay. He hadn’t known the term at the time, but he hadn't really cared. It didn't seem like it was a big deal. He had more important things to worry about, like trying to drink as much milk as possible so he could get tall, which was hard because he didn’t like milk.

\---

When he is in sixth grade his class has to watch an educational video about soul mates for the first time. The class is divided up by gender, and the girls are sent to another classroom. Then the teacher puts on the horribly dated video. The video talks about how when they turned seventeen a girl’s given name will appear on their arms or wrists, and that she would be their soulmate. The video says that if their soulmate isn’t seventeen yet then her name won’t show up till she turns seventeen. It explains that it is normal to be interested in other girls before meeting your soulmate, but that after you find her you won’t want anyone else. 

It doesn't talk about what will happen if you are a boy who wants your soul mate to be another boy. 

When the teacher asks for questions after the video is over, he doesn't want to ask the question weighing heavily on his mind. No one else asks about it either. 

That was the day that he realized that maybe liking boys was a bigger deal than he had realized. 

\---  
That summer a new family moves in a few blocks over and Nishinoya meets the Tanakas for the first time when his mom makes him take over a “welcome to the neighborhood” fruit basket. 

The Tanaka’s have a son around his age, named Ryuu. They become fast friends, and they spend most of the summer going back and forth between each other's houses. Nishinoya likes being at the Tanaka’s better because Ryuu’s parents own a restaurant, so most of the time Ryuu’s older sister Saeko is in charge of watching them while their parents work. She lets Noya have as many popsicles as he wants, which makes her pretty much the coolest person he’s ever met. Ryuu says he likes going to Nishinoya’s better because Noya has more game systems.

They go to different middle schools. They both get busy with club activities and homework and they don’t see each other as often. But they still hang out on the weekends if neither of them has a game. 

Noya ignores the fluttery feelings he gets sometimes when Ryuu smiles at him. 

\---  
“If you’re a boy and you don't like girls can you still have a soulmate?”

He doesnt work up the courage to google the question that had been in the back of his mind since that day in sixth grade till he’s halfway through his second year in junior high school. 

Afterwards he wishes he’d done it sooner. 

He finds out that soulmates aren't always boys with girls. He finds out that it's possible for a boy to have a soulmate that is another boy. He learns that even though some people may think so, that he’s not a freak. He learns that people like him are just a different kind of normal. And he finally learns the word for it.

\---

When they find out they’ll be going to the same high school, Ryuu seems just as excited as he is. That summer passes in a blur of sunburns and popsicles and countless hours together. 

They wind up in the same class. They join the volleyball team together.

They’re a mess of tangled limbs as they both try to get comfy on Ryuu’s tiny single bed while they talk about their first volleyball practice as high schoolers. Noya wonders if it’s normal for boys their age to be so comfortable with so much touching. But Ryuu doesn’t seem to mind, so that probably means it’s just Noya making it weird. He tries to focus on the conversation instead of the heat radiating from the points where they are touching.

They were both a little disappointed by the state of Karasuno’s team. It definitely isn't the same as in Saeko’s stories. Neither of them is quite sure how much of that is due to Saeko embellishing the stories and how much is the team just not being the same. It still has potential though. There are some really great second years, and they’re both excited to play regardless.

When Ryuu turns the subject of the conversation to how hot the team’s manager is, Noya wants to tell him that he’d been far more distracted by their teammates than the manager... but the words stick in his throat. 

He knows he should tell Ryuu. But knowing that he should doesn’t make it any easier to actually do it.

He plays along instead, agreeing with whatever it was that Ryuu had said about Kiyoko-san’s eyes. They’re best friends. It seems like that should make this easier, but it just makes it worse. He doesn’t want to lose this any sooner then he has to.

“Did you see if she had a name yet? I was too distracted by how beautiful she was to check.” He asks and tries to reign in a fresh wave of guilt at another lie.

“She doesn’t.” Ryuu responds. “None of the second years do yet.” He adds on like it’s an afterthought.

They’re both quiet for a few moments after that. They’ve not talked about soulmates much in the past. He wonders if that’s his fault, if he unconsciously steered their conversations away from such things. He can feel Ryuu staring at him now, but he focuses instead on a thread that has come loose from his shirt. 

“But she might not be seventeen yet, we should find out when her birthday is.” Ryuu says, breaking the silence. When Noya looks up at him he’s got one of those smiles that pull at something in Noya’s heart aimed directly at him. 

“Totally.” Noya agrees, only managing to keep that feeling out of his voice and off his face because he has so much practice. 

“Want to play something?” He asks gesturing towards the video game console plugged into the small tv across the room from the bed.

“Hell yeah” Ryuu responds, standing to get the controllers and bring them over.

Nishinoya tries to convince himself that he isn't running away from the conversation, that he just needs a break. It sounds like a lie even in his head. He feels like a coward.

\-----  
When they come back from winter break Suga and Daichi have each other's names on their wrists. It’s all over the school, so he hears about it before he actually gets a chance to see it at practice. 

Some of the third years on the team make nasty comments about it when the coach isn't around, but Suga and Daichi just seem happy. 

He feels overwhelmed and kind of like it hasn’t really hit him yet that he knows other people like him in his real life. Daichi is pretty much guaranteed to be captain next year, and the thought of having a gay captain when his soulmark outs him eases some of the anxiety he feels at the thought of being outed.

Asahi is in a bad mood though. Nishinoya can feel it in the force of his spikes and see it in the set of his brow. At first Noya is worried that it’s because he just found out his friends are gay and doesn’t approve or something. He’d been awed by the upperclassman since the first time he’d seen him spike, and the thought that maybe Asahi would dislike him if he found out Noya was gay makes him feel a little sick.

At the end of practice though he finds out that it’s not what he had thought. 

A third year had said something nasty again and Asahi had blown up. The normally meek ace full on yelled at the upperclassman, saying that if he had a problem with gay people he should find himself a new team because Asahi’s also into guys, and the three of them are going to stick with this team whether they are wanted or not.

Of course this is the interaction that the coaches do notice, and they reprimand Asahi. Asahi accepts the coach's words politely but without apology. 

Knowing that Asahi is gay feels different than knowing Suga and Daichi are. He thinks it’s because it’s the first time he’s let himself think “what if they’re my soulmate?” about an actual person. The possibility brings a blush to his face, which he hopes people think is due to the workout they just finished not his thoughts of large hands and stubble. 

Later when Ryuu and him walk home together there’s a tension to Noya’s muscles that has nothing to do with the workout. Ryuu hadn’t seemed disgusted by the day's’ revelations but honestly Nishinoya hadn’t been paying that close attention to Ryuu’s reactions. He had been too busy having his own. 

Besides even if Ryuu didn't have a problem with the second years being gay it didn't mean he’d be ok with Noya being gay. It’s easier to accept things that are distant and not regularly sleeping in the same bed as you. And while neither of them would ever call it cuddling, they did cuddle a lot. 

His heart hurts when he thinks about never getting any more of Ryuu’s hugs. 

Nishinoya is startled from his thoughts by an arm around his shoulder and a loud whistle from somewhere above his head. 

“That was the most interesting volleyball practice I’ve ever been to in my liiiiiiiife” Ryuu says in an impressed tone. 

Noya still feels wary but when he looks up Ryuu is smiling at him and it makes him feel better then it probably should.

“Yeah, did you see that third year’s face when Asahi-san started yelling at him?” Nishinoya responds. The third year had been shocked and definitely more than a little scared of the second year ace. “I thought he was going to pee his pants.”

“Me toooo, oh my god” Ryuu says, exaggerating his words for emotional emphasis. “I totally get why he was scared though, I didn’t even know Asahi-san could yell like that.”

“Mmm” Is all Nishinoya can manage in response. Now that the surprise has worn off he just feels confusingly turned on when he thinks about Asahi’s serious face and raised voice. He needs to get his shit together, he can try to figure out why he finds that hot later. There’s no exercise to blame if he gets a blush now.

“Yeah, he’d been grumpy all practice. I was kinda starting to worry that he was upset with Suga-san and Daichi-san or something.” Noya says without thinking and regrets it immediately. 

“Ah I knew it wasn’t that.” Tanaka says, he still has his arm around Noya’s shoulder and the warmth from Tanaka’s arm is seeping into his shoulders despite the several layers of clothing separating them. “He kept glaring at the third years all practice.”

They lapse back into silence after that. They’re almost to the point where they have to go their separate ways to get to their respective houses when Nishinoya finally works up the courage to ask what he wants to ask.

“So you’re ok with it then? Suga and Daichi being soulmates?” His voice sounds small even to him and he’s sure the nervousness he’s trying so hard to hide is showing through. 

“Yeah, course.” Ryuu doesn’t even hesitate to respond and his response is so firm. There’s no heaviness to his voice, but his tone leaves no room for doubt either. Nishinoya is reminded again why he likes Ryuu so much. “You?”

Ryuu’s looking at him, curious and open and non-judgemental, and Nishinoya knows this is the perfect opportunity to tell him.

“Yeah, less competition for Kiyoko-san this way.” He says instead. Ryuu’s responding laughter is loud in the quiet neighborhood. They go their separate ways. Noya spends the rest of his evening kicking himself for being a coward and chickening out of such a great opportunity.

The third years stop coming to practice after that. No one really misses them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is unbeta’d so while I tried to correct things myself sorry for any I have missed. Comments/kudos/messages appreciated~


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am not sure how many people saw the nasty comment posted on the last chapter before I deleted it (if you did I am sorry you had to see that) but if it becomes a recurring problem I will turn on comment moderation or require people to be logged in or something. Not entirely sure what my options are or what would be best but I’ll figure it out. Thank you to everyone else who commented on the first chapter though. I am glad others are enjoying this fic.

“Daichi-san, can I talk to you about something?” Nishinoya asks the upperclassman one day after practice. He’s already told Ryuu to go ahead without him, so Noya hopes Daichi has the time to talk to him today. 

He’s nervous. He feels ridiculous for being nervous, but he is. He’s in his second year now, and his seventeenth birthday is fast approaching. And he still hasn’t told anyone. 

Daichi takes in the expression on his face and seems to make a decision based on what he sees, although Nishinoya isn't sure what that is.

“Sure.” Daichi responds. 

When Daichi says goodbye to Suga, they don’t kiss. Noya notices the way their hands linger on each other, though. The two have been dating since Daichi’s birthday, but Noya’s only seen them kiss once and only then because he forgot something in the club room and had to go back for it. He’s never been sure if their avoidance of PDA was just a personal preference or if they were trying to avoid additional hassle from others. 

“You want to grab something to eat while we talk?” Daichi asks as he grabs his bag and heads to the door of the club room. “My treat”

Despite the nerves, Noya smiles. 

“Hell yeah” he responds, following Daichi out of the door.

They wind up at a ramen shop not far from the school. Daichi tells him to order whatever he wants. He orders the biggest thing on the menu, because practice always leaves him starving. 

Daichi waits a few minutes after they’ve ordered, probably trying to give Nishinoya a chance to start the conversation himself. Eventually he seems to realize that Noya is not going to start the conversation and clears his throat.

“So, you had something you wanted to talk to me about?” Daichi says. Noya knows Daichi is looking at him but he continues to pretend to be very interested in the small potted plant on their table. 

“Uh, yeah.” Noya starts. He had planned for this, he’d gone over all of the things he wanted to say a thousand times, but now that it was actually time to do this he couldn't remember any of the things he had prepared. “Ummm… so my birthday is coming up…” 

“Mhmm” Daichi responds like he already knew this, which he probably did. Last year Ryuu had completely derailed practice with a variety of birthday themed surprises. “You’re turning seventeen right?”

“Uh… yeah” Nishinoya responds. He’s so frustrated. This shouldn’t be so hard. But he’s never done this before, and it is reaaaally hard.

Their food arrives and there is a few moments of silence while they both start eating. Nishinoya is not sure if he has the courage to start the conversation up again.

“You don’t seem excited about that.” Daichi states eventually, saving Noya the trouble. Daichi doesn’t ask why, Nishinoya isn’t sure if he’s just being patient or if he’s already figured it out.

“Yeah, um… I don’t even know if I’ll get a name right away or anything… but um, when I do…” Nishinoya takes a deep breath before barrelling forward with the rest of what he has to say. “It’s going to be a boys name.”

Nishinoya can't look at Daichi. He picks at his food instead. He isn’t sure what expression Daichi has on his face. Logically he knows Daichi’s not going to be upset or weirded out by this, but fear isn’t logical and he’s scared.

“Okay.” Daichi says, it’s calm and level. It’s not exuberant approval or anything, not that he was expecting that, but Nishinoya thinks he prefers this simple acceptance. “Thank you for trusting me with this information.”

Nishinoya isn’t sure what to say next. He has things he wants to say, things he wants to ask, but he has no idea where to start.

“Does your family know?” Daichi asks, once again rescuing their conversation from Noya’s ineptitude. 

“Um, no.” Nishinoya starts, he fidgets with his chopsticks nervously. “You’re actually the first person I’ve told. Like ever.” 

Noya tries to chuckle, to relieve the awkwardness he is feeling, but it sounds off and nervous even to him.

Daichi seems a little surprised by this admission and Nishinoya doesn’t want to admit that he knows why. So he goes back to picking at what remains of his food instead. 

“So, you haven’t told Tanaka?” Daichi asks. Noya knew the question was coming but it still kind of feels like a punch to the gut when it does. He feels soooo guilty about not having told Ryuu, the fact that other people apparently expect him to have just makes it worse. 

“You haven’t.” Daichi says, probably having read the answer on Nishinoya’s face. “That’s ok, you know. As much as possible coming out should be something that happens only when you are ready for it to happen.” 

“My birthday’s in less than a week. I’m pretty much out of time for ‘finding the right moment’.” Noya responds, he tries to keep the bitterness out of his voice but isn't sure how successful he is. Having a soulmate seems great, being outed by his soulmate's name, not so much. 

“There’s been plenty of opportunity but I keep chickening out.” Noya adds.

“Then don’t tell him.” Daichi says matter of factly. Nishinoya looks at him skeptically. 

“I’m serious.” Daichi says in response to Noya’s facial expression. “If you don’t want to tell him, don’t.”

“But my birthd-” Nishinoya starts but Daichi cuts him off.

“Is in less than a week, we’ve established that. But so what? Like you said you might not even get a name right away. And if you do, well, he’ll know then right? If you don’t want to tell him, you don’t have to.” Daichi says. 

Nishinoya admits that what Daichi is saying has a certain appeal, but he still feels so guilty. He’s been lying to his best friend, and keeping what feels like a really big secret.

“I feel so guilty about it though.” Nishinoya says, voicing his concerns.

“Well, you can’t really control what you feel so I’m not going to tell you something like ‘don’t feel guilty’ but I am going to tell you that you don’t need to feel guilty. You’re not doing anything wrong.” Daichi says, he’s already finished his meal but he sips his drink in the breaks in their conversation. 

“I’m lying to him, and keeping a really big secret.” Nishinoya can’t keep the emotion out of his voice. He can't identify what exactly that emotion is, just that it feels shitty.

“We live in a society that forces heteronormativity on people. Lying because you aren’t ready to be out yet isn’t something you need to feel guilty for.” Daichi says. Nishinoya isn’t exactly sure what “heteronormativity” means but it sounds smart and Daichi seems like he knows what he’s talking about so Noya just decides to try and believe him and look the word up later. 

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think he’ll care.” Daichi adds on. “That you’re into guys, or that you didn’t tell him. I mean, you know him better, but this doesn’t seem like the type of thing that’d get to him.” 

Noya can’t entirely believe what Daichi’s saying, and he still feels guilty when he thinks about lying to Ryuu, but he does feel a little better. Like the pressure that has been increasing on him as his birthday crept closer and closer has been eased somewhat.

“How do you think things will go with your family?” Daichi asks. He is straightforward, but Noya can see a slight apprehension in the set of his jaw and the too tight grip he has on his cup. Noya’s never thought to wonder how Daichi and Suga’s families handled them being outed, there had been so much drama with the volleyball club to focus on instead, but now he wonders. 

“I don’t know, I don’t think they’ll be happy exactly, but I don’t think it’ll be too bad.” He replies shrugging. “Mom probably won't care once I remind her that this doesn’t necessarily mean I won't have kids.”

“I’m glad.” Daichi says, smiling at Nishinoya’s response. 

When the bill comes, Daichi drops some cash onto the little tray. Nishinoya isn’t the best at math and he’s not sure exactly how much their food was, but he’s pretty sure that is a fair bit more than a reasonable tip.

They gather their belongings and head to the door. The restaurant is getting busier so they probably need the table.

“Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?” Daichi asks once they are outside. 

“Uhm, no.” Nishinoya says. There probably is, but he can't think of anything right now.

“Here, give me your phone. I’ll add mine and Suga’s numbers. You can text or call either of us if anything comes up.” Daichi says, holding his hand out. Nishinoya unlocks his phone and hands it to him. 

Daichi enters both numbers in without having to look at his own phone, which means he has Suga’s memorized. Then he hands the phone back to Noya.

“Thank you Daichi-san.” Nishinoya says with a bow. 

When he straightens up again Daichi has his hand on the back of his neck and an expression that looks like a toned down version of something Asahi commonly wears. 

“It’s no problem. Thank you for trusting me with this.” Daichi responds. ”I hope I was able to help somewhat.”

“You totally did!” Noya exclaims loudly. Daichi reprimands him for shouting in front of the restaurant, but he can’t entirely keep the smile from his face so it doesn’t work as well as he was probably hoping.

They say their goodbyes and head their separate ways.

It’s dark now, but the weather is nice and the stars are bright and Noya feels better than he’s felt outside of the focus of volleyball in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don’t really know what ramen shops are like orz, I’ve only been to one once and I don’t remember it very well. My version of Daichi is based on a post I saw on tumblr and can no longer find (I have too many pages of Daichi stuff on that blog) that talked about the idea of Daichi being a rich kid. I really liked that idea. So I’m rolling with that. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, comments are greatly appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy.

The first few minutes of his birthday are ok. 

As he slowly drifts into consciousness he doesn’t even remember that it is his birthday, at first. His bed is warm and comfortable, there is gentle sunlight coming in through his window, and he can hear his mom singing in the kitchen while she cooks. It smells like chocolate and banana pancakes, which are his favorite.

But as he stretches himself awake the knowledge of what today is hits him and it's like everything is suddenly worse. His blankets are too constricting, the sunlight too bright, and the smell of food makes him feel like he’s going to be sick. 

It feels hard to breathe.

The thought of having to get out of bed and face his parents, who are probably excited and happy for today, with the knowledge that, if he gets a name, their excitement is going to turn into disappointment is bad. The thought of having to face the fact that he still hasn’t told Ryuu is worse.

At least it’s a Saturday, he tries to console himself. He doesn’t have school or practice today, which means he can leave worrying about those things for later and focus all his worries on his family and Ryuu instead.

He doesn’t really have a plan as he gets out of bed and changes into the first clothing items he can find in his mess of a closet. He just knows he needs more time. Ryuu doesn’t wake up as early as Noya does, but even so it’s only a matter of time before he shows up. They hadn’t talked about any specific plans for his birthday, but Ryuu always makes a big deal about it. There is no doubt in his mind that his friend will want to hang out today.

As he grabs his phone from where it was charging on his desk he notices the little notification light blinking to indicate that he has new messages. When he checks, he has new text messages from Daichi, Ennoshita, Narita, and Kinoshita. All variations of happy birthday. He also has two messages from Kageyama. The first being a completely lowercase and misspelled happy birthday and the second, received a whole five minutes later that he thinks is supposed to say ‘this is kageyama’ but he’s not entirely sure. He hadn’t even known Kageyama had his number. Or knew his birthday, for that matter.

He also has no less than fifty new messages from Ryuu. Which makes him glad he had the forethought to silence his phone before bed last night. Ryuu’s not the earliest of risers but he always likes to be the first to say happy birthday so he always stays up and texts Noya at midnight. 

Noya’s not brave enough to even open them. Instead he shoves his phone in his pocket and heads out of his bedroom and into the hallway.

At the far end of the hallway he can see the light coming in through the decorative glass on the front door, and he is tempted to just keep going. To not even acknowledge his parents and just run out the door and disappear for a while. 

But if he does that his mom will probably be worried, and he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want to cause her any more trouble than he’s already going to.

When he passes the dining room he can see his dad, seated at the table in front of what is left of his breakfast and reading a newspaper, already dressed in his work clothes. The scene before him is one he’s seen almost every day for his entire life, and the familiarity is comforting and painful at the same time. 

His dad has a tendency to get rather engrossed in his reading and he doesn’t look up from the paper as Noya passes through to the kitchen. 

His mother, on the other hand, probably heard him the moment he opened his bedroom door and she turns her attention to him the moment he enters the kitchen.

“Happy Birthday Yuu!” She exclaims coming forward to wrap him in a hug. He doesn’t miss the way her eyes drop to search his arms first though. It makes him feel even more sick to his stomach. And it’s ridiculous. He was born in the evening so it’s not like he’d have a name yet and she knows that.

He tries to just reciprocate the hug but he feels stiff and uncomfortable. He’s always been on pretty good terms with his mom, and he doesn’t know how to handle this. Luckily she doesn’t seem to notice his uncomfortableness and turns back to the stove and the food she was cooking.

He is once again tempted to just make a break for the door and not look back.

“Thanks mom, I’m actually going to head out for a bit now. I’ll be back later” He manages as he makes his way towards the door. Not exactly his best impression of ‘everything is fine’ but still better then not saying anything he reasons.

His mom turns to frown at him, even as she flips a pancake. 

“But you haven’t even eaten breakfast yet, and I made your favorite.” She says. 

He has to swallow past a fresh wave of nausea at the thought of eating before he can manage to speak again.

“Sorry mom, I have stuff to do” he lies. He really should try to get out of the habit of lying so much. 

“Just wrap some up for me and I’ll eat them when I get home?” He adds, trying to smooth things over. He doesn’t want her to think he doesn’t appreciate it, but he’s pretty sure he’ll be sick if he eats anything.

She doesn’t stop frowning but when she sighs he knows he’s won. 

“Fine but say goodbye to your father before you go.” She says. 

Noya doesn’t want to. He’s already so close to the door. But he forces himself to go back into the dining room where his father is still seated and reading the newspaper.

“I’m heading out now dad, see you later. I hope work goes well.” He says in a rush that he hopes comes off as more excited than nervous. 

When his dad looks up from his paper he looks momentarily confused. His dad always has to take an extra moment to adjust when his reading is interrupted. 

“Oh” He responds, glancing at his watch and then back to Noya. He also checks Noya’s arms before looking back at his face. “Well, okay then.”

Noya’s already heading out the door by the time his dad adds a “Text us if you’re going to miss dinner.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this chapter and the next were actually supposed to be one chapter but I felt it was getting too long so I decided to split it into two and this was the place I thought it’d be best to do that. I wasn’t sure if people would rather read this one and the next one all together or separately so I decided to post them both tonight so everyone can decide for themselves. Hope you enjoyed.
> 
> Comments / kudos / messages are appreciated.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here’s the next part, hope you enjoy.

Noya’s not really sure where he’s going. He just knows that he isn’t ready to deal with this yet and if he doesn’t leave he’s going to have to deal with it. 

He walks for almost a block before he realizes that he’s auto-piloting to the Tanaka’s. Which is like the opposite of where he wants to be right now. So he turns around and heads in the opposite direction. He probably looks ridiculous.

The further and longer he walks the calmer he feels though. And eventually he’s calmed down enough to regret not having thought to grab his wallet or his ipod. If he really is going to stay out avoiding people all day those would have been rather useful. 

Eventually he finds himself at school. Which makes no sense because he had been pretty sure he was walking in basically the opposite direction but he must have gotten turned around at some point. He can see a few teams practicing in the distance on the school’s fields but the area by the gyms and club rooms is deserted. 

He wanders for a while, not really focusing on where he’s going which he should have already learned was a mistake. When he looks up to find himself standing in front of the gym the volleyball team uses he isn’t really surprised. He feels around in his pockets and is relieved to find he did at least remember his keys. 

Daichi gave him a key a while back to stop Noya from hasseling him to show up early for extra practice. After figuring out which key it is, it looks so much like his house key, he unlocks the door and heads inside.

He hadn’t planned on spending the day practicing but now that he’s here it doesn’t seem like a terrible idea. Without his wallet or ipod he doesn’t really have much else he can do while he avoids people. 

The notification light is blinking again when he goes to set his phone down off to the side so it won’t get damaged. He can’t make himself check it though. Instead he goes and pulls out a bin of volleyballs and starts running some drills. 

He lets himself sink into the focus he can only achieve with volleyball. He wonders briefly if this is how his dad feels when he reads. Time passes, but he isn’t aware of it. He’s no longer aware of anything besides the sweat on his back and the sting of the volleyball on his arms and the burning in his throat that tells him he should have brought a water bottle. 

When the door to the gym opens it disrupts his focus so abruptly that he misses the ball completely and it slams to the ground as he blinks at the person standing in the doorway. 

It’s Ryuu. Noya didn’t realize it was possible to be this surprised and yet somehow not surprised at all simultaneously.   
For a moment neither of them move or say anything. They just stand there staring at each other. 

Then Ryuu takes off his shoe and throws it at Noya.

“Dude!” Ryuu yells. “What the fuck”

The shoe bounces harmlessly off of Noya’s chest and Noya watches it fall to the ground. He’s not really sure why Ryuu is angry at him, not because of a lack of possible reasons but rather an over abundance of them. He doesn’t want to look at Ryuu so he stares at the shoe instead and tries to figure out what to say.

“You’re a jerk.” Ryuu says bluntly. “You shouldn’t make your friend worry so much about you by disappearing and not answering your phone.”

He wants to point out that he’s only been gone a few hours at most and that he’s been here, which is hardly the same as ‘disappearing’ but Ryuu seems genuinely upset and he feels plenty guilty so all he manages is a mumbled

“Sorry.”

It’s quiet, but even so it sounds choked with all of the emotions he’s been denying for way too long. All the guilt and the fear and even a hint of self hatred that he doesn’t want to admit is there.

He’s so focused on his thoughts and the shoe on the ground that he doesn’t notice Ryuu approaching till his arms are wrapping around him and he’s being pulled into a hug. Noya doesn’t know how to respond. Doesn’t know how to process this situation. Part of him wants to just melt into the hug and let the warmth of Ryuu’s chest and arms lull him into a pleasant state of happiness and security. But another part of him can’t ignore the intense unhappy emotions that have guided him all day. That part of him just wants to pull away from the hug and get this over with.

He winds up just doing nothing. Standing there limply while Ryuu hugs him, neither pulling away nor returning the hug. 

“Dude, c’mon” Ryuu says a hint of pleading on his voice, “talk to me.”

Noya can’t think of anything to say. Can’t think of a convincing lie, can’t decide if he even wants to bother. When he finally opens his mouth he still hasn’t decided what to say and he isn’t sure what will come out.

“I’m… I’m gay” he says. He’s still terrified about what response he’ll get but he does feel some kind of relief at finally having said it.

“I… if I get a name, it’s going to be a boys name.” The words come easier the more he talks, but he still feels like he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. For his words to sink in and for Ryuu to let go. 

“Dude. Fuck. For real?” Ryuu asks. His arms stay wrapped around Noya, one hand rubbing soothing patterns against his back, but he does lean back to try to get a better look at Noya’s face. 

Noya avoids eye contact. He manages a nod in response to Ryuu’s question. He can’t really process what’s going on. Hasn’t let himself ever imagine a positive outcome to a scenario like this, can’t let himself think that might be what is happening or it’ll hurt worse when he’s wrong.

“Well, shit.” Ryuu says, still with his arms around Noya. This is taking longer than he had thought it would but he’s still waiting for the recoil, still sure it will come. 

“Well, it makes more sense now why you would always stare at Asahi’s butt so much.” Ryuu says after seeming to think it over for a while. “I mean he’s got a pretty nice butt I suppose but like seriously dude the amount of time you spend ogling it is a bit excessive.”

Noya tries to come up with some sort of response but chokes instead, sending himself into a coughing fit. This actually does get Ryuu to stop hugging him as he steps back to allow Noya more room to breathe. He keeps one hand on Noya’s back though, patting it in a manner that is less helpful than he probably thinks. 

“What?!” Noya manages to wheeze out eventually. 

“I mean he’s got a nice butt, but not that nice.” Ryuu says shrugging unapologetically. Like none of this was a big deal, like this wasn’t the moment Noya’d been dreading their entire friendship. Like he hadn’t just talked about Asahi’s butt. 

Noya’s head is reeling. Between the exercise earlier, the coughing fit, and the fact that this isn’t a response he ever considered his brain is having a bit of a hard time keeping up. He decides he needs to sit down before he starts getting dizzy. Here is as good a spot as any he figures, and he sinks to the floor.

Ryuu sits down next to him, bumping their shoulders together before settling in a spot that is close but not touching. He seems content to just sit in silence for the time being so Noya tries to gather his thoughts enough to ask one of the many many questions he has now.

“So... “ He starts, and has to clear his throat again, his voice coming out rough from coughing. “So, you’re ok with it then?”

Ryuu bumps his shoulder against his again but this time he stays closer, like he knows that Noya needs all the reassurance he can get.

“Course. You’re my best bro. I don’t give a shit if you’re into dudes.” He responds, his tone light and friendly, but sure. No hint of any doubts or hesitation.

“‘Sides…” Ryuu continues, in a decidedly different tone. This one isn’t one Noya’s used to hearing from Ryuu. It’s uncertain and hesitant and maybe just a little scared. “I, um. I don’t know I’m going to get a girls name.”

Not for the first time today, Nishinoya feels like he can’t breathe. He’s not sure what kind of facial expression he’s making, not sure if Ryuu’s even looking because holy shit. What.

“I’m still kinda hoping it’ll be Kiyoko, or some other pretty girl.” Ryuu continues nervously. “But um… it might not be. I don’t know.”

“Saeko says it’s called being bi.” He says with a shrug. “I’m still kind of confused about all of it. People are just really cute y’know?” He ends with a frustrated huff. 

“Saeko knows?” Nishinoya asks. He has a lot he wants to ask but that’s the first question that makes it out of his mouth.

“Um yeah...” Ryuu responds. He’s picking at a loose string in his shorts now. “I um, I was talking to her after Daichi and Suga got outed and she was really glad to find out I was ok with that sort of thing. Apparently she’s a lesbian, so like we wound up crying and talking about shit for a while. It was gross, we got snot like, everywhere.”

“Saeko is a lesbian?” He asks. Looking back he could see why he wouldn’t have noticed with Ryuu but how could he miss that with Saeko. She had had a name for like forever, he’d seen it, though now that he thought about it he couldn’t remember what it was.

“Yeah, well the name she got is gender ambiguous so like you wouldn’t know just by looking at it.” Ryuu says, seeming to read Noya’s mind. “But she’s definitely not into dudes so it’s got to be a girl’s name right?”

Conversation flows easily after that. They’ve always had an easy time talking to each other, but somehow it feels a million times better without the secrets they were both apparently keeping hanging over them. The topic wanders to this and that, they become a tangled heap on the floor from all of the cuddling. They completely lose track of time.

When a mild burning sensation starts on his inner forearm near his elbow his first thought is that he must have been stung by some insect. Insects have always loved biting and stinging him for some reason. But when he looks down to shoo the bug away instead he sees black lettering blooming across his skin. Forming a name.

“Asahi”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I’m like 90% sure Asahi is actually going to be in the next chapter. ;; Hope you enjoyed. Comments are appreciated!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kudos bookmarks and comments. They are all super appreciated. I hope I can continue to write stuff people like.
> 
> I’m not sure how best to denote something that a character is reading so for now I will use [brackets]. If that isn’t a good option or if anyone has any other suggestions please let me know.

When Ryuu sees the expression on Noya’s face he jokes about how maybe now Noya will have a chance to “touch the butt”. Noya can tell he is trying to make him feel better and it works, but for a moment he thinks he sees something sad in Ryuu’s expression. Whatever it is, it’s gone too fast for Noya to even be sure it was there. 

“You talked to your family about this yet?” Ryuu asks. This causes Noya to notice for the first time the angle of the sunlight slanting through the high windows that tells him that its is much later then he realized. He should have figured it out when he got a name, because he knows when he was born and it’s always sometime around then, but he had been too distracted by thoughts like ‘holy shit Asahi might actually be my soulmate’. 

“Shit.” Noya says and Ryuu’s eyebrows raise in surprise and concern. “Shit, what time is it? I was supposed to be home in time for dinner.”

Noya scrambles to his feet, almost tripping as he tries to detangle his legs from Ryuu’s, and rushes over to where his phone is laying by the sidelines. He has a ton of new texts, most of them Ryuu, and several missed calls, again most of them Ryuu. He has one missed call from his mother, which was followed by a text that said 

[Your father said you would be home in time for dinner. Please contact me soon so I don’t worry.] 

Ryuu had followed him from their place on the floor at some point, and was probably reading the text over Noya’s shoulder. If it was someone else it might have made Noya feel self conscious, but not with Ryuu.

[Sorry lost track of time. Will be home soon.]

Noya types out the reply quickly before sending it. His parents aren’t really the types to get too angry with him for this sort of thing but he feels guilty enough for having made his mom worried.

When he turns to face Ryuu, the other boy takes a step back. Noya hadn’t really noticed how close they had been standing but had Ryuu not stepped back Noya’d probably be talking directly to his chest now. Ryuu is looking away and blushing slightly, he rubs the back of his neck with one hand nervously. The whole situation feels awkward.

Noya had been so focused on worrying that Ryuu finding out he was gay was going to change their friendship, he hadn’t even thought to worry about how having a soulmate might change their friendship. They were used to being very handsy with each other, but now he wasn’t sure what was appropriate and it seemed like Ryuu wasn’t either.

And that wasn’t even getting into the fact that those warm uncomfortable feelings he didn’t want to admit he had for his best friend hadn’t gone away. He supposes that since it hasn’t been very long yet and he hasn’t even seen Asahi since things had happened that maybe that will change soon. But what if it doesn’t? How does he navigate having these kinds of feelings for someone who is not his soul mate?

The questions swirling in his head are too daunting and he still has too much to worry about right now, so he pushes those thoughts away. For now at least, pretending those feelings and thoughts don’t exist is the best he can do.

“Come home with me?” He asks and if his voice sounds nervous he will blame it on the fact that he now has to come out to his parents. “You could spend the night? Mom probably made too much food anyway.” 

Ryuu doesn’t respond right away and for a moment Noya is worried he’ll say no. But then Ryuu takes a deep breath and looks at him with a smile. 

“Sure. Love your mom’s cooking.” He says, like nothing’s changed and this is just like any of the countless other times they’ve been to each other's houses.

On the way back to Noya’s house they argue about who is the better cook, Noya’s mom or Ryuu’s dad. Ryuu is arguing in favor of Noya’s mom being the better cook and Noya in favor of Ryuu’s dad. Ryuu points out that pretty much the only way to get his dad to cook for them is to eat in the restaurant because his dad cooks so much there he never wants to cook during his time off, whereas Noya’s mom will cook for them pretty much whenever they ask. Noya points out that Ryuu’s dad can cook a lot more dishes than Noya’s mom. His mom’s cooking is good and she is talented in the kitchen but she’s still an amature. Ryuu’s dad is a professional and has way more training and experience and can cook a much wider range of dishes. 

They do not determine a winner. They never do.

When they reach the corner of the street Noya’s house is on, his steps falter and slow to a stop. Ryuu only gets a few feet ahead of him before noticing and turning back to him. 

“You ok?” Ryuu asks, coming back to stand near him.

Noya almost answers “yes” or “i’m fine”, because that’s what you do when people ask if you’re ok. But that wouldn’t be honest and he wants to start being more honest with everyone, but Ryuu especially.

“I’m scared.” He says instead. 

He feels embarrassed for being scared. There’s not really anything to be scared of, his parents may be disappointed but they’d never hate him or hurt him or kick him out over this. There are a lot of people like him that have it way worse, he thinks back to how tense Daichi was when he asked about Noya’s parents, so why can’t he just stop being such a scared baby and get over this. 

He’s staring at a crack in the sidewalk when he says it, but in his peripherals he can see the rise and fall of Ryuu’s chest as he takes a deep breath.

Ryuu pulls him into a hug. His arms wrap tightly around Noya’s shoulders and one calloused hand rubs the back of his neck gently. When Ryuu speaks, Noya can feel the vibration where his face is pressed against Ryuu’s chest. 

“It’s going to be ok.” Ryuu says voice sure and calm and almost as comforting as this hug. “Your parent’s will get over it, and I’ll be there with you.”

Noya tries to take a deep breath, but it comes out shuddery. He’s actually worried he might start crying. Ryuu squeezes him a bit tighter. Noya tries again. This time he actually manages a good calm deep breath. 

“Thanks” Noya says as he steps back and Ryuu’s arms drop. 

“No prob bro.” Ryuu says. “If I freak out about my soulmark you owe me though”

It’s said jokingly and it brings a smile to Noya’s face. They walk the rest of the way to Noya’s front door without further incident. When they reach the front door Noya takes another deep breath before opening it and heading inside. 

“Mom! I’m home! I brought Ryuu too!” He calls out from the entrance as he kicks off his shoes. Ryuu takes off his shoes as well, but he sets his neatly to the side and even picks up Noya’s shoes from where they fell to set them neatly. Ryuu’s mom is particular about that sort of thing so Ryuu’s always been a bit neater than Noya. 

Noya’s mom comes out of the doorway that leads to the kitchen. She’s wiping her hands on her apron as she emerges, probably having been washing dishes when they arrived. Her eyes go immediately to his arms, he realizes he has subconsciously covered up the name with his other hand. She notices the awkward positioning and when she looks at his face he can see the question in her expression before she even has a chance to ask it. 

“Um, can we talk? I have something I need to tell you.” He says before she can ask. She looks worried, and he feels bad for making her worry, again, but he realizes he wants the chance to tell her not just have her figure it out from looking at his arm.

She glances behind him at Ryuu, and whatever she sees there seems to calm her down somewhat. She unties her apron and sets it down in the kitchen before gesturing for them to follow her into the living room. His father is still at work, and Noya is slightly glad for that. He gets along fine with his dad, but he’s always been closer with his mother. He’s hoping that once she’s had a chance to come to terms with things that she’ll have some ideas about how best to tell his father. 

Once in the living room his mother sits down in the arm chair. Noya sits on the couch on the end closest to the arm chair, Ryuu sits next to him. They are close, and the light press of Ryuu’s thigh against his own is comforting. 

His mother’s hands are knotted together with worry and she’s frowning. He should probably get this over with as quickly as possible so she doesn’t continue to come up with worse possibilities.

He takes a deep breath.

“Mom, I’m gay.” He watches as her eyebrows scrunch together in confusion.

“What?” She asks, it causes his stomach to lurch apprehensively even though it was clearly said in confusion rather than distaste or malice.

“I, um… I like boys. Not girls.” He clarifies. Part of him wants to look away but instead he watches her face trying to gauge her reaction by every minute movement.

The confusion remains but the worry returns. 

“But you got a name.” She says, looking pointedly to where his hand was still covering Asahi’s name on his arm. He doesn’t know how to respond to that, isn’t sure what she is asking, isn’t sure if she is asking anything as that wasn’t phrased as a question.

Ryuu seems to notice him floundering and clears his throat. Both Noya and his mom turn to stare at him. He looks uncomfortable, but that’s understandable given the situation.

“Boys can get boys names if they’re into boys.” Ryuu says, and realization dawns on Noya. Had his mom thought he had gotten a girl’s name? He looks to her and sees that confusion has once again become the dominant emotion on her face. 

“So you… you got a boys name?” She asks. She seems uncertain, and still a bit worried, but there’s still no hint of disapproval.

“Uh, yeah… “ He says and finally removes his hand from his arm so she can see Asahi’s name. She reaches for his hand and holds it in one of hers as she gently runs the fingers of her other hand over the name. It tickles but he tries not to react. Her eyebrows are scrunched together again and she seems to be thinking about something. 

“Isn’t this the name of one of the boys on your volleyball team?” She asks, looking up at his face. 

Noya, caught off guard by his mother’s question, apparently makes a funny face because Ryuu chuckles when he sees it. Noya can feel a blush burning his cheeks and he elbows Ryuu to get him to shut up. 

“Um, yeah. A third year.” Noya says, answering his mom’s question. “It might not mean him though. It might be some other Asahi.”

His mom seems to think about this for a moment before responding. 

“Do you want it to be him?” She asks.

His face feels like it’s on fire. He nods, not trusting his voice when he’s feeling this much embarrassment. 

His mom is still frowning and her eyebrows are still all scrunchy and it’s not helping his nerves one bit. He still feels like he’s waiting for her reaction, her approval or disapproval. Not just confusion and consideration and worry. He doesn’t know what to say though.

“I think you’ll like Asahi, Auntie.” Ryuu says addressing Noya’s mom. “He’s a pretty great guy, and he’s totally in love with Noya.”

“What- How- Since when?” Noya sputters turning to look at Ryuu. Ryuu just smiles at him and shrugs, which is not helpful. How can he just say something like that out of the blue and not explain himself. 

“Well, as long as this is what you want.” His mom says and his attention shifts back to her. She still looks a bit worried, but this is the acceptance he had been hoping for. He can work on getting her more comfortable with it over time. 

He gets up and hugs her. She seems surprised at first but hugs him back. 

“Thank you mom.” He says into her shoulder. It’s quiet, but heavy with emotions. She tightens her arms around him briefly. 

“Of course Yuu, your father and I just want you to be safe and happy.” She says, patting his face as he pulls out of the hug. 

“Speaking of Dad…” Noya begins. His mother sighs, knowing where he is going.

“Would you like me to tell your father?” She offers. It’s better than he hoped.

“That would be great.” He responds. “Thank you Mom.”

She glances at the clock on the wall, probably seeing how long until his father gets home. 

“There’s food in the kitchen, why don’t you boys go make yourselves some plates and eat in Yuu’s room.” She says. 

Ryuu and him do that, each loading up a plate with tons of food and heading off to his bedroom. They don’t talk much while they eat, both apparently hungrier than they had realized. They hear his father’s greeting when he gets home. They don’t hear anything of the conversation that no doubt followed, but twenty minutes later his dad knocks on his door. 

“Come in.” Noya says, trying to calm his nerves and wishing he had not eaten so much. When his father opens the door he still has his work clothes on and he is frowning. He doesn’t seem angry, but he definitely isn’t pleased. His hands are interlocked and he twiddles his thumbs nervously. Noya’s not sure he’s ever seen his dad look this uncomfortable before.

He doesn’t miss the way his dad’s gaze lingers on the name on his arm before meeting his eyes.

“Your mother has told me about the, uh- situation, with your soulmark.” His dad states. He clears his throat. “I just want to make sure you know that your mother and I still love you very much. And that I am sorry if I ever made you feel like my love and acceptance of you was conditional upon your sexuality.” 

Noya feels overwhelmed by a different emotion now. His father’s words are a better reaction than he had dared to hope for. His father has never been particularly good with the emotional side of things. His words are stiff and overly formal, but Noya knows that this is the kind of language his father falls back on when he is in an emotional situation and feels out of his depth. Noya’s pretty sure he’s not the only one of the two of them having to put effort into not crying.

He goes and hugs his father. His father is surprised, this is not something they normally do, and pats his back awkwardly. 

“Thanks dad.” Noya says as he pulls out of the hug. If anything his dad looks more uncomfortable now and he just kind of nods in response and excuses himself. Noya doesn’t take it personally and is actually really proud that his dad managed as well as he did.

He feels a little embarrassment when he turns back to the center of his room and remembers that Ryuu is there and saw all of that. His dad and him don’t have emotional moments often and so they seem more private for some reason.

Ryuu seems to sense his discomfort because he doesn’t comment.

“Dude can we play this?” Ryuu asks, gesturing to a new video game Noya had gotten as an early birthday present. It didn’t come out on any older consoles so Ryuu probably hasn’t had a chance to play it yet.

“Sure.” Noya says, grabbing the box and heading over to put the disk in the console and grab a controller. “It’s only one player but you can play it. ” 

Ryuu looks like he’s about to protest. Ryuu always feels guilty when he plays one player games at Noya’s house. But they’re always games Ryuu can’t play at home, and Noya actually enjoys watching him play.

“I’ve played it a bunch already. My aunt mailed it and it showed up a week early. ‘Sides I have a bunch of shit to check on my phone.” Noya adds, waving his phone around for emphasis, the notification light still blinking. He’s hoping to stop Ryuu from saying they should play a different game before he even has a chance to say it. 

It works. 

Noya sets up the game and hands Ryuu a controller. They both settle on Noya’s bed, partially because it’s across from the TV and partially because it’s the comfiest place to sit in his room. There’s a little bit of that new weird awkwardness as they try to figure out how to sit. They wind up sitting perpendicular to each other, with Ryuu sitting with his back against the wall and facing the TV and Noya sitting with his back against the headboard facing the foot of the bed. His legs are draped over Ryuu’s. He’s not sure either of them is sure that that is an appropriate amount of touching, but neither of them moves away or says anything about it. 

Ryuu starts playing the game. Noya starts checking his notifications. Most of them are from Ryuu or Facebook. The facebook ones are mostly pretty generic birthday wishes from classmates and relatives. He skims through them quickly before posting a “Thanks for all the birthday wishes” post. Next he reads through the ones from Ryuu, starting from the oldest unread one. All the ones from last night are birthday wishes and silly jokes and cute pictures. The ones from this morning start similarly but become more upset and worried as time goes on. He only skims through those. 

When he gets to the last message he received before Ryuu found him in the gym he looks up at his friend. 

Ryuu is focused on the game. He’s barely blinking and his thumbs fly across the buttons on the controller. He’s making a frowny face that most people probably think looks angry, Noya knows this is Ryuu’s concentration face though. Saeko told him once that the reason Ryuu makes that face when he concentrates is because he used to stick his tongue out when he was concentrating but when he joined volleyball his coach had told him he was going to wind up biting off his tongue if he did that while playing. It had been enough to scare Ryuu into changing the habit but in his efforts to do that he wound up with that weird concentration face. 

“Thanks for finding me today. And for everything” Noya says quietly, but loud enough for Ryuu to hear because he’s so close. “Sorry I was a jerk.”

Ryuu blinks and looks over at him, his thumbs slow and his hands lower as his attention shifts entirely to Noya. Ryuu’s character dies in the game, but if he notices at all he doesn’t react. A smile spreads slowly across his face, and Noya feels a familiar ache in his chest. He hopes his face doesn’t show how much of an effect Ryuu’s smile has on him.

“Course. You’d have done the same for me.” Ryuu says confidently, apparently oblivious to the internal struggle Noya is dealing with. 

Ryuu goes back to the game.

Noya feels bad about it, but he’s not sure he would really have done the same for Ryuu were their situation reversed. It’s not that he wouldn’t have wanted to, and he definitely would have tried his best to help his friend, but today's events have confirmed something that Noya has long suspected. Ryuu is just really good at being a friend. Like Ryuu seems to have a natural talent for it that Noya’s pretty sure he lacks. 

On the one hand he feels it’s not really fair to hold anyone to the friend standards that Ryuu has set because honestly the bar’s just too high but he also wants this friendship to be an equal partnership as much as possible so he resolves to work on it. 

Ryuu’s got his concentrated face back on. Noya smiles to himself as he goes back to his phone. His inbox is indicating that he still has new messages. He can’t think of who else would have texted him, and when he sees the new messages indicator by Daichi’s name his brain can not immediately come up with a reason why Daichi would have texted him again. 

When he reads the message he feels like he can’t breathe. He has to read it again because his brain can’t seem to fully process it. 

He sits up and grabs Ryuu’s shoulder. Ryuu turns to him, surprised and concerned. Unable to think of words Noya simply shoves his phone into Ryuu’s face.

“I- I can’t read it when you hold it like that dude.” Ryuu says chuckling nervously and taking the phone from Noya in order to hold it at a more reasonable distance. 

[From: Daichi

Hope your birthday is going well. Asahi would like to meet with you tomorrow if that is ok with you. He didn’t have your number and I wasn’t sure if it was ok to give it to him so he wanted me to ask for him.]

Ryuu reads the text quietly and looks up at Noya eyebrows raised. 

“Why are you freaking out? This is a good thing right? I mean it means Asahi probably got your name too which means that chances are he’s the right Asahi which I mean I already knew but you seemed unsure about.” 

Noya’s not even sure where to begin with voicing his concerns. He settles for making a high pitched strangled noise and burying his head in his hands.

Ryuu chuckles at the sound Noya makes and begins rubbing Noya’s back with one hand. 

“What if he’s disappointed that he got me?” Noya manages to say eventually. It’s quiet and he’s kind of worried Ryuu won’t hear him. He’s not sure he can say it again. Ryuu’s hand stills. 

“He’s- he’s not going to be disappointed.” Ryuu says, he seems to have realized that Noya is legitimately freaking out because his voice has lowered to something quieter and his tone has gone serious. 

“You’re amazing, anyone would be lucky to have you as their soulmate.” Ryuu continues, and Noya doesn’t think he’s imagining the emotional weight Ryuu puts on that statement, but what that means Noya isn’t sure.

“And Asahi knows all this.” Ryuu adds.

Noya can’t think of what to say, still feels scared and overwhelmed.

“He’s not going to be disappointed.” Ryuu repeats.

“But what if he is?” Noya says. He feels pathetic and whiney. 

“He’s not.” Ryuu repeats and Noya’s about to protest again when Ryuu adds “And if he was- I’d beat him up for you.” 

That brings out an involuntary snort of laughter from Noya, despite the remaining worries. 

“You’ve never beat up anyone in your life.” Noya says still chuckling.

“Well I would.” Ryuu says. He’s trying to act affronted that Noya doesn’t believe in his nonexistent fighting prowess, but he actually looks relieved that Noya doesn’t seem to be freaking out as much anymore. 

“You should text Daichi back.” Ryuu says, holding Noya’s phone out to him.

Noya just looks at it apprehensively. Ryuu rolls his eyes and puts the phone in Noya’s hand. 

“You have to deal with Asahi eventually. I’d think it’d be easier to do that tomorrow when it’s just the two of you then to have to do it on Monday when the whole school’s going to be watching.” Ryuu says, and he has a point. Noya takes a deep breath and opens a new message to Daichi. 

[To: Daichi

Sure. Where/When?]

He hands the phone to Ryuu without hitting send. Ryuu reads it and looks back at him.

“It sounds fine to me, a bit blunt but I don’t think it’s bad.” Ryuu says. He tries to hand the phone back to Noya but Noya doesn’t take it.

“Will you send it? I don’t think I can.” Noya admits. He feels like a coward. Ryuu sends it then drops the phone on the bed next to them when Noya still won't take it back. 

“If you’re this anxious I hate to think how Asahi is fairing.” Ryuu says sympathetically. “I hope things aren’t this stressful when I get a name.” 

Noya hopes so too. He hopes when Ryuu gets a name that things are easy and that Ryuu is just happy. Noya’s happy, underneath all the nerves, but it’s hard to focus on the positive emotions when all the negative ones are the ones at the surface. 

Noya’s phone buzzes on the bed to indicate he’s received a new message. He takes a deep breath and picks it up to check it.

[From: Daichi

Does the front gate of the school at 2pm work for you?]

[To: Daichi

Yeah that’s fine. ]

He types out the response and hits send before he can lose his nerve. Then he drops the phone back on the bed like physical distance between himself and the phone will make him feel less overwhelmed. 

It takes less time for a response this time. Noya picks up the phone again and reads the newest message. 

[From: Daichi

Ok, he’ll be there.]

He drops his phone again without replying. He’s pretty sure he doesn’t need to respond to that. Ryuu, who had been reading the messages from his spot next to Noya, bumps his shoulder against Noya’s. 

“You’ve got a date tomorrow~” He says in a sing-song voice “Ah I’m so jealous.” 

Noya rolls his eyes at the teasing, but it makes him feel better. 

They take turns playing the game for another few hours before switching over to watching netflix. They wind up falling asleep together on the bed part of the way through a documentary on marine life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The “touch the butt” joke at the beginning was supposed to be a Finding Nemo reference… ;; Also how did Noya not eat anything all day, exercise a bunch, and not pass out from hunger? Idk and i was too lazy to address it sorry. 
> 
> Asahi will actually be in the next chapter for suresies I promise I’m sorry he wasn’t in this one again.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Comments are super appreciated!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who commented on the last chapter or sent me a message. It means so much to me. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

Asahi is already waiting for him when Noya gets to the school. Noya notices the third year standing at the school gate as soon as the gate is in sight. Asahi doesn’t seem to notice him though, he’s focused on his phone. Noya takes full advantage of the opportunity to see without being seen.

Noya’s not really into clothes or whatever, so he doesn’t really know whether Asahi’s outfit is fashionable, but it looks good on him. He doesn’t get much opportunity to see Asahi outside of workout clothes and his school uniform and he never really thought about what else Asahi wears, but he decides now that he wouldn’t mind seeing more of Asahi’s wardrobe.

The sleeves of Asahi’s sweater cover his arms though, and Noya doesn’t think he’s ever wanted someone to show more skin this much in his whole life. 

Part of him, the scared part that continues to insist that Asahi can’t really be his soulmate, wants to just turn around and leave, now before Asahi has even noticed he is there. He hates to admit that he isn’t sure he wouldn’t have given in to that part of himself, if not for the fact that he knows Ryuu is still camped at his house. Turns out the scared part of him is more scared of what Ryuu will think if he leaves without talking to Asahi then it is scared of what will happen if he does talk to Asahi.

He’s not sure what prompts Asahi to look up, he’s pretty close now so maybe some noise Noya’s not aware of having made, but when he does he smiles at Noya and any lingering thoughts of leaving linger no longer. 

“S-sorry I kept you waiting.” He says, bowing to the upperclassman. He’s internally cursing himself for stumbling on his words and for the warmth on his cheeks that tells him he’s blushing.

“No, no, it’s fine I got here early.” Asahi says, he’s blushing too and Noya really wishes he could celebrate the consolation of not being the only one blushing but Asahi is really cute when he blushes and it’s totally unfair.

They lapse into awkward silence that probably doesn’t last nearly as long as it feels like it does. Noya can’t think of what to say, can’t even make himself look at Asahi so he pretends to study the school gate in silence. He’s getting too caught up in his head, one thought chasing another too fast for him to really follow, he knows it’s happening but he can’t seem to stop it. This meeting is not going well and it’s all his fault.

Asahi clears his throat, and Noya looks at him without thinking about it. Asahi looks uncomfortable too, and he’s still blushing but he doesn’t hesitate to meet Noya’s eyes.

“Do you… um do you want to take a walk while we talk?” Asahi asks.

“Sure.” Noya responds, trying to just act as normal as possible.

Asahi smiles at him again, and this time it seems more nervous but it still makes Noya feel like his heart has stopped beating momentarily. Asahi takes the lead, even though they’re walking side by side, and they head down a different road than the one Noya came from. 

The silence sets in again and Noya can feel it like a pressure on his skin, heavy and terrifying. Pressing down on his lungs so he can’t speak, can barely breathe, he feels like he’s suffocating under the weight of it. He’s left alone with his thoughts and they race from bad to worse, an undercurrent of self depreciation the only constant. 

“So… I got a name yesterday.” Asahi says, his voice breaking through the fog in Noya’s brain like the sun. He’s not looking at Noya, focusing ahead instead. He has a blush high on his cheeks and a few strands of hair have come loose from his bun. Noya knows he’s staring, knows he’s probably being weird and making Asahi uncomfortable, but Asahi is so pretty and his voice makes Noya feel like he can’t breathe for an entirely different reason. “I got your name Nishinoya.”

“I got yours too.” Noya blurts out, finding his voice without even realizing he had.

“Ah, that’s a relief to know.” Asahi says turning to look at him, a relieved smile on his face. 

“A relief?” Noya asks, the words coming out without him even really giving them any thought. 

“Well, yeah. I was kind of worried it might have meant someone else with the same name. It probably would have been weird of me to arrange this meeting if that was the case.” Asahi tries to keep the last sentence lighthearted but Noya can tell that was something Asahi had been really worried about.

“You were worried I wasn’t your soulmate?” Noya asks, for now ignoring the fact that he had been worried about the same thing. The blush on Asahi’s face is spreading.

“Y-yeah.” Asahi admits. “It’s just, I’ve had feelings for you for a while and it seemed too… perfect? Plus, I was kind of under the impression that you were straight… and if you weren’t I thought... maybe… you and Tanaka?”

Asahi’s blush has now taken over his whole face. Noya’s probably not far behind though, Asahi’s words making him feel more flustered than he had anticipated. Asahi had feelings for him? Asahi thought he and tanaka were a couple?

“N-no, Ryuu and I… we’re... not together…” Noya manages through his embarrassment. 

They walk in silence for a while, both trying to process all that their short conversation has presented them with. They arrive at a park, and Noya realizes that this is probably where Asahi planned for them to walk from the beginning. They begin walking down one of the trails through the lightly wooded area at this end of the park. Noya’s been to this park before, mostly to the volleyball courts at the other end of it, and Asahi is clearly familiar with the walking paths. Noya wonders if Asahi lives nearby, if maybe they played at the same park as kids and didn’t even know.

“So, does this mean we’re dating now?” Noya asks, the question coming out before he even had a chance to stop it. The blushes that had been fading from both of their faces return again.

“Not… not necessarily.” Asahi says, and Noya’s heart sinks. There’s been something he misunderstood, something he messed up. “Just because we’re soulmates doesn’t... doesn’t mean we have to be together.”

Noya tries to figure out what he could have possibly done to make Asahi, who is apparently his soulmate and who apparently at some point had a crush on him, not want to be with him.

“D-do you want to date me?” Asahi asks. 

He’s stopped walking, they both have, and he’s staring at Noya. Noya studies his face, seeing embarrassment and nervousness and hope. It finally clicks for Noya that Asahi has said how he feels but that he forgot to respond because he’d been too thrown by Asahi thinking that he was in a relationship with Ryuu. Asahi isn’t saying he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with Noya, he’s saying they don’t have to be if Noya doesn’t want to be. 

“Yes.” Noya responds. “I’ve liked you for a long time Asahi.”

Asahi smiles at him, and it's relieved and happy and probably the best thing Noya’s ever seen. He moves without thinking about it, closing the distance between them and grabbing Asahi’s hands. Noya uses his grip on Asahi’s hands to pull the tall boy lower while he leans up on his toes. Their lips brush briefly. It is quick and light and afterward Noya doesn’t remember any details beyond the fact that they kissed. He kissed Asahi. He just had his first kiss. 

They both seem to realize what has happened at the same time, Asahi straightens up and Noya lowers back to standing normally. Their hands stay linked though. Noya’s face burns with probably the worst blush he’s ever had. Noya can't look at Asahi’s face directly, but he can see in his peripherals that he is blushing also.

“S-sorry” Noya manages, his voice betraying how flustered he is. 

“It… it’s ok.” Asahi responds, sounding flustered as well.

They stand there for a few moments longer, facing each other and holding hands and completely unable to look at each other. But gradually they each adjust, the blushes begin to fade, and eye contact becomes less intimidating.

“D-do you want to keep walking?” Asahi asks. Noya isn’t sure. On the one hand walking would probably relieve more of the embarrassment he’s feeling and take more of the pressure out of the situation, but on the other hand he and Asahi are still standing pretty close. Asahi’s large hands are wrapped around Noya’s. Noya decides he really likes these things, overwhelming though they are.

“Ok.” Noya says. Asahi only lets go of one of Noya’s hands, holding on to the other as they start walking again. Noya feels warm and nervous and excited. 

They walk quietly together for a while hand in hand, both having plenty to think about and process. 

“How do you want to handle, dealing with other people?” Asahi asks. When he notices the confusion on Noya’s face he clarifies further. “Do you want people to know we’re dating? I don’t think we’ll have much luck hiding the fact that we got each other's names… but if you didn’t want people to know that we were dating…”

“I’m okay with people knowing.” Noya responds. He’s going to be outed by the name either way, and Noya would rather have his boyfriend by his side if he has to come out. Besides, even if they did try to hide it, people would assume they were together anyway. So he can’t see much point to that. “Are you?”

“Yeah.” Asahi responds. He briefly squeezes Noya’s hand a little tighter. 

Noya’s not sure how long they walk around the park. They talk about school and volleyball and a movie Noya watched the night before with Tanaka. Sometimes they don’t talk at all, and it doesn’t feel awkward or scary like before. They continue to hold hands.

Eventually Asahi’s phone buzzes and he says he has to head home. Before he leaves he leans down to kiss Noya again. This time Asahi’s hand is on Noya’s cheek, and the kiss isn’t so brief. Noya has time to notice the way the callouses on Asahi’s palm feel against his cheek and the slight roughness of Asahi’s lower lip where he’s torn the skin from biting his lip nervously.

Noya doesn’t remember the walk home, and he’s still blushing when he reaches his front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Comments & kudos are always very appreciated! Not positive what the next chapter will be about so no promises about who will be in it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah there was such a great response to the last chapter omg thank you all so much. I hope you all continue to enjoy.

Noya has cleaned every inch of his bedroom, twice. But when he checks the time he still has a whole half hour until Asahi is supposed to arrive, at his house, to meet his parents for the first time. Noya groans and throws himself onto his bed. Asahi and him have been dating for a bit more than two months now, and things are great. He loves being Asahi’s boyfriend and he loves Asahi. But he is not looking forward to this meeting. 

His mom has been pestering him about when she was going to get to meet Asahi since the day he and Asahi had started dating, he has already put this off for as long as he can. It’s not really that he thinks his family won't like Asahi, he’s pretty sure they’ll love him once they get used to him, or that he thinks Asahi won’t like his family… but these kinds of things are like inevitably awkward and embarrassing. 

He rolls over on his side and looks at his phone on his bedside table. 

Normally this would be the point in time where he’d text Ryuu. His best friend has always been better at dealing with Noya’s nerves then Noya is. But… him and Ryuu haven’t been talking as much. For a while. 

It’s not like anything has happened between them exactly. They still hang out and talk a lot, but the distance between them is growing. And it’s Noya’s fault.

The feelings he had had for his best friend hadn’t gone away after he had found his soulmate. They’re still there, under the surface, pulling at his heart when he smiles at him, when he hugs him. Ryuu has started cutting back on the physical contact, no doubt misunderstanding Noya’s reactions that he tried and failed to hide. 

And it isn’t like he doesn’t have those kinds of feelings about Asahi… he does. He loves Asahi. It’s just… he has feelings, strong ones he isn’t willing to categorize, for Ryuu too.

He feels so guilty.

He feels guilty for having these feelings for Ryuu. He feels guilty for letting them affect their relationship. He feels guilty when he’s with Ryuu, he feels guilty when he avoids him.

He hates feeling guilty, but it’s better than the other feelings he has about all this. Better than acknowledging the part of his brain that whispers that he is broken. That someday everyone will find out about this broken part of him, that they’ll all hate him for it. Asahi, Ryuu, his parents…

You’re not supposed to like anyone else once you’ve found your soulmate.

He buries his face in his pillow and lets out a frustrated noise. He shuts away these thoughts behind a wall they will no doubt find a way to climb over again as they have all the other walls he’s built around them. 

Then he grabs his phone. 

[To: Ryuu

Dude I’m so nervous I think I’m going to be sick]

He rolls to his back, and stares up at his ceiling, phone clutched in his hand. He tries to count the seconds but knows he’s counting too fast. 

[From: Ryuu

Don’t be sick on Asahi bro, you know he doesn’t do well with that kinda stuff.]

Noya frowns at his phone. That was hardly the response he had been hoping for. It was true, but not helpful at the moment.

His phone buzzes again with a new message before he can even start to form a response.

[From: Ryuu

It’s going to be fine though. You got this. ]

Noya tries not to think about the smile on his face or the warm feeling in his chest. This is the response he had wanted, the one he’d been expecting.

[To: Ryuu

It’s going to be sooo awkward tho]

[To: Ryuu

I wish I could just like fast forward through it, it's going to be embarrassing.]

He almost drops his phone on his face while he’s typing because he’s holding it up over his head. He lets his arms flop back onto the bed while he waits for a response. 

[From: Ryuu

Dude, it's going to be fine]

[From: Ryuu

Asahi’s going to love your mom]

[From: Ryuu

Everyone loves your mom]

[From: Ryuu

And your parents are going to like Asahi]

[From: Ryuu

Provided they don’t mistake him for a robber or pedophile and he makes it to the door without the police being called]

Ryuu is a fast texter and the messages come one right after the other. Noya’s always been impressed with Ryuu’s typing speed, especially since he’d only gotten a phone with a decent keyboard not too long ago after saving up money from working at the restaurant to buy his first smartphone to replace the ancient flip phone his parents had given him. 

Noya frowns at the last message. That’d be horrible, and it’s really not helping his mood. As if Ryuu can sense his mood despite not even being there his phone buzzes again with another message.

[From: Ryuu

That’s not going to happen. I was trying to make a joke. Did it work? ]

Noya rolls his eyes, but his mood has improved. Even though the joke backfired, it still feels good to know his friend is trying. 

[To: Ryuu

Not really. You know someone actually called the police once when we were on a date right?]

[From: Ryuu

No?!?!??? Why didn’t you tell me this omg]

The response comes almost immediately. Noya tries to push down the spike of guilt he feels over the fact that he hadn’t told Ryuu. They used to share this kind of thing with each other all the time.

[To: Ryuu

Yeah, like this lady saw us on a date and misread our ages and called the police] 

The woman had meant well. But she’d thought Nishinoya was in grade school and Asahi was an adult so when she had seen them kiss outside a restaurant she had gotten worried. She and the police officer had apologized for the mix up after verifying their ages on their student id’s. 

It had worked out ok in the end, but had been a very uncomfortable experience for both him and Asahi. 

[From: Ryuu

omfg. That’s hilarious. Omg]

Noya is glad at least that someone got some sort of enjoyment from that incredibly awkward situation. He is about to respond again when the doorbell rings. 

He leaves his phone on the bed and runs for the door.

“I’ll get it!” He shouts, and he hears his mom chuckle from the kitchen.

When he reaches the door he’s out of breath and probably looks disheveled but he pulls the door open anyway. 

Asahi is dressed pretty formally, wearing a long sleeved button up shirt and slacks. Noya had told him it was casual, but he wasn’t exactly disappointed. His boyfriend looked good in these kinds of clothes. 

“Nishinoya, hi-” Asahi starts but Noya interrupts him by grabbing his shirt to pull him down into a kiss. He seems surprised but he melts into the kiss anyway, one hand coming up to cup Noya’s cheek. His thumb gently caressing Noya’s face.

“Don’t leave the door open Yuu!” His mom shouts from the kitchen. 

They break apart, Noya using his hold on Asahi’s shirt to pull him inside so he can shut the door behind him. Asahi has a blush high on his cheeks and he nervously smooths out his shirt where Noya had grabbed it. Noya notices that he has a bouquet of flowers in his other hand. 

“For- for your mom” Asahi says, noticing Noya’s look. 

“Dinner is ready!” His mom yells from the kitchen, cutting off the response Noya was going to say. So instead he takes Asahi’s free hand and gives it a squeeze, then leads the way to the arched entrance to the dining room. His dad is already seated at the table with a book in hand. His mom is finishing setting out the food on the center of the table. They both look up when Noya and Asahi enter the room.

There is a moment as they look over Asahi where he can see on their faces that he isn’t what they expected. He’s been worried, secretly, that even though they’ve been good so far about things that maybe it’s because they haven’t really had to deal with it. That maybe when they are forced to confront the fact that Noya really is really gay and really in a relationship with a guy, that maybe they might not be as understanding as they have seemed. 

The moment passes. His mom smiles, his dad puts away his book and reading glasses. 

“Um, these are for you Mrs. Nishinoya.” Asahi says bowing to Noya’s mom and offering her the flowers.

“Oh, call me Sachiko, Asahi.” Noya’s mom says, taking the flowers. “They look lovely. Thank you for bringing them. I’ll go get them in some water.” 

She bustles off to the kitchen again, flowers in hand. Noya squeezes Asahi’s hand again, trying to be reassuring despite his own nerves. 

“A pleasure to finally meet you Asahi.” Noya’s dad says, coming over to greet them next. “Please call me Osamu”

“You came at just the perfect time Asahi” Noya’s mom says coming back in from the kitchen. “I had just finished dinner. Shall we?”

Their round dining room table is not that big, normally only needing to accommodate three people, four when Ryuu visits. Noya winds up seated between Asahi and his mom, his dad seated between his mom and Asahi on the other side. 

His mom has made Tonkotsu Ramen, because Noya mentioned it was Asahi’s favorite. Noya’s not too fond of it personally, but it made him happy that his mom cared enough to remember and make this just because Asahi likes it.

Once they have all filled their bowls the conversation starts in earnest, and Noya can feel the blush on his face growing. 

“So Asahi, you are a third year?” His mom asks. 

“Y-yes.” Asahi responds, only stumbling over the word a little. 

“So you will be graduating at the end of this year then? Have you decided on a university yet?” His dad asks next. Noya is so embarrassed, it sounds like they’re interviewing him.

“Um, yes I will be graduating at the end of this year, but I am not planning on attending university.” Asahi responds. It’s said like he’s expecting criticism for it. It’s new information for Noya, they haven’t really discussed what will happen after Asahi graduates, though it is something Noya has worried about.

“Why is that?” His dad responds. There’s no judgement in his tone yet, but Noya gets the feeling that he’s reserving judgement till he hears the reason. His dad values education highly, and Noya isn’t sure how he’ll react if the reason isn’t one he approves of.

Even though they’ve never discussed this sort of thing, he always kind of assumed that Asahi would be going to university next year. He knows part of the reason he assumed that is because he grew up in a house where attending university was an expectation but part of it is also that he had thought Asahi would be eager to move away. 

They don’t talk about Asahi’s family life much, and Noya has never met Asahi’s family, but Noya’s always gotten the impression that Asahi doesn’t like living with them. 

“School has never been much of a calling for me, and for now at least it is more important to me to work and make my own way.” Asahi responds, his voice is level but Noya can tell this decision has not been an easy one for Asahi to make.

“Surely you could get a scholarship though, if money is the issue, Yuu says you’re very good at volleyball.” His dad responds, tone still neutral, still waiting.

“I’m sure I could manage.” Asahi concedes. “If it was something that I really wanted I am sure I could find a way to make it work. But it is not something I really want.”

Noya’s dad doesn’t seem satisfied with that answer, but he doesn’t press the issue further. Noya reaches for Asahi’s hand under the table and laces their fingers together. He’s not sure how he feels about this new information, he doesn’t feel like he understands it fully yet and he wants to know more. But that is not a conversation he wants to have right now, with his parents.

“Your birthday is coming up isn’t it? Do you have any plans?” Noya’s mom asks, changing the subject. 

“Yes it is,” Asahi responds, seeming relieved by the subject change “a friend and I always do a combined birthday party because his is the day before mine and we have so many of the same friends. We will probably do the same this year.”

“Ah does it not bother you to share?” His mom asks, curious. “I don’t think I’d like sharing my birthday attention.”

Asahi chuckles and Noya can’t help the smile on his face or the fond look in his eyes at the sound. His mother notices this, and her smile grows a little brighter.

“I’m not too fond of being the center of attention actually, so I don’t really mind. Besides, when we share he always offers to host the party which I appreciate.” Asahi responds.

Nishinoya has never actually been to the Sawamura estate before. But he has heard it is awesome. He wonders if he will be invited this year now that he is dating Asahi. When he and Tanaka had complained about not getting invited the year before Suga had told them that they had only invited people from the same year as them and he isn’t sure if that rule will hold true even though he is dating Asahi. 

He will have to try to remember to ask Asahi about that later. 

The conversation continues in the same relatively casual manner from there. His parents ask Asahi about school and volleyball, and Noya manages to contribute to the conversation more.

When his parents bring up Asahi’s family, Asahi glosses over the subject with the ease of practice.

He lives with his mother, stepfather, and stepbrother. His father passed away when he was young. He has an older brother he is close with that owns a farm and does not live with the family. His mother works in banking, his step dad is a freelance writer. His step brother is in his first year at university, and only lives at home during breaks from school, he is studying to go into journalism like his father. 

His voice is calm, and he is polite, but there is no warmth in his face or tone when he speaks about his family. Except, when he speaks about his brother. His face lights up when he talks about him. Noya has known that Asahi is very fond of his older brother for a while but it always makes him happy to hear him talk about him. Especially knowing the way Asahi normally speaks about the rest of his family, it makes him happy to know that Asahi has at least one family member he is close with. Asahi’s brother is the only member of Asahi’s family that Noya is excited to meet someday, though Asahi has given no indication of wanting Noya to meet any of his family.

They finish dinner, and after Noya’s mom has refused Asahi’s offer to help clean up, twice, Noya invites Asahi back to his bedroom. 

“Door stays open” his dad says from the living room as they pass. He is settling down on the couch with a book, Nishinoya’s pretty sure it’s a different one than the one he was reading before dinner.

Noya rolls his eyes but leaves the door open. It’s not like they’d do anything either way, the living room is literally just on the other side of the wall from his room and sounds travel through the walls of this house almost as if they weren’t there. And that’s not to mention that the physical side of their relationship hasn’t progressed a whole lot.

They kiss pretty regularly and they hold hands and have other more casual contact a lot, but they’ve only made out a few times and only when they’ve been able to steal a few minutes of alone time in the club room or in a more secluded alcove at school. 

Asahi gets nervous about doing that sort of thing at school, but they don’t have much opportunity to do it elsewhere. This is the first time that Asahi’s been to Noya’s house and Noya’s never been to Asahi’s. And even if they had, both of them have a parent who is home during the day so they pretty much only ever get alone time at school either way.

Nishinoya isn’t sure if they would have gone any further then that even if they had had the opportunity to though. They have only been dating for a couple of months. And this is his first relationship. Asahi is slightly more experienced than he is, but he’s been very content to take this at whatever pace Noya is comfortable with.

Asahi looks around his room, which he can probably tell is cleaner than normal. There isn’t a whole lot to look at, a bed, a desk with school supplies, his tv and game systems. Asahi’s attention stops on the small bookshelf Noya doesn’t use for books. It’s full of various photo frames and nicknacks. Asahi looks at the photos, and Nishinoya’s never thought about how most of the photos have Ryuu in them until now.

There’s Ryuu and him in waiter uniforms from when he worked at the Tanaka family restaurant over winter break, Ryuu and him at the beach when Noya’s family took a summer vacation, Ryuu and him and Saeko the summer they met standing in front of the Tanaka’s new house, Ryuu and him at his cousin’s wedding. A photo of the volleyball team that has the whole team, Ryuu has his arm around him. The only photo that doesn’t have Ryuu in it actually is a photo of Noya’s middle school volleyball team.

This realization makes Noya feel sick with guilt, but Asahi just smiles at the pictures fondly. And that makes him feel worse.

Something indicating his inner turmoil must have shown on his face because when Asahi turns to look at him his face shows concern and Noya can see the question forming in his head before he even opens his mouth.

Noya doesn’t want him to ask, doesn’t want to have to answer, so he pulls Asahi down into a kiss instead. Asahi really likes kisses. It’s not something they’ve talked about, just something he’s noticed. He makes a surprised noise, muffled by the press of Noya’s lips against his, but the surprise passes quickly and Asahi melts into the kiss. One of his arms wraps around Noya’s back, pulling his body closer, the other comes to rest against Noya neck, fingers finding their way into Noya’s hair where the back of his head meets his neck. 

When Noya pulls away from the kiss he can see the way it takes Asahi a moment to regain his bearings and train of thought. When he does, his eyebrows scrunch together in concern, and he studies Noya’s face. His thumb brushes along Noya’s jaw.

“Are you ok?” He asks.

Noya doesn’t know how to respond to that, he closes his eyes and nuzzles his cheek against Asahi’s hand. 

“Mmm” he says, not really sure what that’s supposed to mean. 

“Tonight was pretty stressful” he admits.

When he opens his eyes he’s not really sure how to interpret Asahi’s expression. He looks a bit dazed. It passes quickly though, after only a brief moment he blinks and glances away from Noya’s face and the only indication that expression was ever there is a blush high on Asahi’s cheeks.

“Yeah, sorry about that.” Asahi says. His voice is quiet and he is still not looking at Noya. Noya presses a kiss against his palm, and that draws his eyes back to Noya’s face.

“Not your fault. Sorry my parents used dinner as a flimsy excuse to interrogate you.” Noya says. Asahi smiles. 

“I think interrogate is a bit of an over exaggeration.” Asahi says. His hand moves from Noya’s face to drop down to rest on one of Noya’s hips, he moves the arm around Noya’s back so that that hand can rest on Noya’s other hip. 

It’s just hands on his hips, over clothes, but it feels strangely intimate and Noya can feel the burn of a blush on his cheeks.

“I think it’s accurate.” He says, he rests his head against Asahi’s chest. 

“They just want to get to know their son’s soulmate. It’s pretty normal.” Asahi says with a chuckle. 

“Does your family want to?” Noya asks, it’s quiet, hesitant, he knows this isn’t a subject Asahi likes to talk about, but Noya yearns to know more. 

Asahi’s hands tighten on his hips, loosening again only with a sigh that seems to carry a lot of tension. 

“They do.” Asahi says, with reluctance and resignation. “I don’t want you to though.” 

Noya had thought that was the case, but it’s nice he supposes to have it confirmed. 

“Why?” he asks. Asahi doesn’t get along well with his family that’s why, says the reasonable part of his brain. Because he’s ashamed of you, because he knows you are broken and a bad soulmate, whispers the scared insecure part of him. The one he keeps trying to ignore but that won't go away. 

“They’re shitty. I don’t want you to have to deal with them.” Asahi says. His voice is rough with emotions he didn’t show at dinner. 

“Are they homophobic?” Noya asks. They’ve talked about Asahi’s family enough for Noya to know that Asahi doesn’t get along with them, that it’s a sore subject, but he’s never known why. He wants to know. 

“No,” Asahi says but it doesn’t sound like the positive Noya would think it should be “but they are other stuff. I don’t… I don’t want you to meet them because they’ll just be mean and for what? There’s not really any benefit to you meeting them.”

“They’re your family.” Noya says. He’s not really looking forward to meeting people that make Asahi feel like this. He isn’t sure what they do or did to make Asahi feel this way about them. Not sure he’ll be able to keep his temper around people that have so obviously hurt someone he loves. But they are Asahi’s family. And that feels important.

“I’m moving out on my birthday.” Asahi says. Noya looks up at that. It’s the first he’s heard this. 

“I’m going to stay at Daichi’s from my birthday till the fifteenth, which is when my lease starts on my apartment.”

“You- you’re getting your own apartment?” Noya asks. This is a lot of new information. 

“Yeah, I have enough savings from working during breaks to get me through till graduation, then I’ll be working at my brother’s farm till I can find another job.” Asahi says, he seems so calm about all of this and Noya wonders how long he’s been planning it. Long enough that he already has an apartment apparently. 

“Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” Asahi says, apparently reading Noya’s mind. “It’s just... it has to be a secret until I get my stuff out of there.”

“Not that I don’t trust you or anything” Asahi hurries to add on “It’s just the less people that know the better and I just… before now I hadn’t… found the right time to... tell you.”

This is, a lot.

Noya decides he needs to sit down. He holds Asahi’s hand and guides him over to his bed, pushing lightly on his chest to encourage him to sit.

Once Asahi is seated Noya sits next to him, the hand he is holding on his lap. He covers Asahi’s hand with both of his own. He needs a moment to process all of this some more but he can tell his silence is making Asahi nervous so he rubs the back of Asahi’s hand with his thumb and rests his head on Asahi’s shoulder.

“So, you’re moving out?” He asks after another moment, wanting to make sure he’s understanding everything correctly.

“Yes” Asahi says, voice quiet and filled with a calmness Noya knows is fake.

“And your family is not homophobic, but they are... other things?” He asks. He doesn’t want to push too hard but he desperately wants to know what those other things are. His brain is coming up with all kinds of possibilities and he really doesn’t like any of them. “Things that make you want to move out as soon as possible?”

At first Asahi doesn’t respond. He looks tremendously uncomfortable and Noya can feel the tension where his head rests against Asahi’s shoulder and in the grip Asahi has on his hand. Noya starts to think maybe he pushed the subject too far and Asahi is going to drop it altogether but then Asahi speaks.

“They… they aren’t horrible people. It’s not like they treat me terribly or anything.” He says. 

“They’re just… not very nice. And it’s not even me that they’re mean to mostly.” Asahi continues. “My step dad… he hates my brother. He’s horrible to him.”

“And mom doesn’t do anything about it.”

Noya thinks maybe this is the part that bothers Asahi the most. He looks away from Noya when he says it, but his voice sounds choked with emotion. There is clearly no love lost between Asahi and his step family, but maybe Asahi’s feelings towards his mother are more complex.

“And I’m just tired of living in that house. Tired of having to hear them say that sort of thing.” Asahi finishes, and it’s like he’s packing the whole matter back up to put back into whatever corner of his mind he usually keeps all these emotions. Noya still wants to know more, but he recognizes that Asahi has already given him a lot. This is an aspect of his life that Asahi clearly doesn’t share often or with many people. He is trusting him with a lot.

He lifts his head from Asahi’s shoulder and uses a hand on his face to gently turn Asahi’s head so they are face to face. Asahi’s eyes are bright with unshed tears and Noya can see the effort he is putting into regaining control of his emotions. He brushes a thumb over Asahi’s cheek and Asahi’s eyes close, his face pressing gently against Noya’s hand. 

He presses his lips against Asahi’s, gently, briefly. Then he places several similar kisses to the corner of his mouth and his cheeks and the end of his nose and his forehead. By the time he pulls back, Asahi’s eyes are open again and he is smiling, Noya can still see some of the emotions from before in Asahi’s eyes but he also seems relieved and happy and for now Noya is going to count that as enough. 

“Thank you for sharing with me.” He says, resting his forehead against Asahi’s. Asahi doesn’t respond, but he squeezes Noya’s hand gently. 

They sit like that for a few more moments, just enjoying being close, before Noya takes a deep breath and stands up. 

“Want to watch something?” he asks, walking over to his tv to get netflix set up. 

They choose an animated kids movie they are both interested in. Neither of them is sure of how to sit at first but they eventually wind up settling with Asahi laying on Noya’s bed on his back and Noya laying next to, and partially on top of, Asahi. Noya’s going to have to rewatch the movie on his own later, he misses most of it because he is too distracted by his boyfriend cuddling with him, in his bed. He wonders if his bedding will smell like Asahi after he leaves. 

The credits for the movie are rolling when Asahi gets a notification on his phone. Noya knows by now that that means Asahi has to go home, but Asahi tells him anyway apologizing for it. Asahi says goodbye to Noya’s parents and thanks them again for inviting him over and for dinner. Noya walks Asahi to the door. Asahi goes to give him a goodbye kiss but that winds up leading to another, and another. Nishinoya’s not sure how long they would have stayed there kissing in the doorway if not for the sound of another phone notification prompting Asahi to actually leave.   
His mom smiling at him knowingly as he walks back to his room causes the blush that was already on Noya’s face to get worse. When he gets to his room he flops face down on his bed. So much happened today and he doesn’t feel like he has actually had any time to process any of it. 

He’s just starting to get his blush under control when he hears his phone. 

The sound is muffled and it takes him a minute to find it. It had somehow gotten wedged between his bed and his nightstand. When he finally gets it out he sees he has several new text messages. 

The most recent one is from Asahi and he opens that first.

[From: Asahi

Thank you for having me over tonight. Sorry things got so serious. I had a good time though. Can’t wait to see you again.]

Noya finds himself smiling as he types out a response. 

[To: Asahi

Thank you for coming over today! I think my mom liked you a lot. There’s no need to apologize. Thank you for sharing with me, I want to be the kind of boyfriend who you can share all your troubles with someday. Can’t wait to see you again either.]

His fingers hover over his phones keyboard after he sends that message, debating about whether or not to send what he wants to send next. 

[To: Asahi

I love you.]

He types it out and sends it quickly before he can think about it anymore. It’s the first time he’s said it and he feels kind of bad that he’s doing it through text, because he’s pretty sure that’s not romantic or something, but he really wanted to say it and he’s tired of waiting for the right moment.

Embarrassed by himself he quickly closes everything on his phone after sending it. With everything else cleared he notices that he still has some unread messages from Ryuu so he opens those next. 

[From: Ryuu

What happened when the police showed up?]

[From: Ryuu

Dude ]

[From: Ryuu

Bro come on you can't leave me hanging like this ]

[From: Ryuu

Did Asahi show up? Are you two making out? ]

[From: Ryuu

You’re ignoring me, your BEST FRIEND to make out with your boyfriend. Rude.]

[From: Ryuu

Seriously tho, I hope it's going well and things aren’t too awkward. ]

[From: Ryuu

Text me when you get done smoochin your boyfriend]

After all the emotions from earlier, Ryuu’s light hearted teasing is refreshing. He isn’t sure how to respond to the later messages, isn’t sure how much of what happened tonight he wants to share so instead he decides to just respond to his original question.

[To: Ryuu

The policeman apologized for the mix up after he checked our student id’s to verify our ages.]

He’s smiling at his phone and waiting for Ryuu’s response when he gets a new text from Asahi. 

[From: Asahi

I love you too.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah I hope you liked it? Comments and kudos are very appreciated!
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the comments and messages for the last chapter! I am glad people are liking this fic, it’s really self indulgent and I’ve been so surprised and pleased at the response it has gotten. 
> 
> Hope everyone continues to enjoy.

It’s lunchtime and Asahi and Nishinoya are eating alone for once. Daichi and Suga have a meeting with Takeda apparently and Ryuu… Ryuu had made other plans.

They wind up sitting at the same table they usually sit at anyways. It’s hard not to notice their friends’ absences when the small courtyard is usually filled with much more chatter and laughter. Not that they aren’t talking, Asahi is currently trying to convince Noya he should eat the vegetables his mom had packed in his lunch, but there’s still a noticeable difference in noise level.

It does present an opportunity to talk about something that Noya has been trying to find the right time to bring up though, so at least there’s that.

“Do you want any help moving your stuff later?” Noya asks. He meant to find a way to segue the conversation to this topic, but his mouth gets ahead of his brain and he winds up blurting it out while Asahi is still mid sentence.

For a few moments Asahi just blinks at him, understandably having a hard time processing the subject leap Noya just made. Noya looks away from Asahi’s face, focuses on his hands. He’s tearing up the little paper napkin his mom had put in his lunch and he’s not entirely sure when he started doing that. 

They haven’t talked much about Asahi’s family or Asahi moving since he found out about it. They talked about it briefly when Asahi had walked Noya home from his and Daichi’s joint birthday party, which he had been invited to this year. Ryuu had been invited too, but he had said he had to work at the restaurant. Noya wasn’t sure he believed him, but their friendship didn’t seem so sturdy anymore so he hadn’t pressed the issue. It was probably his fault anyway.

And by talked about it, Noya had asked if Asahi wanted help moving stuff from his family’s to Daichi’s and Asahi had turned him down. 

He’s expecting his offer to be rejected again. 

“Um, well Suga and Daichi have already agreed to help, and my brother also.” Asahi says. It’s the answer Noya was expecting but he’s still disappointed anyway. 

He’s glad that Asahi has people in his life that he trusts with this part of him. He’s grateful to Suga and Daichi and this mysterious brother who he is still apparently not allowed to meet. He just wishes he could be someone Asahi trusts with this, that he could be there for Asahi, that he could offer Asahi more support. 

“But, if you really didn’t mind… you could help too if you wanted I guess…” Asahi adds. Noya’s hands still on the remains of the napkin and he looks at Asahi, unsure if he heard correctly. Asahi is looking down at the bread he is eating for lunch, he looks apprehensive and like maybe he hadn’t planned on saying that.

“Are you sure?” Noya asks. The incredibly curious part of himself is banging its head against a wall. He wants this, so badly. But not if Asahi doesn’t want to share this with him. Not if it was just an offer made from some polite reflex. 

Asahi considers for a moment, still staring at his bread like it has all the answers. 

“No.” He says eventually, and Nishinoya’s heart sinks. “... Yes… I don’t know.” 

Asahi sets his bread down and scrubs his hands over his face, then he smoothes them over his hair. He seems frustrated with himself. Noya is confused by his response but he can tell Asahi is working on it so he doesn’t pester him for clarification. Instead he embraces Asahi’s nearest arm, entwining their fingers and resting his head on Asahi’s shoulder.

He feels Asahi take a deep breath before he continues. 

“You’re going to meet Kazuo eventually, it might as well be today. I’m… I’m just nervous.” Asahi says. His voice is quiet, but he sounds more sure of himself than he did a moment ago.

Nishinoya feels a fond emotion swell in his chest. He lifts their joined hands to press a kiss to the back of Asahi’s palm. 

“Thank you” he says, letting their hands drop back to his lap and snuggling closer. Asahi takes another deep breath and squeezes Noya’s hand lightly. 

“I love you.” Asahi says quietly. They’ve been saying that to each other for a while now, but every time still makes Noya feel like his heart skips a beat.

“I love you too.” He replies.

They sit like that, in a comfortable silence, for a while, before Asahi points out that Noya should eat more before they run out of time and they have to detangle their arms so that Noya has a hand to eat with. 

Noya passes the rest of his classes for the day completely oblivious to what goes on around him. His entire being focused on what is going to happen after school. He’s nervous, this is obviously something important to Asahi and he does not want to mess this up, but he’s also really determined. 

Kazuo is important to Asahi. Noya will do whatever he can to make this meeting go well. 

By the time he meets Asahi, Suga, and Daichi after school, he is practically vibrating with pent up energy. Asahi seems too nervous himself to notice but Suga laughs at him good naturedly. 

On the walk to Daichi’s Suga and Daichi try to strike up a conversation about the meeting they had with Takeda at lunch, but Asahi and Noya aren’t paying attention. They eventually give up on trying to engage them in conversation and discuss instead a homework problem their class had been assigned.

When they reach Daichi’s house it’s just as Noya remembers, a large over the top mansion amidst an even larger well maintained garden, except for the beat up old pickup truck and small passenger car parked in the driveway. 

There are two people sitting on one of the porch benches, he realizes as they get closer to the house. A woman with long brown hair and a man that Noya guesses must be Asahi’s brother. Something brushes against his wrist and he looks down to see Asahi reaching for his hand. He entwines his fingers with Asahi’s and gives his hand what he hopes is a reassuring squeeze.

“Kazuo! Tohru! It’s so great to see you again!” Suga says, bounding over to the now standing pair to give the woman a hug which she enthusiastically returns. 

Kazuo is not what Noya was expecting. He had been expecting someone who looks vaguely like Asahi, and the man standing before them does not. His eyes and hair are both several shades darker than Asahi’s and he wears his hair short. He is also really short. Like, Noya’s height short.

In fact Noya can’t find a single feature the brother’s share, that is until Kazuo looks at Asahi and the pleasant smile he wore before transforms into something even brighter. That smile is so familiar it leaves Noya momentarily breathless. 

“Kazuo, Tohru, this is my boyfriend Nishinoya. Noya this is my brother and his wife Tohru.” Asahi says in a rush. He’s squeezing Noya’s hand so hard Noya’s actually starting to worry about the safety of his fingers. 

He’s about to say something about how honored he is to be meeting them when he finds himself wrapped in a hug from Tohru. 

“I’m so glad to finally be meeting you Noya” Tohru says, squeezing him surprisingly tight. He’s caught off guard and is still trying to figure out how to respond when she pulls back and places her hands on his cheeks.

“Thank you for taking such good care of our Asahi-chan” she says before moving on to hug Asahi.

“I thought you had plans today and couldn’t make it.” Asahi says to her as he hugs her back.

“I did, but I rescheduled them.” She says. “There’s really no good way to move this much stuff and this many people without using two cars.”

“Besides” She says, poking Asahi in the chest “my other plans were boring and I wanted to meet your boyfriend. So no saying you’re sorry for disrupting my plans.” 

Asahi still looks like he’s about to say sorry anyway but Kazuo speaks up.

“You know there’s no arguing with her about this sort of thing Asahi” He says. “Why even bother? You’re just going to lose.”

“That’s right.” She says cheerfully. She hugs Daichi too before returning to her husband’s side to sling an arm over his shoulders. She’s slightly taller than him, Noya realizes.

An hour later, Noya’s not really sure what Asahi was worried about. Loading the truck with Asahi’s things goes quickly and smoothly since Asahi had everything packed and prepared in advance. Tohru is friendly and kind and he imagines it’s hard to find anyone who doesn’t get along with her. Kazuo is a bit quieter and more reserved at first but he seems to open up more as the day goes on. And Noya’s pretty sure they’re getting along great.

He learns more about Kazuo in that first hour after meeting him then he’s learned in the entire three months prior. He learns that Kazuo is 27, nine years older than Asahi almost to the day. He takes after their mother whereas Asahi looks like their father, which explains their very different appearances. Noya wonders which parent they get their smiles from. Kazuo likes volleyball but has no talent for it, he worked as a manager for his high school team though. Him and Tohru met in elementary school but lost touch when Tohru’s family moved away. They reconnected as adults by chance, and realized they were each other's soul mates. He and Tohru have been married for three years, and they bought their farm two years ago. They raise goats and chickens but most of their focus is on plants. 

Noya likes talking to Kazuo. Once he opens up a bit more he’s friendly and funny and he obviously already gets along great with Suga and Daichi. Noya finds he especially likes listening to Kazuo talk to or about Asahi or Tohru though. His love for them shines through in the warmth of his tone and the the expression on his face. 

Once they’ve loaded all of Asahi’s things into the back of the truck they split up for the drive to Asahi’s new apartment. Suga, Daichi, and Noya wind up in the small four person passenger car with Tohru, and Asahi joins his brother in the truck. 

The apartment building they pull up next to is plain and old looking. But it’s not too far from a train station and it doesn’t look like there’s anything wrong with it. They all grab various items and boxes from the back of the truck and follow Asahi to a door on the third floor. The apartment is small, only consisting of one room and a bathroom, and it’s just as plain as the exterior of the building. But Asahi looks so excited that it makes the whole room seem better. 

Or maybe Noya’s just biased, but either way, he’s glad he gets to share this moment with his boyfriend. 

They decide the best plan would be for Asahi to stay in the apartment so he can start unpacking and direct people where to put things and the rest of them will bring up the stuff. Tohru offers to get everyone some dinner and leaves to go pick it up from the restaurant. 

After a few trips Suga and Daichi get distracted trying to help Asahi set up one of the pieces of furniture and stop going back down to get stuff from the truck. 

So that’s how Noya finds himself alone with Kazuo as they head down to grab the last of the boxes. There’s something he wants to ask, wants to know, but Asahi has always avoided the subject. There’s probably no tactful way to bring this up, it’s probably just as much a sore subject with Kazuo as it is with Asahi. 

He only met Kazuo a few hours ago, he probably shouldn’t bring it up at all. But Kazuo has seemed so open and friendly and Noya really wants to know.

“Kazuo…” He starts without thinking. Kazuo hums in acknowledgement as he rearranges the boxes in his hands to open the door to the building for them. 

“Asahi has mentioned that you don’t get along with your stepdad….” Noya says, deciding to just go for it now that he’s already started. “And I was wondering why that is?”

Kazuo doesn’t respond at first, and when Noya chances a glance at him his eyebrows are creased together and he is frowning. Noya’s heart rate speeds up. 

Fuck he shouldn’t have asked, he thinks. 

He’s trying to think of something to do or say to somehow backpedal out of this conversation when Kazuo speaks.

“Our step dad doesn’t like me because I am trans.” He says, voice resigned. Nishinoya’s confusion at the unfamiliar term must have shown on his face because Kazuo chuckles and explains further. 

“I’ve always been a guy. In all the ways that matter. But I was assigned female at birth.” Kazuo says. He seems to be choosing his words carefully. Noya still doesn’t quite understand, but it’s enough for now. 

“Our step dad is someone who believes that no one can be a gender other than the one they were assigned at birth. And that anyone who claims to be trans is being willfully disrespectful.” Kazuo continues as they climb the stairs. “Mom didn’t remarry until after I moved out for college so luckily I never had to live with him... but I know it’s been hard on Asahi having to listen to the way he talks about me.”

“I’ve accepted that there is never going to be a positive relationship between me and my step dad. I was a little worried when I came out that he’d convince mom not to let me see Asahi any more, but that didn’t happen and for that I am grateful.” It seems like such a small thing to be grateful for to Noya. 

The two obviously care a lot about each other so he could see how it would be painful to think about the possibility of not being allowed to see each other anymore but it shouldn’t have even been a possibility. Noya hadn’t thought he could like Asahi’s stepdad any less than he already did, but he apparently can.

“I don’t really care if people don’t like me or think I am faking or whatever, but Asahi cares about that sort of thing. I honestly wish he’d stop worrying about me so much and stand up for himself more.” Kazuo says. 

“It’s just because he loves you so much.” Noya says without thinking. He regrets it immediately. That was probably overstepping his boundaries again, why doesn’t he think before he opens his mouth?

“Woah you guys are carrying so much!” Tohru exclaims from the stairway.

“Need me to get the door for you?” Her arms are weighed down with take out bags that probably contain way more food than they’ll need but her hands are free.

Kazuo doesn’t acknowledge Noya’s statement, but the blush high on his cheeks where Asahi usually blushes tells Noya that he heard it. 

Tohru opens the door for them. They set down the last of the boxes and everyone gathers around the recently constructed table to eat. There is a lot of chatter and playful teasing and laughter. Asahi has his arm around Noya’s shoulder. Noya feels warm and happy and at home.

After dinner they all help Asahi unpack for a while longer before Kazuo looks at his watch and announces that it’s probably time everyone headed home. Noya doesn’t want to leave but it is getting close to his curfew.

Kazuo and Tohru offer to give everyone rides home. 

Noya’s not sure how they’re going to divide up to all fit in the cars again. He figures maybe Tohru will just drive them all home because all the people that need rides fit in her car. It certainly seems that way when Suga and Daichi take the seats in the back, but when Kazuo gets in the passenger seat of Tohru’s car, Noya is confused. 

But then Asahi’s arm is around his shoulder, keys to Kazuo’s truck in hand. 

“I’ll drive you home? If that’s okay?” Asahi asks. 

“Yeah.” Noya says. He hadn’t known Asahi could drive, but he likes this plan a lot better than what he had thought was going to happen. Any plan that lets him spend more time with Asahi is a good one in his opinion.

They get in the truck and Asahi starts it up. He waves to the others as they pull away from the curb. 

There’s a lot of things Noya wants to tell Asahi, things he’s wanted to talk to Asahi about if they got any alone time have been building up since lunch, but now that he actually has the opportunity he can’t find the words. 

Maybe it’s the dim and inconsistent lighting of the street lights as they pass but Asahi looks so comfortable and at ease driving. He doesn’t see Asahi wear these kinds of emotions often. 

“Kazuo has me drive a lot when I help him at the farm, so even though I’ve never had a car myself I know how to drive.” Asahi says after noticing Noya’s stare and misinterpreting the thoughts behind it.

They lapse back into silence for a few moments. Noya forces himself to look away from Asahi, and out the passenger side window instead. Looking at Asahi is filling him with too many emotions and not leaving him with enough headspace to gather his thoughts.

“So I talked to Kazuo. About why your step dad doesn’t like him.” He says eventually. He knows it’s probably not the best place to start but he can’t think of a better option. “He said it’s because he is trans?”

He hadn’t meant for that to come out as a question and he frowns at himself.

Asahi is quiet. When he looks at him, he’s still paying attention to the road but all the ease has left his body, leaving him looking tense and uncomfortable. Like he’s waiting for something bad to happen. Things start to click for Noya. Why Asahi was so nervous for him to meet Kazuo, why he put it off this long.

“Is that why you didn’t want me to meet him? Were you worried that I’d dislike him for being trans or something?” He asks even though he’s already figured out the answer. 

“I don’t.” He hastily adds on, wanting to reassure Asahi if he can. “I don’t dislike him. I-”

“I don’t really understand it to be honest…” he admits. “But I don’t really care I guess? I don’t know if that’s the right way to put it…”

“It doesn’t matter to me if he’s trans? He loves you and you love him and that’s what’s important to me… is I guess what I’m trying to say?” Everything is coming out as questions now and he knows he’s talking too fast. 

Asahi pulls the truck over to the side of a deserted and unfamiliar road.

When he looks to Asahi to ask what’s going on he can see tears on glinting on Asahi’s cheeks in the dim yellow light of the street light they are parked beneath.

“Asahi?” 

Asahi rubs the tears away roughly with his hands and takes a shuddering breath.

“I’m sorry.” He says, voice shaky and wracked with emotion. “I- I wanted to believe that you wouldn’t care… but... “

“I was so scared.” 

The tears keep falling despite his repeated attempts to scrub them away in the same rough manner as before.

“I love you so much… I- I don’t know what I’d have done if.. if you… if you were like them.” It’s said quietly and Asahi’s hands shake when he wipes away the tears again. Nishinoya knows that by “them” Asahi means his step dad and step brother. 

Nishinoya hits the seat belt release so hard it hurts his finger and clamours across the bench seat of the truck. He pushes Asahi’s hands away from his face and replaces them with his own. His thumbs ghost over the red skin under Asahi’s eyes gently. He angles Asahi’s head so they are face to face and presses his lips against Asahi’s. It’s messy and he presses too hard but he doesn’t care. He peppers the rest of Asahi’s face with soft kisses. 

It tastes of salt from all the tears. 

“I love you.” He says, pulling back to rest his forehead against Asahi’s. “I’m sorry you’ve had to worry about this.”

Asahi doesn’t respond with words, but his hand finds its way into Noya’s hair and he pulls him into another kiss. 

They kiss again and again, hardly even pausing to breathe. The kisses get slower and softer, but no less filled with emotion. Noya feels like he’s burning up from the inside out. But in a good way, if that is possible.

He winds up being late for his curfew and having to tell his mother some excuse he knows she doesn’t believe due to the massive blush on his face that will not go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that was an update. Hope you liked it? As always comments/kudos/etc are greatly appreciated. 
> 
> Hope you’re all doing well.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So an additional side pairing and some additional tags have been added to this fic please check to make sure you are still comfortable continuing. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy and thank you everyone for all the well wishes and comments. They are tremendously appreciated.

It’s March 3rd, Ryuu’s 17th birthday. And Noya has a promise to keep.

He gets to Ryuu’s house a full hour before they normally meet to walk to school together. He’d tried to tell himself he was leaving too early, but he was so anxious he had left anyway. 

He could just go inside the Tanaka’s house. Ryuu’s parents had given him a key a few years ago because Ryuu was always losing his. They wouldn’t mind him showing up before school. He probably should go inside, but he doesn’t.

Instead he sits on the curb across the street, between two cars. He can watch the Tanaka’s front door pretty well from this vantage point but he isn’t super noticeable himself. He’s probably being weird. There isn’t much foot traffic on this street yet but an old lady who notices him as she walks by gives him a suspicious look.

He’s been here a half hour now, and aside from his butt getting sore from sitting on the cold concrete nothing has happened. He yawns and rubs his eyes. He’d been up late last night talking to Asahi. They had talked about his plans for today. Asahi had been so encouraging and supportive. 

It makes Noya feel like the worst person alive.

Because as much as he is trying to ignore it, he still has feelings he shouldn’t have for Ryuu.

He’s been equal parts looking forward to and dreading Ryuu’s birthday. If Ryuu gets a name, maybe the feelings will finally actually go away. He tries to tell himself that will happen. He tries not to let himself think about what if Ryuu doesn’t get a name, and he especially doesn’t let himself think about what if he does and the feelings still don’t go away.

A noise from across the street draws his attention. A tall woman with long blonde hair is leaning down to kiss Saeko on the front porch. Noya doesn’t get a good look at her before she is waving goodbye and climbing into a car parked in front of the house. Saeko watches the car as it disappears down the street. 

Ryuu emerges from the front door a moment later. He’s somehow managed to get his jacket tangled with the strap of his bag. Saeko laughs at him but helps him get detangled anyway. 

Noya’s seen countless similar scenes through the years of their friendship but the rush of fondness he feels makes him feel even more guilty than it used to. 

Saeko heads back inside and Ryuu starts down the sidewalk in the direction of their normal meeting spot. 

He takes a deep breath and springs up, sprinting across the street after Ryuu. He doesn’t quite stop in time once he reaches him and he stumbles into his side a bit. Ryuu catches him without thinking about it, but he drops his arms when he notices. He looks surprised, and uncomfortable. 

Maybe this was a bad idea, Noya thinks feeling a lance of pain through his chest at the realization that Ryuu isn’t happy to see him. 

“I didn’t know Saeko had a girlfriend.” He blurts out. Ryuu’s eyes widen and Noya can see him thinking through his response.

“Yeah, uh Masami.” He says. That’s the name of Saeko’s soulmate, Noya realizes, various vague memories of the name on Saeko’s wrist floating to the surface. They’ve fallen into step together headed towards school. “They’ve been together for a while now… since like October I think?”

“What?! October? That’s so long.” Noya says. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Ryuu looks uncomfortable at the question, and Noya wishes he could take it back. He kind of wishes he could take back all of his decisions about Ryuu in the last few months. Things have gotten so weird between them. 

“She wasn’t out yet when they started dating.” Ryuu says shrugging. “She only came out to her family like a month ago.”

“Oh... that makes sense.” Is all noya can think to say in response. He doesn’t point out that that still leaves a whole month when Ryuu could have told him this pretty big news. “Saeko seems happy?”

Ryuu smiles at that. It makes Noya’s heart beat a little faster.

“Yeah, yeah she is.” Ryuu says fondly. “Masami’s pretty great, Saeko adores her.”

“That’s good, I’m glad.” Noya responds. And he is. Saeko’s always treated him like part of the family and he loves her like the sister he had never realized he wanted. “Do you like her?”

“Uh yeah, she’s nice and she’s pretty fun to be around y’know?” Ryuu responds. “It’s weird being like… related to Tsukishima now though.”

“What?” Noya’s stopped in his tracks.

Ryuu stops too and turns back to look at Noya. He’s fiddling with the strap on his bag and Noya’s not sure if it’s from nervousness or uncomfortableness or what.

“Yeah, Tsukishima is Masami’s younger brother.” He says.

Noya takes a moment to think about this new information. He didn’t get a good look at Masami, but the features he did notice (the hair and the height) do kind of remind him of Tsukishima now that he knows they are related.

“So like are you going to make Tsukishima call you older brother when Masami and Saeko get married?” He asks as they resume walking. A laugh escapes Ryuu at Noya’s question and Noya feels a little lightheaded.

“I don’t think I could if I wanted to.” Ryuu says still chuckling. 

They slip into a somewhat comfortable silence after that. About as comfortable as they’ve been able to manage lately at least. They’re each caught up in their own thoughts. 

“Happy Birthday by the way” Noya says belatedly. He’d been distracted by the news about Saeko and had forgotten to say it earlier. It’s a good thing they don’t give an award for shittiest friend in the yearbook because he’s pretty sure he’d win this year.

Ryuu frowns and the grip he has on his bag tightens. Noya had thought Ryuu had been handling things well… but this makes him think maybe he was wrong.

“You doing ok?” He asks, his voice is quieter than before and he walks a bit closer to Ryuu then he was before.

At first, Ryuu doesn’t respond and Noya worries he’s not going to, but then he seems to steel himself. Ryuu’s always been good at keeping it together mentally, a skill Noya’s always been a bit jealous of.

“Yeah… ? Maybe?” Ryuu responds. His frown deepens. “I don’t know”

“Do you wanna skip?” Noya asks. Ryuu’s in a different class than him this year, but pretty much all the classes are just doing review for the end of the year tests at this point so it wouldn’t be too bad if they missed today. “We could get some snacks and go down to the park?”

Ryuu thinks about the offer for a while before he shakes his head ‘no’.

“Nah, I think I’m good.” He says. “Just kinda want to fast forward and get it over with y’know? It’s probably going to happen during practice, if it happens at all and like I’m not going to be able to focus all day because of it.”

“Yeah.” Noya responds. “If you change your mind later though, just like... come get me and we can go.”

Ryuu nods. His grip on the strap of his bag is still tight, but not as tight as before. Noya wishes he could do more. 

He manages not to fall asleep in any of his classes, but he doesn’t manage to pay attention either. 

The time creeps by till lunch.

At lunch Ryuu seems tense, but he insists that he’s fine and that they should eat lunch with their friends like normal. 

Suga brings Ryuu a little cake. He shares it with everyone, insisting that everyone try some. He’s acting like there’s no big life changing event looming before him but Noya’s knows he’s not the only one who notices the way he looks when he forgets other people are watching. 

Classes after lunch are somehow worse than they were before lunch. He gets kicked out of class twice because he’s so full of nervous energy and so clearly not paying attention.

When the final bell rings he’s the first one out the door. He sprints down the hall towards Ryuu’s classroom. Someone yells at him not to run in the hall but he doesn’t even stop long enough to notice who.

When he spots Ryuu he jumps onto his friend’s back. After years of their friendship Ryuu is relatively used to Noya’s antics so even though he is momentarily thrown off balance he quickly recovers. He pushes his back up to shift Noya into a better position and his arms slide under Noya’s legs to better support him. 

“Ha, it’s my birthday shouldn’t you be the one carrying me?” Ryuu asks, Noya can’t see his face but he can hear the smile on his voice.

“I can if ya’ want.” Noya says. It would be difficult not because of Ryuu’s weight but because of his height. Noya’s pretty sure he could do it though.

“Nah, it’s cool.” Ryuu says. He’s walking them towards the club room. This is more physical contact than they’ve had for a while. Noya’s been avoiding it himself and Ryuu must have picked up on that because he’d been doing the same thing. 

But Ryuu will officially be seventeen soon, so Noya reasons he can let himself have this moment. 

He can feel guilty about it later.

His arms are draped over Ryuu’s shoulders and they bounce against his chest as he walks. Noya rests his chin on Ryuu’s shoulder. This feels so comfortable and natural. He wonders if Ryuu will still give him rides like this once he’s found his soulmate.

Probably not, he thinks sadly.

If there is one thing Noya’s sure about it’s that Ryuu is going to dote on whoever his soulmate is. He’s a romantic at heart and Noya imagines they will have less bro time when that happens. He feels a little jealous. 

He knows that even with Asahi being super supportive of their friendship that their relationship has cut into the time normally reserved for Ryuu. How much less time will they have if they are both in relationships?

“You sure you want to go to practice?” He asks. They’re outside now and there’s no one else around. They could just leave. Daichi would understand.

He wants Ryuu to ditch practice with him, he realizes. He wants to make this last little while where he can pretend things are still like they were before to last as long as possible. Doesn’t want others to intrude on this time with Ryuu.

“Nah, it’s-” Ryuu starts. Noya can feel him take a deep breath before continuing. “It’s whatever. I just kinda want to get it all over with so that hopefully I can stop feeling-”

Ryuu cuts himself off and seems to rethink what he was about to say.

“So I can stop feeling like I’ve got a countdown clock on me.” He continues. It’s not what he had been about to say, Noya’s not sure how he knows that but he does. He wants to know what Ryuu had been about to say, but he doesn’t press. 

“Even if I don’t get a name, I think I’ll feel better after the time passes. Because at least then it could pop up any time y’know? I won’t just be spending all day waiting on this one time when something big might happen.”

“Hmmm… that makes sense.” Noya says. What else can he say? He promised to be there for Ryuu on his birthday in case he freaks out, he can’t ask Ryuu to ditch with him just because apparently he’s freaking out more than Ryuu is.

When they get to the base of the stairs leading up to the club room Noya hops down from Ryuu’s back and they race each other up the stairs. 

Practice starts pretty normally, with the exception that everyone keeps looking at Ryuu every few minutes. He’s not sure how all of them found out when Ryuu was born or if this is just something people have been doing all day. Practice intensifies when they’re split up to do a practice match. People forget to look for a name on Ryuu’s arms, plenty distracted by his spikes instead. 

Noya is at least. He’s been put on the team opposite Ryuu and he has to put considerable focus into catching the spikes and even then he doesn’t get all of them.

He’s so focused on the gameplay in fact that he doesn’t notice the moment when Ryuu stops and looks down at his arm.

He does notice a familiar mild burning sensation on his arm though, and he looks down at himself in surprise to see a new name forming on the arm opposite the one bearing Asahi’s.

“Ryuunosuke”

He’s pretty sure this is what being in shock feels like. He’s only vaguely aware of the people around him and it seems like the sound has been muted. Or maybe he just can’t hear anything past the deafening sound of his own heartbeat.

Some part of his brain, a part that’s keeping itself far enough away from the rest of him to not be overwhelmed, notices that Ryuu has gotten his name, and that Asahi still just has Noya’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry! ( ๑•́ㅿ•̀๑) I feel like this is an important time to remind everyone that this is an Asahi/Tanaka/Noya fic and everyone will end up happy and in love but it’s just not going to all work out right away. So please stick with the story until then, I promise to do my best to make it worth it.
> 
> I really want to do a sidefic of Masami and Saeko but I also have so much other stuff to write and stuff so idk. I just think they’re really adorable. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! Comments/kudos/messages are always appreciated.


	10. Chapter 10

Takeda and Ukai bring him, Asahi, and Ryuu outside. He can’t be sure, because he still is having a hard time hearing and processing information but he’s pretty sure they tell Daichi to run some drills with the rest of the team in the meantime. 

Like that’s going to happen. Daichi will probably try but he’d be willing to bet all the money he got from relatives for christmas that the rest of the team is already all pressed around the windows and doors of the gym trying to catch what is being said outside.

Asahi and Ryuu are standing to either side of him, but he can’t look at either of them. 

He’s not really feeling anything right now, which seems weird but he thinks maybe it’s the shock. He knows though, that if he looks at Ryuu or Asahi right now, that the spell will be broken and he won't be so numb anymore.

That thought is terrifying, so he stares at the ground instead. 

Takeda is by Ryuu and he’s murmuring something to him, but it’s quiet and Noya can’t, or maybe doesn’t want to, hear it. Ukai is standing across from them. Noya can’t make himself look at him either so he doesn’t know what kind of expression the coach is wearing, something bad probably.

“So, I think it’s safe to say this was a big surprise for everyone involved.” Ukai starts. He chuckles a little, but it sounds forced and it dies out quickly. Like he had been trying to lighten the mood but realized it wasn’t going to be that easy.

Noya continues to look at the ground. He doesn’t know what else to do. Doesn’t know if there’s anything else he can do. 

Ukai sighs, and his sneakers scuff across the cement as he shifts his position. 

“Look I’m not going to lie to you kids, this… situation... you’re in, it’s- it’s not going to be easy.” Ukai’s voice has lost the false lightness it had had earlier, he’s clearly switching strategies. “But it ain’t the end of the world.”

It feels like it is, he wants to say. But his mouth feels glued shut and he can’t make his jaw move. So he just stays quiet and continues to stare at the ground.

“You’re all great kids, you- you guys can get through this.” Ukai continues. “It’s going to involve a lot of work and communication, but this doesn’t have to be a bad thing.”

How can it not be bad? Noya thinks. Despair, cold and cruel, threatens to consume him. Held at bay only by the fact that he still isn’t letting himself process any of this. It whispers as it creeps closer. This is all his fault. He’s broken, he’s bad, he’s wrong. 

He’s ruined Ryuu and Asahi’s lives because he’s selfish. Because he couldn’t keep his feelings in check.

Because he’s broken.

When he hears, distantly, a choked back sob, he initially thinks it came from himself. The rush of shame quickly transforms into a stab of physical pain through his chest when he realizes it came from Ryuu and not him.

He looks at him, doesn’t mean to, doesn’t think about it. Ryuu’s covering his eyes with his arm but Noya can see the tears rolling down his cheeks. His shoulders shake with held back sobs. Takeda has a hand on his back and is still trying to calm him. It’s still not working.

It does what Noya expected it to. The emotions previously held at bay by the surprise of it all break through the dam and rush to overwhelm him. He feels the tears forming in his eyes and making his vision blurry but he is helpless to stop them from falling. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Ryuu says through rushed breaths and barely held back sobs. “This is all my fault.”

Noya struggles to clear the cement from his mouth, to force his jaw to move, his voice to work. He needs to say something. Can’t let Ryuu blame himself for this.

Asahi beats him to it.

“It’s not your fault.” When Noya looks at Asahi he looks as tired and unsure as his voice sounds. But he can’t find any trace of the anger, the betrayal he expected to be on Asahi’s face. “No one chooses their soulmate, so it’s- it’s no one’s fault right?”

“Right.” Ukai confirms. He looks proud of Asahi and like he’s going to say something else when Ryuu cuts him off.

“No, no it is my fault.” He says. “If I- if I hadn’t felt the way I felt, if I didn’t have these… these feelings about someone who already has a soulmate… if I could have just made myself stop feeling that way about Noya…”

Noya can taste his own salty tears on his lips when he finally manages to pry his mouth open and say something.

“If it’s anyone’s fault it’s mine.” His hands are clenched at his sides, his nails digging into his palms. “I already had Asahi but I… I still had feelings for Ryuu.”

He hears a surprised noise from Ryuu at his admission but nothing from Asahi. He can’t make himself look at him, he’s too ashamed.

“It’s no one’s fault.” Takeda asserts. “Having feelings for someone prior to getting a name does not play a role in determining who your soulmate is.”

“I can’t say I have any personal experience with this sort of thing.” Takeda continues, referencing his own still nameless arms. “But I have read a lot of literature on the subject.”

“There is a correlation between having feelings for someone prior to getting a soulmark and them being your soulmate, but all the research suggests that that just means soul mates who know each other prior to getting their soulmarks are more likely to develop feelings for eachother not that having feelings for someone makes them more likely to be your soulmate.”

“Takeda is right.” Ukai confirms. “I’m not as well read or smart as he is but I do have real life experience with having a soulmate. It’s not talked about a lot, especially in smaller towns like ours, but it’s not as uncommon as you might think to have feelings for other people even after finding your soulmate. I’ve had feelings for people who aren’t my soulmate, and I’ve known my soulmate since high school.” 

“You’re not bad people for having feelings for eachother.” Ukai continues. “Feelings aren’t what determine whether we are good or bad, our actions do.”

Noya still feels scared and guilty, but the persistence and assurance of the adults is making him feel less like he is completely overwhelmed. He manages to stop crying and he rubs away his remaining tears roughly with his hands. 

Ryuu has also stopped crying, he notes. Takeda is still rubbing his back though. He’s still not brave enough to look at Asahi. Still has no idea how he has reacted to finding out about Noya’s feelings for Ryuu.

“I want to make sure you all know that you have options. I don’t want any of you to feel like you have to do things a certain way or like you have no choice in this matter.” Ukai says. “You can’t choose who your soulmate is, you can’t choose to not have feelings for someone when you do. But you can all still choose what you do.”

“I think it’d be good for the three of you to talk about how you want to handle things going forward and it might be helpful to have someone mediate that discussion. If you’d like I would be happy to do so and I’m sure Takeda wouldn’t mind either.” Ukai says, glancing at Takeda for confirmation and getting a determined nod from the teacher. 

It takes a bit of work for Takeda and Ukai to get them all to speak up on the matter but it’s eventually decided that they will talk it over in Takeda’s office, with both Ukai and Takeda.

Once that’s agreed upon Ukai heads back into the gym to send the rest of the team home while Takeda walks them to his office. It’s a small room and Takeda flutters about trying to find space for everyone to sit amidst the stacks of paperwork.

Ukai joins them a few minutes later and takes the seat beside Takeda across the desk from Noya, Ryuu, and Asahi. 

“So, where should we begin?” Takeda says, it’s addressed to the whole room but Noya’s pretty sure they’re all looking to Ukai to answer. 

“Well..” Ukai says, he seems to think it over for a moment before continuing. “Maybe we should start with each of you saying what you’re feeling… or something?”

“That sounds like a good place to start to me.” Takeda says reassuringly. “Does anyone want to go first?”

Takeda’s question is met with silence and avoided eye contact. 

Ukai chuckles fondly at their behavior and says “Why don’t you go first Nishinoya?”

Shit, he doesn’t know what to say.

“I… I um.... I still feel like this is my fault.” He says, grabbing on to the first thing he can think of to say. “I feel really guilty, but more then that I feel really really scared.”

“It’s understandable that you feel that way” Takeda says “This is not your fault, but I understand how it can feel like it is.”

“What are you scared of?” Ukai says “I know the whole situation is probably scary and overwhelming but is there anything more specific about your fears?”

Noya has to think for a moment. It’s hard to detangle the mess of negative emotions inside himself right now into smaller more specific threads but he does his best.

“I don’t know… I guess the not knowing?” He says eventually. “Not knowing how this is going to work out. You said we had options… but I can’t think of any that are good.”

“Even if by some miracle they both decide not to hate me, how would I even choose? I-” he takes a shuddery breath “I love them both. A lot.”

“I don’t want either of them to be hurt, I’m worried they already are.”

“You don’t necessarily have to choose.” Ukai says carefully. Noya doesn’t understand. “Have you ever heard of polyamory?”

Noya shakes his head ‘no’. 

“Well… I don’t really know how to explain it… I’m not super familiar with it myself…” Ukai starts “But basically in a polyamorous relationship you can have more than one significant other…?”

“That…” Dating Asahi and Ryuu? It seems like such an impossibility he doesn’t even want to let himself think about it. “That doesn’t seem fair to the other people involved. It seems like cheating?”

“Hmm I think the key difference between cheating and polyamory, is that in polyamory all people involved know about and have agreed to the situation, where as cheating on someone means doing something that goes against what you have agreed upon.” Takeda says. “I’m also, unfortunately, not very familiar with such things but that is my understanding.”

“I’d be okay with it.” Asahi says, surprising everyone. Noya stares at him with wide eyes. Asahi looks uncomfortable with being stared at by everyone but he continues anyway. “I… it wouldn’t be easy I don’t think. I’d probably get jealous and insecure sometimes. But…”

“I’ve known you like Tanaka for a long time. Since before we started dating” He addresses this part to Noya. “I just, I wasn’t sure if you knew.”

Noya is shocked, again. Asahi knew? Why hadn’t he said anything?

“So it’d be hard to have to share you, but-” Asahi says “but Tanaka’s a good guy. You like him a lot and he obviously likes you a lot too. If dating both of us is what would make you happiest.. I’m ok with that. I’m willing to try it at least.”

Noya struggles to come up with some sort of response but he can’t think of anything. His brain feels so overloaded with new information and he hasn’t had any time to process any of it. It doesn’t feel like there’s any space left in there for anything else.

“I- I think I’d be willing to try that too.” Ryuu says. Noya turns to look at him, his eyes are still red from crying earlier, and his voice is rough like he has a sore throat. He seems nervous and unsure but underneath that Noya can see a hint of the Ryuu that recovers from things quickly and doesn’t let them get to him for long. “I think it’ll be hard... And weird… but i don’t know... If it’s what Noya wants…”

All the eyes in the room turn to him. 

He doesn’t know what to say. He loves them both and the idea of getting to have both of them is so tempting. But it still makes him feel so selfish.

“Only… only if you’re both sure you’re ok with this.” He says eventually. 

“You’ve all handled this admirably. I am so proud of all of you.” Takeda says fondly. “I understand that discussing this with your parents may be difficult. If any of you would like I could meet with them as well, to talk this over?”

Crap, he hadn’t even thought about the fact that he’d have to tell his parents about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I belatedly remembered that Takeda’s office is just like a cubicle… so I guess for the purposes of this au he has an office that is like a whole separate room. Sorry, I didn’t feel like reworking the scene after I realized.
> 
> I hope the dialogue was ok? I always feel like I don’t know what I’m doing when I write dialogue. ; ( - w - )
> 
> Comments/kudos always very appreciated!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think I’m going to make Fridays the update days because it works well for my schedule and seems to get the best amount of responses. Ideally I’d like it to be every friday but I don’t know how realistic that is. Thank you everyone who is reading this fic and extra thanks to anyone who has left kudos and/or comments.

Telling his parents sucks. 

He and Ryuu both take Takeda up on his offer to help talk to their parents. Asahi declines. Noya winds up getting to go first because Ryuu’s parents won't be home till after they close the restaurant for the night. 

It’s not that his parents are angry or anything like that, they’re just worried. His mom cries. Takeda does his best to reassure them that Noya can still have a bright, happy, future even with things being the way they are. Despite the teacher’s persistence, Noya’s not sure his mom believes him.

Going to school the next day sucks worse though.

The walk to school with Ryuu is awkward and uncomfortable. They talk about how things went telling their parents, but avoid talking about why they needed to in the first place. 

Everyone seems to already know by the time Noya gets to class. He’s not sure how news gets around so fast but he wishes everyone else would just mind their own business. Every time there’s a break or the teacher steps out of class he can hear them whispering about him. About how selfish and arrogant he must be. 

The stares follow him even when the teacher is in the classroom. 

By the time lunch rolls around he’s already exhausted and his nerves are frayed. He has no idea how he’s going to handle lunch. They’d all agreed to try this but they hadn’t really had a chance to talk about the logistics of it yet. 

When he gets to their usual lunch spot Asahi, Daichi, and Suga are already there. They seem a bit tired and grumpy but generally ok. He wonders if Asahi is getting pestered as much as he is. 

He hopes not.

He sits in his usual spot next to Asahi, he’s not sure if that’s where he should sit but he can’t think of a better alternative. He forgets to be worried about seating arrangements though, when Ryuu shows up with a fresh black eye and the rest of the second year volleyball players. 

Ryuu takes his usual spot on Noya’s other side but Ennoshita, who looks extremely grumpy, pointedly sits on the opposite side of the table then his usual spot and well away from Ryuu.

For a moment no one says anything. 

“So… How’d you get that black eye?” Daichi asks, breaking the silence.

Ryuu groans and puts his head on the table, covering his head with his arms. 

“It’s dumb, don’t ask.” He says. 

“Ennoshita gave it to him.” Kinoshita says. His tone is playful which seems contradictory to the content of what he said.

“Hisashi... You can’t just say it like that they’ll think Ennoshita and Tanaka got into a fight or something-” Narita says, trying to reassure the third years and Noya. “It wasn’t like that, it was an accident.”

“An... accident?” Suga asks.

“Yeah… um… Tanaka got worked up about… something… and Ennoshita was trying to get him to calm down and accidentally elbowed him in the face...” There are clearly parts that Narita is intentionally leaving out of the story.

“What sort of something?” Daichi asks. Daichi and Suga are both wearing their “dad” expressions. He hopes they don’t get too upset with Ryuu. If Ryuu’s day’s been anything like Noya’s he’s pretty sure he understands.

“He tried to fight someone to defend the honor of our dear libero.” Kinoshita says. “It was very romantic and noble really, until he got elbowed in the face and had to go to the nurse’s office.”

Ryuu groans again and sinks lower in his seat. 

Noya wants to hug Ryuu, or hold his hand or something… but he still isn't really sure where the boundaries are so he just leans a little closer and hopes it’s enough.

He’s expecting Ryuu to get a lecture from Daichi, but Daichi and Asahi share a look Noya can’t read and instead Daichi just reminds Ryuu that he’ll have to miss practice if he gets suspended for fighting.

Lunch proceeds weirdly normally after that. No one talks about yesterday. Noya thinks he should be relieved but it winds up being more awkward than comforting.

As they’re all cleaning up their spaces and getting ready to head back to class, Asahi asks if he can walk with Noya so they can talk about something privately. Noya agrees and they head off together in the direction of Noya’s class when they are done cleaning up their lunches.

“I think you should hang out with Tanaka after school today.” Asahi says once they’re out of earshot of their friends. 

“But... we usually hang out on Fridays…” Noya says, surprised by the suggestion. In the months since he and Asahi had started dating it had become a bit of a habit that they’d spend friday evenings together. He understands that things will need to change if the arrangement they worked out yesterday is going to work, but he doesn’t want Asahi to feel like he has to give up their established date night.

“Yeah” Asahi says, “but your relationship with Tanaka is new, and I think it’d be good for both of you to have some time to yourselves…”

“Besides, Kazuo asked if I could help out with something on the farm so I can’t hang out tonight anyway.” Asahi continues. Noya’s pretty sure Asahi could have, and would have, rescheduled his plans with Kazuo if he wanted to, but he does have a point. As much as Noya’s dreading the awkwardness of it, it’s probably for the best if he and Ryuu actually talk more thoroughly about what has happened.

“Okay…” Noya says. He slips his hand into Asahi’s and entwines their fingers. “Thank you.” 

Asahi squeezes his hand gently in acknowledgement. 

When they pass an alcove near his classroom Asahi pulls him into it and into a hug. Snug and safe in Asahi’s arms Noya can feel some of the tension of the last few days seep out of him. He leans into the hug and brings his arms up to hug Asahi back. 

Asahi’s hand on his cheek prompts him to look up and Asahi bends down to close the distance between their mouths. The kiss is slow and somehow needy, like Asahi needs this reassurance just as much as Noya does. 

He’s not sure how long they stand there holding each other and kissing but they are interrupted by the bell letting them know that they are both late for class. 

Asahi rests his forehead against Noya’s. He has his eyes closed and Noya can feel his chest move when he takes a deep breath. 

“Sorry for making you late.” Asahi says. He opens his eyes and straightens up. 

“It’s ok.” Noya responds. “Sorry for making you late.”

“It’s ok.” Asahi says smiling at him.

They go their separate ways after that, both rushing off to their classrooms. 

He’s expecting his teacher to give him detention for being late, but to his surprise the teacher just tells him to take his seat. He’s not sure if he’s just imagining things but the stares from the other students seem to be more numerous and more hostile than they were before lunch.

It’s not until he comes back to class after going to the bathroom during the break before his last class of the day that he gets confirmation that he was definitely not imagining things.

All of his stuff is missing. Everything he hadn’t taken with him to the bathroom is gone from his desk. He scans the classroom but he doesn’t see it anywhere. The rest of the class is either acting like they don’t know what’s going on or laughing at him. 

He’s still standing there by his desk, face burning with embarrassment and unsure of what to do when the teacher comes in. The giggles die down, and the teacher asks him to sit.

He can’t bring himself to tell the teacher what has happened so he does as he’s told and sits.

They’re supposed to be working in their workbooks today, but his is gone so he just stares at his desk instead, trying to ignore the stares and the tears building up in his eyes. The teacher doesn’t comment about him not doing any work and he doesn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. 

When the bell rings, he doesn’t join the rest of his classmates in the rush to the door to start the weekend. He doesn’t want to have to look at them so he stays at his desk, head down, and waits for the majority of them to leave.

Someone slips a small piece of paper onto his desk, but he doesn’t see who. When he opens it it says the name of a courtyard. He’s not sure at this point that it’s a good idea to follow the vague instructions on a mysterious note but, he needs his stuff back. And this is the only lead he has. 

So he leaves the classroom and heads down the hallway towards the courtyard. He’s on the second floor now and he’ll be able to see the courtyard from the windows once he gets close. He figures he can just leave if it looks like a bad situation.

His stuff is all over the ground in the courtyard. 

He can see people walking by in the nearby first floor hallways but everyone’s avoiding the courtyard. The way things are strewn about it looks like someone dumped his stuff from one of the second floor windows. 

He doesn’t want to go down there and have to pick up all his stuff with everyone staring at him. But he also can’t think of a better option. So he gathers up what courage and resolve he can and heads down to the courtyard. 

It turns out to be worse than he imagined it would be. Because in addition to being able to feel people staring at him, he can hear them talking about him. 

There’s so many people passing by and talking that he doesn’t catch most of what is said. But he catches enough to know they’re talking about him. It’s just more of the same stuff they’ve been saying all day.

“Did you hear?”

“He has two names.”

“Who does he think he is? How is that fair?”

“What kind of freak gets two names?”

“That’s so selfish.”

“I feel bad for the poor guys stuck with someone like that as their soulmate.”

It’s not long before he’s having to fight back tears again. It’s making it harder to gather up all his stuff, which is exactly the opposite of what he wants. He just wants to get his things and go home as quickly as possible.

When someone drops down next to him he is alarmed at first but then he recognizes the frowning first year. Kageyama doesn’t say anything but he starts helping to gather Nishinoya’s things. 

Working together they’re able to gather up the rest of his stuff relatively quickly. Kageyama packs the last of it into Noya’s bag and then stands up. He holds his hand out to Noya and helps pull him to his feet, then hands him his bag. Noya’s not really sure what to say. He’s so grateful and embarrassed. He’s not sure if he should say thanks or sorry or both.

“Thanks Kage-” he starts but Kageyama cuts him off.

“Is that everything?” The first year is looking around to check to make sure they didn’t miss anything. 

“I- I think so.” Noya says, glancing around as well. 

“Good.” Kageyama says with a nod, he’s still frowning but Noya’s not sure if that’s just his neutral expression. 

Noya’s about to try again to thank him or apologize, he’s still not sure which, when Kageyama surprises him again by taking his hand and pulling him with him away from the courtyard and towards the front of the school.

Caught off guard, Noya allows himself to be pulled along. They get out to the main courtyard in front of the school and Kageyama looks like he’s looking for something. Noya’s gathered his wits enough to be about to ask Kageyama where they’re going when Kageyama seems to spot what he was looking for. 

His grip on Noya’s hand is a little too tight as he pulls him through the crowded courtyard towards some trees to the side of the entrance. When they break free from the crowds of students headed towards the exit Noya spots Ryuu and Ennoshita over where Kageyama is taking him. Ennoshita seems to be lecturing Ryuu, who seems to have accepted his fate and is pretending to listen from his spot sitting at the base of one of the trees. 

When Ryuu spots them approaching the boredom on his face is replaced by a concerned look and he stands. Ennoshita seems to give up on his lecture and turns his attention to them as well.

When they get to the other two second years Kageyama drops his hand and turns to him. 

“I have to go home now.” He states. He starts to turn to leave but Noya catches his arm and stops him.

“Thank you Kageyama.” Noya says. Kageyama blushes a little and nods in acknowledgement before leaving.

“What happened?” Ryuu asks, he’s frowning and the bruise around his eye has gotten darker since Noya saw it at lunch.

Noya wants to just brush it off and say nothing happened, but he knows that after being dropped off here like a lost child by Kageyama no one will believe that nothing happened. 

“Just people being jerks. I don’t want to talk about it right now.” He says instead, hoping they don’t press him for more information. 

He can see Ryuu’s fists clench at his sides, and his frown doesn’t go away but he doesn’t push for more information.

“Okay.” He says. He studies Noya for a moment. “Where are you meeting Asahi? Do you want us to walk with you?”

Noya thinks about his options for a moment. Part of him just wants to go home and crawl under his covers and be alone for a while, but he also kind of wants to listen to Asahi’s suggestion earlier.

“Um, Asahi’s brother needed his help with something so he can’t hang out tonight.” He says. 

“I was actually thinking maybe we could hang out,” he says addressing this part specifically to Ryuu, but then he glances over at Ennoshita “but if you guys already have plans it’s cool, I’ll just head home.” 

Ennoshita sighs and readjusts his bag on his shoulder. 

“We don’t.” He says to Noya. He starts to walk away towards the gate and says over his shoulder to Ryuu. “That conversation we were having isn’t over.” 

Ryuu rolls his eyes when he knows Ennoshita is no longer looking. 

“What conversation? You were just lecturing me.” He says under his breath. Noya chuckles. Ryuu seems surprised, like he hadn’t realized he’d said it out loud but when he looks at Noya his face breaks into a smile.

It’s the first time he’s ever felt like he doesn’t have to feel guilty for being in love with that smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… IMO kageyama is an awkward bean who wants to be helpful to his friends and teammates but isn’t so good at the interpersonal stuff. He tries anyway though the cute baby. 
> 
> BTW, I’m always taking suggestions here and on my blog for other characters/pairings people are interested in seeing in this AU. I have some plans for some characters, but a lot of them I don’t have plans for. I probably won't write fics for all of them but I’m definitely always willing to talk about it.
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah I am so sorry for taking so long to update. I’ve been dealing with some stressful things regarding my living situation and haven’t been able to find the time/energy to write lately. Things still aren’t settled with that but hopefully (if nothing else goes wrong) I will be able to write a bit more regularly from now on. 
> 
> Thank you for your patience and I hope you enjoy!

They wind up going to Ryuu’s house. Noya says it's because he wants a popsicle but really he just doesn't want to see his mom right now. She's still really worried about all of this, and Ryuu showing up with a black eye will just make her more upset.

Ryuu's house is empty when they get there.

“Saeko at work today?” he asks as they stop off in the kitchen to grab snacks.

“Yeah.” Ryuu says pulling some popsicles out of the freezer and tossing one to Noya. “She wants to move in with Masami but she wants to be able to pay half the rent if she does so she's been picking up any extra shifts mom and dad’ll give her.”

Ryuu grabs a popsicle for himself and an ice pack. He holds the ice pack over his eye with one hand and rips the popsicle wrapper open with his teeth.

“That'll be weird, her not living here anymore.” Noya says. Ryuu hums and nods in agreement.

Snacks and ice pack in hand they head up the stairs to Ryuu's room. It was originally meant to be an attic storage space so it's all the way at the top of the house and the ceiling is all slanty. It's small, but Noyas always liked it. Maybe more for the company than for the actual quality of the room though. 

They settle on Ryuu’s small bed together, both quiet while they eat their popsicles. 

He should say something, he thinks, they should talk about this and not just keep avoiding it and pretending nothing has changed. The words won't come out though. 

“What happened?” Ryuu asks. Noya’s not sure at first what he means but his confusion must show because Ryuu continues. “I know you said you didn’t want to talk about it… but the wondering is killing me.”

Oh, he’s referring to what happened at school, Noya realizes.

He’s still not sure he wants to talk about that. He chews on his popsicle stick absent mindedly while he considers. He’s not really sure why he doesn’t want to talk to Ryuu about it, probably something to do with how embarrassed he feels when he even thinks about it.

Ryuu looks worried though, so that ends up deciding things for Noya.

“Like I said,” he says wishing he sounded as unbothered as he was trying to pretend to be. “Just people being jerks. Someone threw my stuff out a window.”

“It’s fine though, Kageyama helped me find everything.” He finishes, feeling the embarrassment welling up inside him again. He wants this conversation to be over, he’s upset about what happened and he’s ashamed of himself for letting this get to him so much. It’s not a big deal, why does he feel like he’s about to start crying?

Ryuu doesn’t respond, causing Noya to look at him instead of the patch of floor he had been staring at. Ryuu is frowning and his eyes are watery. Noya doesn’t understand this reaction. It’s not what he was expecting and he can't figure it out.

“Why are they all so much more upset with you?” Ryuu says, and Noya understands. He can hear the same guilt in his voice as when Ryuu thought that it was his fault that Noya got his name.

It’s surprisingly easy to set his own self doubt and feelings aside at the realization that Ryuu is blaming himself for this.

“It’s just because I’m the one who got two names.” He says, trying to be reassuring. He holds his arms out, mark side up, to look at them. “People aren’t used to that.”

He meant that to be comforting to Ryuu but saying it out loud is weirdly comforting to himself as well. Feels kind of like admitting that it isn’t his fault either and it eases some of the hurt he’s been feeling. 

Ryuu’s fingers brush lightly over the mark on the arm closest to him, the one that says his name. It’s just a light brush of fingertips on his forearm, it should feel casual, but it feels very intimate in the moment.

“It’s weird finding out we’re soulmates” he says without thinking “I think I’ve wanted it for a long time... but it seemed impossible, so I didn’t let myself even think about it.”

Ryuu’s eyes have moved from the mark on his arm to his face. His hand stays where it is, over his name on Noya’s arm. He still looks upset but it’s different than before, less immediate, more tired.

“So you’re not disappointed?” He asks in a quiet voice, looking back down at his hand on Noya’s arm. 

“No.” Noya says, trying to make it firm and sure and reassuring all at once. He extracts his arm from Ryuu’s grip and Ryuu shrinks back a bit, as if taking Noya’s movement as some kind of rejection. Noya reaches for Ryuu’s hands and holds both of them with both of his. He can’t really envelope Ryuu’s hands the way Asahi does his but he hopes this is comforting anyway. 

“I’m not disappointed.” He says. “It’s not something I expected... at all, but… I am so so happy to be your soulmate.”

“I just hope you’re not disappointed with me.” He says voicing some of his own fears. 

“Never.” Ryuu says, in that voice that makes Noya believe him despite his own insecurities. Ryuu’s shifted their hands so that he can hold Noya’s as well and he runs his thumbs over the backs of Noya’s knuckles. 

“I love you.” 

It said so quietly, and Ryuu still isn’t looking at him, so Noya almost doesn’t hear it. 

They’d confessed to each other yesterday but at the time there had been so much more to the situation, so many big scary emotions, it’s like he never really got the chance to feel the full spectrum of positive emotions Ryuu’s words bring him now. It kind of feels like he’s hearing it for the first time. 

“I love you too.” He says. It makes his heart beat faster.

Ryuu looks at him and he still looks tired, the emotional intensity of the last few days has taken its toll on both of them, but he smiles at Noya anyway. The sight makes Noya’s heart swell with so much fond emotions he fears it might burst.

He slides his hands from Ryuu’s and places them on Ryuu’s cheeks, pulling him down for a kiss. 

It’s something he’s wanted to do for a long time, and even though it’s brief, just a gentle press of lips, it makes his heart race. 

When he pulls back from the kiss Ryuu just stares at him, obviously still not over his surprise. Ryuu’s whole face goes red with a blush and he looks away sheepishly when he realizes he’s staring. Noya’s worried this means he crossed some boundary or that Ryuu didn’t like the kiss but Ryuu takes one of Noya’s hands and holds it, which is reassuring. 

That was Ryuu’s first kiss Noya realizes, not having thought about it before. It makes him realize they should probably talk about what they’re each comfortable with at some point. He needs to remember that this relationship is different than his relationship with Asahi, and it’s much newer. 

“Sorry. I should have asked first.” Noya says.

Ryuu shakes his head ‘no’.

“It was fine. I just… I got a little overwhelmed.” Ryuu says his face still red, but he squeezes Noya’s hand reassuringly.

They’re both exhausted, so they end up deciding to watch a movie rather than try to play video games or work on their homework. Choosing the movie is easy, they like the same kinds of movies and they end up going with one they’ve both seen before and liked.

Deciding on seating arrangements is harder.

They start off sitting side by side on Ryuu’s bed, but it’s awkward. It feels stiff and uncomfortable. They both shift around a few times before settling into a position that is comfy for both of them. Ryuu’s got his back against the wall and is facing the tv and Noya is sitting between Ryuu’s legs with his back against Ryuu’s chest.

Ryuu’s arms find their way around Noya’s tummy at some point. His head rests against Noya’s shoulder and neck. Noya’s about to joke that Ryuu’s missing the movie like that but then he realizes that Ryuu is asleep.

There’s still so much they need to figure out, so much they will need to face. The prospect of it all is daunting. But for now, in this moment, he feels safe and warm and content. 

So he lets his own tired eyes close and is soon asleep as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh I hope you enjoyed. I tried to make it fluffy? I don’t know how well I did. Just a quick note because a few people have asked, yes Asahi and Tanaka will also eventually get together as well. There should be some more interaction between the two of them coming up (I don’t think next chapter but maybe the one after that? Maybe?). 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed and thank you all for sticking with me. <3<3<3


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments and the continued support! It makes me so happy. I hope you all continue to enjoy this fic. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Things at school get easier with time. There are still some classmates and even faculty that continue to hold on to their negative views of him and his relationships but for the most part, people get bored. They move on.

The continued support from both Asahi and Ryuu helps, as does the support he receives from the rest of the volleyball team and coaches as well. He thinks maybe it’s easier for some people who were unsure about it to accept it when they can see others doing so.

Things with Asahi and Ryuu don’t get any less complicated, but they are learning and adjusting. Despite their insistence that it’s fine, he can tell it makes them uncomfortable when he does too much PDA with the other while they’re all together, despite his best attempts to keep things even. So he tones down the PDA with both of them when they’re all together. 

It’s not ideal for him, he likes spending time with both of them together but when he does he finds himself a little more anxious and somewhat longing for things to be different. Different in what way, he can’t really figure out. 

But he understands their feelings, or at least he tries to, and “not ideal” is still really really good so he makes it work.

The remainder of the school year seems to pass quickly. It doesn’t seem like any time at all before the third years graduate. There’s a lot of crying involved with that, and inspiring speeches. 

Asahi isn’t insecure about not wanting to go to college, but he admits that it is hard to think about Suga, Daichi, and Kiyoko going to college without him. Especially Suga, since they’ve been going to school together since Asahi moved to town in third grade. 

Kazuo and Tohru open a shop in town. They ask Asahi to run it for them. Asahi is conflicted initially over the job offer. On the one hand he doesn’t like feeling like he’s being handed stuff he didn’t earn and he feels like he should find his own way. On the other hand it’d be a great job for him, providing him with the hours and pay he needs and in a field of work he enjoys. 

Noya’s never been very good with plants or animals, but Asahi seems to have a gift with both. Plants especially seem to make Asahi happy and when Noya asks about it Asahi shrugs.

“I don’t know, plants don’t care about the same things humans do I guess… so it’s nice. I like feeling like I’ve helped something to grow.”

Asahi ends up taking the job. Noya thinks it’s the right decision.

Ryuu is also busy with work this summer. His parent’s restaurant always gets way busier during summer, so they need everybody working as many hours as they can. Ryuu’s always looking to get some more spending money so he doesn’t mind, even though he does jokingly complain anyway.

With both of his boyfriends working full time that leaves Noya with more free time than he wants or needs. So he winds up looking for a part time job himself. He doesn’t really need the money, but he does want something to do and his dad thinks it’ll look good on his college applications so he’s all for it.

That part makes Noya feel anxious and uncomfortable. He’s been thinking about what he wants for his academic future ever since Asahi first told him he wasn’t going to go to college. He’d never really thought about it before. There had always been this assumption that after high school he’d go to college, he’d never considered other possibilities or even what he would go to college for.

He thinks maybe getting a job might help him figure that out. 

He winds up getting a job at the ice cream stand in the park. So maybe not so much. 

But it’s something to pass the time while Ryuu and Asahi are at work. He finds he enjoys it actually quite a lot, but he doesn’t think “part time ice cream stand guy” is something he wants to be forever.

For the most part in the summer he is able to forget about not quite being completely satisfied with the less PDA thing when they’re all together, because between all of their work schedules there is very rarely a time when they even can all hang out together. 

He likes their one on one times though. 

He goes on dates with both of them, settles more into this new dynamic. Dating Ryuu is very different from dating Asahi, Noya learns. Asahi never pushes or pressures Noya into anything, he goes out of his way to make sure that Noya doesn’t feel pressured into anything, and Noya is often the one who initiates new things between them. But despite sometimes coming across as meek there’s an underlying confidence and surety to Asahi when it comes to certain things.

Noya’s not sure if it’s the difference in age or in life experiences or just some often hidden aspect of Asahi’s personality but even when they try things that are new for both of them he always feels like the less experienced one. 

Ryuu on the other hand, is often overwhelmed by even small gestures of affection. He seems content to take things at such a slow pace that Noya finds it a bit frustrating at times. He’ll deal with whatever pace Ryuu is comfortable with, and it is kind of nice sometimes being the more experienced one, but Ryuu is also really attractive and it does make Noya want things to move faster.

Eventually the summer comes to an end, and the new school year starts.

He stops working at the ice cream stand, but he gets an invitation from the owner to do it again next summer if he wants. Ryuu cuts back on his hours at the restaurant so he’s only working once or twice a week. Asahi continues working at the shop.

In addition to classes and homework the new school year brings a new batch of first years to the school. This starts up the looks and whispers again somewhat, though not as bad as they were initially. It probably helps that he and Ryuu are third years now, and even the most disapproving first year isn’t bold enough to do much more than whisper about them.

The volleyball club gets some new members, and Ennoshita becomes captain. He’s a good captain really, but he doesn’t let Noya and Ryuu get away with anything so they complain about him anyway. 

They wind up sticking with a similar date schedule as what they had during the summer. Between school and practice and spending time with both Ryuu and Asahi individually he finds himself wishing for a bit more of that free time he had had an excess of this summer. 

But it’s ok, it’s manageable. Asahi and Ryuu have made considerable accommodations for him, he can do this for them even if they won't ask him to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kind of just a transitional chapter. This fic has always had two main parts in my head (separated by about 7-8 months) and while I am not wanting to write all of the in between parts I do feel there needs to be some sort of transition and that the information about what happens in the in between is important.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, comments/kudos/messages appreciated! <3<3<3


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> orry this update took so long, I was working on a writing challenge during november and I realized that if I kept trying to write edit and post everything as I wrote it I wouldn’t be able to meet my writing goals and it was leading to me posting some stuff that wasn’t properly edited and that I wasn’t very proud of. So i decided to stop editing and posting for the remainder of the month. Now the challenge is over (I was able to exceed my goal by 12% yay!) and I’m trying to get through the backlog of editing.
> 
> Hopefully I’ll be able to update more frequently going forward. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this story so far, and especially everyone who has left comments. They make me feel so happy.

Noya’s birthday is on a Monday this year. He’s pretty sure Mondays are the worst day for a birthday. And as if his birthday being on a Monday isn’t bad enough he isn’t going to be able to see Asahi at all. No matter how they had tried to rearrange things, between Asahi’s work schedule and Noya’s school, volleyball practice, and curfew there is just no way for them to see each other today.

He feels kind of silly for being this upset about it. He saw Asahi just yesterday, will see him again soon, and it’s not like he’s going to be alone on his birthday, Ryuu will pretty much be with him all day. But still… it feels like there's something missing when he thinks about spending this day without Asahi. 

It’s just a day, he tries to tell himself as he walks to meet Ryuu before school. Just because it’s his 18th birthday it shouldn’t really make this big of a difference. 

He doesn’t do a very good job convincing himself.

He gets to the spot he meets Ryuu early. He’s looking at his phone, rereading the birthday text he got from Asahi earlier, when a bouquet of flowers is shoved between his face and his phone. 

Blinking he looks up to see a blushing Ryuu holding the flowers out to him.

“Happy Birthday” Ryuu says still not quite looking at Noya.

Warmth blossoms in Noya’s chest and he pulls Ryuu down into a kiss, careful not to squish the flowers between them. When he pulls back from the kiss he still doesn’t let Ryuu go, keeping him close enough that Noya can feel his breath on his lips.

“Flowers? Dude... that’s /really/ gay.” Noya says with a chuckle.   
“You’re really gay.” Ryuu says with clearly feigned insult. Noya kisses him again.

“Yeah, I definitely am.” He says. 

If anything the blush on Ryuu’s face has gotten worse, but he’s meeting Noya’s gaze now. 

With how uninterested Ryuu sometimes seems with progressing the physical aspects of their relationship there have been times Noya’s insecurities have tried to take hold. Tried to convince him that maybe Ryuu doesn’t love him as much as he loves Ryuu, but it’s never too long before there’s another moment like this where he can see the love he feels reflected in the way Ryuu looks at him. 

It fills him with a happy excitement that feels like a balloon about to pop. And it soothes whatever hurt his insecurities have managed to cause him.

“Thank you.” He says, bumping their noses together gently. “I love you.”

Ryuu smiles, and it only makes Noya happier. 

“No prob. I love you too.”

Noya insists on taking the flowers home before they go to school so that they don’t get damaged in the bustle of the hallway or from lack of water. They wind up showing up to school late because of it, or maybe because Noya winds up stopping to kiss Ryuu a few more times then is probably necessary. Ryuu doesn’t seem to mind though.

\--

Noya’s the first one to get to the table he and the other third year volleyball players usually eat lunch at. He’s rereading the text from Asahi again, hoping if he reads it enough times it will help make him miss Asahi less. 

“Something wrong?” Ennoshita asks when he arrives. Noya hadn’t realized he had been frowning, but he supposes it’s too late to try to hide it now.

“Mm. Not going to get to see Asahi today because of scheduling conflicts and I guess I’m a little disappointed.” He says. He feels a twinge of anxiety afterwards, not sure what Ennoshita will think of that.

He doesn’t want anyone to think he’s not satisfied with Ryuu or that Ryuu isn’t enough for him or anything… it’s just that he loves both of them… and he really just wishes it was easier to spend time with them both. 

Because of school and volleyball and dates, he sees Ryuu a lot. Which is great. 

But he only sees Asahi on dates now, and scheduling those seems to be becoming increasingly difficult.

It doesn’t help that he can’t stay at Asahi’s past curfew, even on the weekends. 

Not that his parents let him spend the night at Ryuu’s either, after they had started dating they had implemented a no sleep-overs rule.

Which is pretty ridiculous in his opinion. Ryuu and him have been spending the night with each other since practically forever. And it’s not like they’re going to do anything anytime soon. And even IF they were, they’d probably do it at Ryuu’s house after school before his parents came home from the restaurant and well before Noya’s curfew anyway. 

Maybe it’s because they didn’t want to have different rules for Asahi then they did for Ryuu. That’s what the more charitable side of him thinks at least, trying to give his parents the benefit of the doubt.

“Mm I’m sorry to hear that.” Ennoshita responds, sounding sincere. His response quells some of the anxiety and insecurity roiling around in Noya’s insides. “Sucks when you can’t be with the people you care about on special days.”

The confirmation, however unintentional, from Ennoshita that it’s normal to be upset about something like this, that it’s not just another weird thing about him and his relationship, makes him feel better also. 

“Must be getting hard to schedule things, I heard he’s working full time now.” Ennoshita continues.

Noya lets out a frustrated sound. 

“I’m pretty sure it’s more then that most weeks.” He says. 

It feels good to talk about this. He’s kind of just been trying to keep it bottled up because he doesn’t want to complain to Asahi, because Asahi loves his job and if he’s busy it just means the store’s doing well and it’s not that Noya doesn’t want the store to do well. And it’s not like he can complain to Ryuu about it, that wouldn’t be fair.

“Mm, sounds tough.” Ennoshita sympathises.

“What does?” Ryuu asks, settling into the seat next to Noya. Noya hadn’t even noticed him come into the courtyard and jumps a bit at his sudden appearance.

“Asahi’s working a lot so it’s making it difficult for them to schedule things.” Ennoshita explains, not noticing the look Noya tries to use to communicate that he doesn’t want Ryuu to know about this.

“Oh...” Ryuu says, not really giving anything away about his reaction.

The others arrive and soon everyone’s caught up in talking about upcoming tournaments and players from other teams. Noya is distracted though. He feels uneasy, the nerves and insecurities that were soothed by Ennoshita’s understanding responses have come back with a vengeance now that Ryuu knows he was complaining about that.

He doesn’t want Ryuu to think he’s not enough. 

People still whisper about him sometimes, and he gets weird looks when he goes out with short sleeves on. He doesn’t let what people say get to him… he tries not to let what people say get to him. But he still can’t quite seem to shake the idea that he’s being too selfish.

He has so much, he shouldn’t want anything more.

“Hey,” Ryuu says, in a voice meant only for Noya to hear. He’s turned towards Noya and he bumps their shoulders together lightly when he speaks. “Why didn’t you tell me you were having trouble scheduling things with Asahi?”

Noya feels kind of sick, and he scrambles for some way to brush this off. 

Ryuu’s hand finds his under the table and he gives Noya’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

“Hey,” Ryuu says in the same quiet tone. “You look like you’re going to be sick.”

If Noya was feeling more himself, he’d make a joke about how unhelpful that comment was. But then again if he wasn’t being such a weirdo they wouldn’t be in this situation to begin with.

Ryuu looks around at the rest of the table, everyone else is still caught up in their conversation and no one seems to be paying any attention to their quiet conversation.

“Why don’t we get out of here?” Ryuu says.

He stands, and uses their joined hands to encourage Noya to follow him.

Noya lets himself get pulled along. There’s some comment about them sneaking off to go make out from one of the others at the table but neither of them bother to respond. 

Once they’ve reached a more secluded area near the stairs Ryuu stops, turning to give his attention back to Noya.

“Look whatever it is, you can tell me.” Ryuu says. There’s no one around but he still stands close and talks quietly. “We’ve been best friends for a lot longer then we’ve been boyfriends, I want you to still feel comfortable telling me things… If that’s possible.”

“I- I didn’t…I don’t-” Noya starts, stumbling over his words and correcting himself as he goes. “I don’t want to complain to you about that sort of thing.”

“I feel bad enough already for even wanting to complain, when you two are already doing so much to try and accommodate me... I’d feel even worse complaining to you.”

“Noya…” Ryuu looks worried. “We all agreed to this. It’s not something you made us do.”

“I know, but still… I…” Noya doesn’t know how to finish that sentence, can’t figure out how to put the tangled feelings and thoughts inside him into words.

Ryuu runs his thumb over the back of Noya’s hand in a soothing motion.

“Noya, this thing we have… it’s weird but… I really like it.” Ryuu says. “And not just the part where we’re dating.”

“I mean… that part is great-” Ryuu says smiling at him briefly. “But it's more than that. Things are still… weird… with Asahi and I mean it does make me feel kinda… jealous? I guess... sometimes… but i don’t know… i like that part too.”

Noya doesn’t understand.

“You… like feeling jealous?” Noya asks, voicing his confusion.

“No, no... that came out wrong...” Ryuu says. His brow furrows when he tries to think through what to say next. 

“I don’t like, feeling jealous… but I do...like? that you’re dating Asahi…?” He frowns at himself. “That still came out weird.”

“I guess... He makes you happy, dating both of us… makes you happy? And I like that it makes you happy, I like that he makes you happy.” Ryuu clarifies.

Noya still doesn’t understand, it still seems like Ryuu is just going along with this for his sake. He understands that people in relationships make accommodations for each other but he feels like asking Ryuu to listen to him talk about Asahi in addition to having to share Noya with him is… too much. 

“You still wouldn’t be doing this if it weren’t for me.” Noya mumbles.

“It’s true that I wouldn’t have gotten into a relationship like this if it weren’t for you, I probably wouldn’t have ever even known it was a possibility if Coach Ukai hadn’t said it was.” Ryuu says, and it seems like he’s confirming everything Noya was just thinking. 

“But that doesn’t mean it’s something I’m just putting up with. Things are weird, and they’re probably going to continue to be uncomfortable sometimes, but I like our relationship. Asahi included.” Ryuu’s voice is still quiet but there is a firmness behind it that makes Noya want to believe him even if he can’t really let go of his insecurities completely.

“So... you’re having trouble scheduling stuff with Asahi.” Ryuu states. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it. Asahi should be in the next chapter I am pretty sure, and there should be some more Asahi/Tanaka interaction in a few chapters (maybe in.. three or four more chapters? But don’t quote me on that). I’m thinking there’s maybe five to six chapters left? But I keep underestimating the number of chapters I want to include so we’ll see. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Kudos/comments/messages greatly appreciated.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> am terribly sorry this has taken so long to update, I’ve been very busy and I’ve also been prioritizing other projects because I was really nervous about this chapter. Hope it turned out ok.
> 
> I probably should have proofread/edited this more, but after taking so long to finish writing it I was very eager to post it so sorry in advance for any mistakes.

With Ryuu’s help, Noya is able to rework his schedule to be able to spend more time with Asahi. In order to make it work, Ryuu has to give up some of the weekend/evening time he normally spends with Noya. Noya is reluctant to do this at first, because he doesn’t want things to be unfair between his boyfriends, but Ryuu insists that it’s fine since he gets to spend way more time with Noya on weekdays then Asahi does. He even adds in that his parents have been nagging him to pick up more shifts now that Saeko got a second job and can't work as much. 

While he knows that part is true, he’s pretty sure Ryuu only brings it up to help him not feel as guilty about the new schedule. 

His life feels more balanced now. It’s nice. Better, than before. But there’s still some part of him that misses one boyfriend when he’s with the other. He supposes it can’t be helped though.

Noya is pulled from his musings by a cold hand slipping under his shirt to press against his chest.

“Asahi~” He mock complains. “Your hand is freezing.”

They’re on Asahi’s couch watching some movie; with Noya snuggled into Asahi’s lap, his back to Asahi’s chest. 

“Ah, sorry.” Asahi says. Noya can hear the blush in Asahi’s voice, but instead of moving his hand Asahi just adds another, placing his other equally cold hand against the sensitive skin of Noya’s tummy.

Asahi always has cold hands, Noya keeps expecting to get used to it at some point but it still surprises him every time. 

“Mm. You’re so warm.” Asahi says, tightening his arms around Noya and pulling him closer. He buries his face in the place where Noya’s neck connects with his shoulder. 

“You’re going to miss the movie.” Noya says. He doesn’t really care. He’s not that into the movie himself, and he keeps finding his mind wandering. 

They had only decided to watch this one because it was something Asahi happened to have and their original plans to go to the park had to be cancelled last minute because it had started raining. 

“Mm, now that would just be the worst.” Asahi says sarcastically. His lips move against Noya’s neck when he talks and it sends a shiver down Noya’s spine. He can feel Asahi’s smile against his neck. 

Noya can feel a blush burning across his cheeks. 

Something about the surety Asahi usually displays when they’ve fooled around has always reminded Noya of the way Asahi is when he’s fully invested into a volleyball game. He’d made the mistake of mentioning this to Asahi once though, which had resulted in Asahi turning into a blushing mess. 

Hand jobs the boy can handle, compliments not so much. 

Asahi places open mouthed kisses against Noya’s skin, making his way leisurely up Noya’s neck. Neck kisses, Noya had discovered, are a thing he likes very much. He can feel heat twisting and tangling through his abdomen and he shifts to try to relieve the growing pressure in his pants.

Asahi groans against Noya’s neck, his own hips shifting up against Noya’s. 

In addition to making him even more turned on, this reminds Noya that Asahi is into this too. It’s a calming reassurance, even if he feels silly for needing it.

He basks in the feeling of Asahi, warm and solid, behind him for a moment longer before getting to his feet. When Noya first turns to face him, Asahi looks concerned. The worry melts away when he sees the expression on Noya’s face though.

Noya straddles Asahi’s lap settling back onto his legs, this time facing Asahi. 

“You’re going to miss the movie” Asahi says with a smile, mirroring what Noya had said to him earlier.

“Oh now that would just be a tragedy.” Noya says in response, smiling as well. 

He grips the front of Asahi’s shirt to pull him closer, pressing their lips together. Asahi’s arm loops around Noya’s lower back, providing steady support, his other hand finds it’s way into the short hair on the back of Noya’s head.

Asahi’s lips are soft, and he kisses Noya back. 

Noya’s pretty sure he could drown in this feeling. He feels hot and turned on and happy and so in love. It feels hard to breathe past all of these feelings, or maybe he just forgets to breathe in between kisses. Whether through lack of oxygen or overabundance of emotion he’s getting dizzy.

The arm around his waist shifts and he can feel Asahi’s hand on the button of his jeans. 

“Can I?” Asahi asks, voice breathless and low.

Noya nods, not trusting his voice to not embarrass him.

Asahi smiles and kisses the corner of Noya’s lips affectionately. He makes quick work of the button and fly of Noya’s pants. He pulls the pants part of the way down Noya’s thighs.

No longer trapped by the more restrictive fabric of his pants Noya’s erection strains against his boxers. Asahi doesn’t leave him too much time to get self conscious though, his hands quickly finding their way into Noya’s underwear. One grips his hip, sending shivers down Noya’s spine, while the other pulls the underwear down to join his pants. 

Asahi’s hand on his dick causes Noya’s hips to rock forward, his body instinctively seeking out more. He whimpers, and that does embarrass him, but Asahi kisses the embarrassment away, peppering Noya’s face with quick affectionate kisses.

“I. love. you.” Asahi says fondly in between kisses. 

Noya smiles despite the blush on his face.

“I love you too.” He says. 

Asahi tries to kiss his lips. It doesn’t work very well because they’re both smiling too much. Which just gives them an excuse to try again. And again. 

Asahi’s hands are worn but thankfully not rough despite the kind of work he does. It takes him a bit to find a rhythm but his strokes are firm and he always pays attention to Noya’s reactions to learn what he likes. 

It’s an embarrassingly short amount of time before he’s turned Noya into little more than a mess of needy desire. Too breathless to keep kissing, Noya clings to Asahi’s shoulders, trying to gather himself enough to contribute more than just panting in Asahi’s ear.

Asahi takes this as an opportunity to kiss Noya’s neck again. He presses sloppy open mouthed kisses up and down Noya’s neck, pausing now and then to suck or nibble or lick on particularly sensitive parts.

Pleasure sends shudders throughout Noya’s whole body, his hips rock against Asahi’s hands, and he is no longer able to contain his gasps and groans and whines. 

“Fuck.” Asahi says, voice raspy with desire. “You’re so hot.”

The praise embarasses and arouses him, but he doesn’t know how to articulate that so he just whimpers in response. 

“Fuck Noya, I want to have sex with you so bad.” Asahi continues in between neck kisses, lips scraping against Noya’s neck as he speaks.

Noya groans, his hands tightening in Asahi’s shirt. They’ve never done that before. They’d tried a lot of things together in the time since they had started dating, but never that. They’d talked about it a bit a few times, but it had never felt right. Noya had never felt ready. Asahi had been very understanding, but Noya had made sure to tell him it was ok to keep asking. He knew himself well enough to know he wasn’t going to be able to initiate things even if he was ready.

“W-we could, if- if you want.” Noya says, not managing to make his voice sound as confident as he had been trying for.

Asahi’s hands still and he looks up from Noya’s neck to look him in the eyes. Noya feels embarrassed under Asahi’s stare, and if he wasn't already blushing he would be now. 

“Do you want to?” Asahi asks.

“Yeah.” Noya says nervously. 

“Really? Because it’s fine if you don’t want to. Just because I want to doesn’t mean we should or that you should push yourself to do something you’re not ready for-” Asahi is nervous too it seems.

“Asahi” Noya says, interrupting what was sure to be a long winded plea for Noya to not feel pressured into anything. He doesn’t feel pressured. Nothing's really changed between this time and the last time Asahi asked. But this time feels right. Noya feels ready. Nervous, embarrassed, but ready. So it is different. He can’t really explain why, but it is.

“I want to do this with you. If you want to do this with me.” Noya continues.

Asahi stares at him for a moment longer, before taking a deep breath.

“Okay.” He says, and Noya can see the nervousness on his face alongside the happiness. 

“Okay.” Asahi repeats. “We should… we should um maybe go to my bedroom?”

“Probably.” Noya says with a smile. Flustered Asahi is cute. 

He goes to kiss Asahi’s nose, but is surprised by Asahi lifting him as he stands and winds up kissing Asahi’s cheek instead. Asahi holds Noya up with an arm under his legs and a hand against his back to steady him. Noya tightens his arms around Asahi’s neck, and wraps his legs around Asahi’s waist. 

Asahi carries Noya the short distance from the couch to his bedroom. Noya tries not to be embarrassed by being turned on by the ease with which his boyfriend carries him.

Once in the bedroom Asahi sets Noya down on the bed, but then standing next to him at the foot of the bed he seems unsure of what to do next. This is uncharted territory for both of them and it seems the mood has been somewhat lost to nerves and conversation.

Noya steels his nerves and tugs on the hem of Asahi’s shirt. He’s too embarrassed to ask, but it seems Asahi understands anyway and removes the shirt. 

The muscled expanse of Asahi’s torso bared before him, Noya finds it easier to set aside his nerves in favor of placing kisses on the hills and valleys Asahi’s muscles form. Asahi’s hand makes it’s way into Noya’s hair, and he takes a sharp shuddery breath when Noya nips at his hip. 

The hand in his hair tugs gently, prompting Noya to look up. Asahi bends to kiss him, lips meeting Noya’s. 

“Can I?” He asks, tugging on the hem of Noya’s shirt. Noya nods, and Asahi pulls the shirt up and off. Tossing it somewhere behind him to join his on the floor.

Both shirtless now, Asahi goes back to kissing him. But with Noya seated on the bed and Asahi standing next to it, it’s awkward positioning. So Noya scoots back further on the bed, shimmying out of his pants and underwear as he goes and kicking them off the bed. 

Asahi follows him onto the bed, a knee between Noya’s thighs and resting on one arm while the other hand explores Noya’s hips and thighs. Asahi kisses along Noya’s torso, the sensitive skin of his tummy and chest jumping and shivering at every touch. 

It had been an impulse decision to remove his pants and underwear when he did, and now the nervousness of being naked in front of Asahi is catching up to Noya. 

They’ve been naked around each other plenty of times in locker rooms, but that’s very different. And when they’ve fooled around in the past, they haven’t usually taken off all of their clothes, just bits and pieces depending on what they were doing exactly. 

Some part of his nervousness must show because Asahi pauses his kissing and looks at Noya seriously. 

“You ok?” He asks, “We can stop if you want to.”

Noya shakes his head. 

“No, no I want to do this.” He says, sure of that at least.

“ ‘m just embarrassed i guess.” He admits. 

“You have nothing to be embarrassed about.” Asahi says, running a hand from Noya’s neck down to his hip, eyes following. It makes Noya feel even more exposed. “You’re very attractive.”

The praise feels good even if he doesn’t really believe it. It’s not that he thinks he’s ugly or anything… it’s just he’s never thought of himself as particularly attractive either. Maybe because the guys he is attracted to look so very different then he does. 

He supposes being comfortable being naked with each other is something that will get easier with practice. It’d probably help if he wasn't the only one naked too. 

He bites his lip and tugs on the waistband of Asahi’s pants, and Asahi luckily gets the hint. He stands and quickly removes his own pants and underwear before coming back to the bed. He lays on his side next to Noya this time, instead of over him. 

Asahi was already blushing before but there’s something more self conscious and vulnerable about his expression now. Noya turns on his side facing Asahi and kisses the tip of his nose.

“You’re very attractive.” He says, mirroring what Asahi had told him. 

Asahi’s blush deepens and he covers his face with a hand.

“Ok, so not as helpful as I had hoped.” He says, with a chuckle. 

Noya smiles too, the tension easing. 

“It’s true though.” He says, peppering Asahi’s face with kisses as best he can past the smile he can't make go away. “You’re super hot.”

Asahi smiles under Noya’s kissing assault. He wraps his arm around Noya’s waist and pulls him closer, launching a counterattack by placing kisses all over Noya’s neck and face. 

It's not long before they’re a mess of tangled limbs, giggles, and kisses. This isn't how Noya expected things to go, but it feels right and good. He’s not nervous anymore, just happy and in love. 

Eventually the kisses get longer and deeper, and the giggles are replaced with other happy noises. Noya’s head feels like it’s swimming with desire again, and he knows if they don’t get things started soon things will be over before they’ve had a chance to get to the main event.

“A-Asahi, do you.. Um do you have?” Noya manages to get out between kisses. He can't think clearly enough to think of the word for it, but it’s enough for Asahi to figure out what he means. 

“Oh. Um. Yeah.” Asahi says, sitting up. “Its um, here just a second.” 

He leans over Noya to get into the drawer of his bedside table and pull out a bag. He sets the bag on the bed between them, pulling out a bottle of lube and several condoms. 

“I um, since we’d been talking about maybe doing this sometime I figured I should get some… supplies.. But I didn’t really know what to get? So I looked it up online and these were recommended so…” Asahi says nervously. 

Noya sits up too and pulls Asahi down for a kiss before looking over the items. It’s not like he knows about what brands of lube and condoms are best either, but he’s impressed that Asahi had researched and planned ahead. 

“I’m sure they’ll be fine.” He says. Though getting to this point does bring up another question he hadn’t thought to think about in advanced. “Um, wh-who is going to... um?”

Asahi blushes.

“Um. I.. I think I’d be fine with either.. position.” Asahi says. 

Noya considers for a moment, there is definitely some appeal to the thought of being the one who tops. It’s something he thinks he wants to try someday, but today…

“Will you, will you um… take care of me?” Noya says without thinking it through first. He mentally smacks himself over the phrasing, sounding like it's straight out of some bad manga.

Asahi smiles at him fondly though, and kisses his cheek. 

“Okay.” He says. He chooses one of the condoms and the lube and puts the rest back in the drawer. He kisses Noya again, leaning into the kiss and encouraging Noya to lay back down. 

Asahi’s hand is shakey when it comes to rest against Noya’s hip. Noya’s relieved he’s not the only one who is nervous. They kiss for a bit, and Noya’s starting to forget his nerves when he hears Asahi grab the lube.

Asahi tries to keep kissing him while he opens it, but finds he needs to look at the bottle to remove the packaging. His hands shake slightly when he does finally get it open, and he winds up spilling a little on the bed. 

Noya laughs. And it’s like the nervous tension building up inside of him is a bubble that has popped. 

Asahi looks embarrassed but Noya pulls him down into a kiss and kisses the worry away. 

“I love you.” He says, voice brimming with affection. Asahi smiles back at him.

“I love you too.” He says. He kisses Noya. Eventually he manages to pull away from kissing long enough to get some lube on his fingers.

“Um..” Asahi begins “do, do you have a preference for... positioning?” 

“Um.. I want to be able to kiss you?” He says.

“Okay.” Asahi says. He thinks for a moment then grabs one of the pillows from the head of the bed. 

He encourages Noya to lift his hips, then slides the pillow underneath. A hand on his thigh encourages him to spread his legs more, which he does. Asahi is kneeling in between Noya’s legs, one hand lingering on his thigh and the other ready with the lube. He feels very aware of how exposed he is in this position and he considers asking Asahi if they can try something else.

But then he notices the expression on Asahi’s face. There’s nerves and excitement there, but those are overshadowed by the intensity of his desire. To have attention like that focused on him makes Noya’s head spin with want. 

He bites his lip, he wants to try something, but he is nervous. He tries it anyway.

“Asahi” He says voice coming out more needy than intended. “Please.”

He shifts his hips on the pillow for added effect, face burning with embarrassment and desire.

He can actually see Asahi’s cock twitch in response. Asahi lets out a groan and leans down, placing sloppy kisses on Noya’s hips and thighs. 

“Fuck” Asahi says in between kisses, voice raspy. “You are so attractive.”

He continues to lavish attention on to Noya’s hips and thighs with his mouth while his lubed fingers find their way to Noya’s hole. 

The first finger goes in without too much difficulty. It feels weird, really weird. But it’s not exactly uncomfortable. The second finger causes a bit more difficulty. Noya’s muscles tense reflexively when Asahi starts to try to put it in. He tries to relax but he’s too nervous. 

Asahi licks up the entire length of Noya’s dick, sending pleasure like electricity through Noya’s whole system and distracting him enough to relax enough for Asahi to get the second finger all the way in. 

Asahi’s hand stills and he focuses his attention on kissing and licking Noya, giving his body some time to adjust and plenty to be distracted by in the meantime. 

“You ok?” Asahi asks. 

Noya thinks about it, the fingers inside him definitely feel uncomfortable, but nothing is painful, so he nods. 

Asahi begins to move his hand, slowly pulling out a bit and pushing back in, trying different angles. He spreads his fingers, stretching Noya. It all feels very weird, and despite the continued attention from Asahi’s mouth, Noya’s nervousness is growing.

But then Asahi’s fingers brush against something inside him, causing a new sort of pleasure to pull a gasp from him. Asahi smiles against the portion of inner thigh he was kissing and presses his fingers against the spot again. 

With Asahi’s fingers sliding in and out of him with more speed and surety then before, and his mouth attending to Noya’s dick it doesn’t take long for Noya to become a breathless, hips twitching mess of need. His hips can’t seem to decide if they want to push down against Asahi’s fingers or up against his mouth. 

“Ah- Asahi…” Noya says, trying to get a coherent thought out past the haze of desire. “I-... Please..” 

Asahi looks concerned and his hand stills.

“Please what?” He asks, “Do you want to stop?”

“N-no.” Noya manages, hips shifting needily on the pillow. “Please… please fuck me.”

His cheeks burn, he hadn’t meant to say it like that exactly. But he’s never been this turned on in his life and he wants Asahi’s dick inside him so bad. 

Asahi blinks at him, processing what was said. He ducks his head slightly when he’s figured it out but Noya can still see the blush on his ears. 

“I… uhm… are you sure you’re ready?” Asahi asks nervously.

“Yes.” Noya says, hips trying to press further against Asahi’s hand. 

“Ok.” Asahi says. He pulls his hand away and sits back on his knees. Noya whines at the loss of contact. Asahi finds the condom he had set aside. It takes him a few tries to open it, because his hands are shaking again. Once he gets it open, he flips it over a few times looking at it to make sure he’s putting it on the right way. 

Condom on, he thoroughly coats himself with lube. Then he repositions himself closer Noya’s hips. He rests one hand on the bed beside Noya and uses the other to line himself up with Noya’s entrance. He bites his lip and looks down at Noya. 

“I- I’m probably not going to last very long.” He admits nervously. 

Noya can’t find the words to say it's ok, but pulls Asahi down into a kiss and hopes he gets it anyway. Asahi kisses him back, slowly and lovingly. His hips press forward slowly, and he pushes inside. His spare hand holds onto Noya’s hip. Like when he added a second finger, the stretch is weird and not exactly comfortable. But with Asahi’s lips on his, Noya finds it easier to relax this time. 

Once fully seated Asahi stops, giving them both time to try to adjust to the new sensations. 

“You okay?” Asahi asks, voice raspy and lips brushing Noya’s ear when he speaks.

Noya presses his hips against Asahi’s in response, causing Asahi’s hips to jerk against his involuntarily and eliciting a groan. 

“Fuck.” Asahi says. 

He pulls out slightly before pressing back in again. He repeats the same movement again, this time at a slightly different angle, searching for that spot. It takes him a few more tries, but eventually he finds it. Sending a shiver of desire and pleasure through Noya’s whole body and a moan on his lips. 

Asahi pushes in again, angling for the same spot. It takes him a bit to set up a rhythm and he doesn’t hit it every time. But it still feels amazing. In this positioning Asahi’s abdomen rubs against Noya’s aching cock as he thrusts. It’s not enough pressure or friction to get him off, but it adds to the mounting pleasure and pressure inside him. 

“Fuck. This feels so good.” Asahi says breathlessly in between increasingly sloppy kisses. “You feel so good.”

“ ‘ve wanted this for so long.” Asahi continues.

Noya’s not sure if Asahi is expecting a response, not sure if he is even capable of doing anything besides clinging to Asahi’s shoulders and whining and moaning. But he wants to try anyway.

“Ah, Asahi…” he manages. Asahi groans against the spot on Noya’s neck he had been kissing, his hips picking up speed. Pleasure building, Noya doesn’t think he’s going to be able to get the rest of that sentence out.

“I love the way it sounds when you say my name like that.” Asahi admits. He’s not even trying to kiss Noya’s neck anymore just resting his head by Noya’s and panting as he thrusts into him, going faster, pushing in deeper. Between the onslaught of physical sensations and the praise, Noya’s not sure how much longer he can last.

“God, fuck. I’m so close Noya.” Asahi says. 

Noya can’t hold it back anymore, his orgasm tears through him. Asahi’s hips thrust wildly against him as Asahi’s orgasm follows his by mere moments. Feeling breathless and weak from the intensity of it all they stay there still for a few moments to try to catch their breath. 

Eventually Asahi sits back and gingerly pulls out. He pulls off the condom, and tosses it into the small trash bin under the bedside table. He then collapses onto the bed near Noya’s side. Noya turns on his side to face him. Asahi drapes one arm over Noya’s waist and pulls him close.

“That was amazing.” Asahi says. “Thank you.. For doing that with me.”

“Thank you for doing that with me.” Noya responds, finding his voice. “I… I really enjoyed it.”

Asahi smiles warmly at him and kisses the tip of his nose.

“I love you.” He says.

“I love you too” Noya responds, capturing Asahi’s lips in kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah so this is my first time ever posting content of this kind and I’m not really satisfied but if I spend any more time trying to get this to be what I want it to be it’d never get posted and i’d never get to post the rest of the story so, I hope it wasn't too terrible and that it didn’t put too many people off finishing this fic. 
> 
> I definitely feel like I need more practice though, so idk. Maybe I’ll try to write some oneshots or something before the next time a scene like this comes up in one of my major fics… idk
> 
> Comments greatly appreciated.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m really sorry this has taken so long, there are a lot of reasons why (which I'm not even going to try to get into here) but I’m still sorry. I know how frustrating it can be waiting on a fic to update. Hope everyone is doing well and that you enjoy!

Noya and Ryuu are walking side by side, headed home after volleyball practice. They have plans to hang out and do homework together for a few hours at Noya’s place. And he’s trying to pay attention to what Ryuu is saying, he really is, but his mind keeps wandering back to the weekend. Thinking about what happened over the weekend leaves him stuck with a stupid smile on his face that he can’t seem to make go away. 

“Oh my god dude, will you just tell me what happened already?” Ryuu asks, bumping into Noya gently as they walk to get his attention. 

“I- uh. What?” Noya stumbles over a response. He has no idea what Ryuu is asking him about, having completely lost the thread of the conversation.

“What happened? And don’t try to give me no ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’ nonsense.” Ryuu says, including a terribly overacted impression of what Noya assumes is supposed to be him. “You keep spacing off and smiling over nothing. It’d be creepy if it weren’t so cute.”

Noya’s ears burn from his blush. 

“I… um…” Noya says trying to stall for some time to figure out what to say. “I uh, I just had a really great date with Asahi this weekend.”

That’s true but nonspecific enough that he thinks it's ok. Hopefully Ryuu will be content to leave it at that.

“Ah cool cool.” Ryuu says, smiling at him and making Noya’s heart skip a beat. “I’m glad.”

Noya only just manages to not breathe a sigh of relief that that seems to have satisfied Ryuu’s curiosity. They walk along in comfortable silence for a little while.

“What did you guys do?” Ryuu asks. The question is said casually, but when he looks Ryuu’s watching him. 

Noya’s been working on being more open with Ryuu and Asahi, but this is still uncharted territory. He doesn’t know how to respond.

“Come on man, we’re friends first remember?” Ryuu says, and then jokingly he adds on, “Besides whatever he did made you really happy, I gotta take notes.”

“I… I don’t know Ryuu.” Noya says. “I feel like it’ll be weird. And it’ll make you uncomfortable.”

“It’ll be fine babe.” Ryuu says, and Noya would complain that Ryuu’s just using the pet name to get his way, except Ryuu doesn’t know how much Noya loves it. “I promise. Whatever it is I can take it.”

Between the smile and the puffed up chest and calling him babe, Noya gives in with a grumble of defeat.

“We- we had sex.” He says. He knows he says it too quietly and he can’t make himself look at Ryuu when he says it.

“What?” Asks Ryuu in confusion, not having heard him.

He turns to look at Ryuu and is surprised to find his face as close as it is, Ryuu having leaned toward him to try to hear better.

“Um… we. we had sex?” Noya says. He’s not really sure why it comes out as question. 

Ryuu’s eyes widen a bit in surprise, and he does back out of Noya’s personal space a bit, but he doesn’t seem upset like some part of Noya had feared he would be.

“Oh. Cool.” Ryuu says. It’s a lukewarm response by Ryuu’s standards, but it’s still a positive one. He supposes he should be satisfied with that, but some part of him feels unfulfilled. If they were still just friends this probably would have been a much longer conversation. He probably wouldn’t have waited as long as he did to tell him too. But they’re not just friends, they’re dating, and everything is more complicated now.

“So…” Ryuu says, and Noya expects him to change the subject. “It was good though?”

Noya’s not sure if he should be happy or nervous that Ryuu wants to talk about it more. His brain seems to decide on a confusing mix of both. 

“I.. um. Yeah” He says. He really doesn’t know how to navigate this. He really wants to talk to Ryuu about this, but he also really doesn’t want to make Ryuu uncomfortable. “We really don’t have to talk about it. I don’t want to make you like.. jealous or anything.”

He’s had a lot of first times with Asahi, and he’s never really felt comfortable asking Ryuu how he feels about that. Now he’s wondering if he should have. Though he supposes they did all agree that both relationships should be allowed to progress at their own pace.

“Nah, it’s cool.” Ryuu says reassuringly. “I am a bit jealous that I’m now the only virgin in the relationship but it’s fine really. I like it when you tell me this sort of stuff.”

“Ryuu, was that a proposition?” Noya asks jokingly. 

Ryuu blushes, apparently not having thought of the implications of his words.

“You sure it’d be ok?” Noya asks more seriously. He wants to believe Ryuu but he still feels a little unsure.

“Positive.” Ryuu says decisively.

Noya bites his lip and debates a moment longer before making up his mind.

“It was so great Ryuu.” He says. He can feel the blush on his face deepening but it feels so good to be able to talk about it. “He’s so hot. And he was like, super sweet and nervous.”

“He’d fooled around a bit with Suga and Daichi and some of their other friends before we started dating y’know,” he doesn’t actually know if Ryuu knows that, it had come up at Asahi and Daichi’s birthday party last year but Ryuu hadn’t been there, “but that was like mostly kissing and stuff… this was his first time also-”

It seems like now that he’s started he can’t stop. What had happened this weekend seems like such a big thing to him, and it feels so natural to talk to Ryuu about it.

“-and. Ryuu. He can pick me up and just like. Carry me around like it’s no big deal. I didn’t even know that was something a person could be into, but like… Ryuu I am. I’m so into it.” 

Ryuu’s fallen a few steps behind him and Noya turns to find out why he stopped. When he looks at Ryuu he can’t really identify the expression on his face, but it doesn’t seem good. 

Oh no. He’d said too much. He shouldn’t have done this, this was a bad idea. He had known it was a bad idea.

Ryuu seems to pull himself from whatever thoughts he is having and he blinks at Noya, noticing the rising panic on Noya’s face.

“Ah I’m sorry. It’s- it’s not you.” He says. “I.. um. I just remembered I told Saeko I could cover her shift at the restaurant today.”

“Sorry I know the timing is shitty. I just. Completely forgot.” Ryuu says, not giving Noya any time to respond. He glances at the time on his phone and frowns again.

“I’m sorry. I gotta go.” He goes to kiss Noya goodbye, as has become their habit, but it’s rushed. A brief peck, not quite placed all the way on Noya’s lips, and he’s gone. Sprinting off down the street in the direction of the restaurant.

“Um. Have a good shift!” Noya calls to Ryuu’s retreating form. 

He takes a deep breath, and starts again towards his house. This time alone.

Saeko has been needing a lot of shifts covered lately, she’s been trying to transition more to her other job because it has more opportunity for her future. He reminds himself. And Ryuu forgetting about a shift is not unheard of. He’s pretty responsible when it comes to working at his parent’s restaurant but he’s not always the best at remembering last minute schedule changes.

It was unfortunate timing, but these things happen, he reasons with himself.

Still, something about the look on Ryuu’s face makes him worry there is something more to this. 

When he gets home he tries for a while with his homework.

He doesn’t get through much and he keeps finding himself staring at the cookies his mom had made for Ryuu and him. He can’t stop thinking about the conversation they had had. 

He’s read the same question three times now. He still doesn’t know what it says. He checks the time on his phone. Ryuu will be having his meal break soon. 

He makes a decision and packs up the cookies and some drinks into a bag. 

He walks to the Tanaka’s restaurant.

On his way, he rehearses in his head what he’ll say.

“My mom wanted me to share the cookies.”

“Thought you might be tired of restaurant leftovers.”

“I missed you.”

“I was worried.”

He still hasn’t decided what he will say when he reaches the corner across the street from the Tanaka’s restaurant. He pauses, and tries to gather his thoughts while he waits for the traffic to clear so he can cross. 

Across the street, through the restaurant’s large windows he can see that they’re busy tonight.

It’s a pretty small place, but it looks like most of the tables are full. And he can see the servers weaving between tables, carrying trays of food and drinks.

He sees Saeko too. Laughing with a regular customer as she pours him another drink.

It doesn’t even feel like a surprise. He had felt like something had been off. He hadn’t wanted to believe that Ryuu would lie to him but some part of him had known. 

He turns and starts walking back, in the direction of Ryuu’s house. He tries to just walk, but he finds himself running anyway. 

He had known it was a bad idea to talk that much about that with Ryuu. He had known. Why did he do it? What if he had really messed things up? Why hadn’t Ryuu just been honest with him?

Standing, out of breath in front of Ryuu’s front door he hesitates. 

What if he’s not here? What if he is angry with him? What if it’s better for him to just let him have some space? What if he had said something that had made Ryuu not want to see him again?

He knocks on the door. There is no response. He knows that Ryuu can’t hear the door from his room though. He’s got his key in the lock already before he hesitates again. Is this too much? What if Ryuu thinks this is creepy? He’s let himself in before, Ryuu’s said he can do it whenever, but it feels different this time.

He unlocks the door anyway. 

Inside he kicks off his shoes, not caring where they wind up, not caring that Ryuu’s mom will be annoyed. He heads straight for the stairs.

He pauses again, on the tiny little landing at the top of the stairs, hand already on the door knob. He waits, and listens, tense and unsure of himself. He closes his eyes and tries to get a better idea of what exactly he wants to do right now. He takes his hand off of the doorknob and looks back down the stairs.

Then he takes a deep breath and knocks on Ryuu’s door.

“I already said I didn’t want to talk about it Saeko.” Ryuu says from somewhere behind the door. He sounds unhappy.

“It’s, it’s not Saeko.” He says, it doesn’t feel adequate but he doesn’t know what else to say. 

There’s a thump from the other side of the door followed by a pained string of curse words. Before he can reach for the door handle to make sure Ryuu is ok, the door is pulled open and Ryuu is staring at him with wide surprised eyes.

“Noya..” He says.

“Why did you lie to me?” Noya asks. He probably should have been more tactful, probably should have started with something else. But he’s upset and hurt and he wants to know why.

“I’m sorry.” Ryuu says, sounding sincere. “I’m so sorry. I. I shouldn’t have done that.”

He waits for Ryuu to say more, but he doesn’t.

“Why’d you do it?” He asks again. 

“I’m so sorry Noya. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m- I’m really sorry. Please. Can we just leave it at that?”

He should say yes. He should just accept Ryuu’s apology and move on. He had known talking to Ryuu about it that much was a bad idea when he had done it. But it had felt so good to talk so freely with Ryuu again. It had felt so good to not feel like there’s this huge divider through the middle of his life separating out the “stuff with Asahi” and the “stuff with Ryuu”. It would have been better if he didn’t know how nice it could be if that wasn’t there.

“Why’d you lie to me Ryuu?” He asks, and it’s like he can’t stop himself from talking. Little anxieties that have been building up inside him now all clamoring for an opportunity to be heard. 

“I knew it was a bad idea to talk so much about that, I shouldn’t have and I’m sorry about that. But why didn’t you just tell me I was making you uncomfortable? I would have stopped. I knew it’d make you jealous so why didn’t you just-”

“Because I wasn’t jealous.” Ryuu interrupts him. All Noya can do is blink at him in confusion. “I- I wasn’t jealous.”

“Then why?” Noya asks, hating the pleading tone his voice has taken on.

“Be-because I wasn’t jealous.” Ryuu says again.He looks like he wants to be anywhere else but here, having this conversation. Noya kind of feels the same.

“I don’t understand.” He can feel the intensity of his own emotions draining out of him, leaving exhaustion in their wake. The hurt stays though.

Ryuu opens the door wider and steps to the side, he doesn’t say anything, but Noya gets the hint and steps past him into the room. He takes a seat on the bed, he leaves plenty of room for Ryuu to sit also without having to sit too close but Ryuu makes no move to sit. He shuts his bedroom door and continues to stand.

Ryuu’s got his arms wrapped around himself, and his eyes are red like he’s been crying, Noya notices. He looks miserable.

He’d been so focused on his own hurt he hadn’t noticed Ryuu’s.

“Please Ryuu.” He says. “Talk to me. I want to understand.”

Ryuu grimaces and rubs his eyes, though no tears escape Noya can tell that they almost do.

“I’m- I’m trying.” Ryuu says. “I… I don’t know how to talk about it.”

Noya bites his lip and tries to think of some way to help.

“So, you weren’t jealous?” He asks, hoping that if he can come up with some more specific questions it might help Ryuu get started.

“I wasn’t.” Ryuu says. He’s standing still, but Noya can see his nervousness in the tension in his legs and the way he keeps clenching and unclenching his hands over and over.

“And that’s bad?” Noya asks. That sounds like a good thing to Noya, but Ryuu is clearly very upset so there’s obviously something that Noya’s not understanding.

Ryuu makes a frustrated noise, but Noya’s pretty sure he’s frustrated with himself not him. 

“I… it wasn’t just that I wasn’t jealous.” Ryuu says. “I… um... fuck.”

Noya tries to be patient while Ryuu seems to try to work out what he wants to say. 

“I was turned on.” 

Noya expects there to be more, because that can’t really be all of it right?

“You got turned on by hearing about me and Asahi having sex?” He asks, but he doesn’t need the confirmation. Ryuu is blushing and looks so incredibly uncomfortable. “And that’s bad, somehow?”

“Ryuu I’ve jerked off to thinking about you and Asahi together.” Noya says. “We’re hormonal teenagers, I don’t think it’s a big deal if you got turned on. It doesn’t even necessarily mean anything. Bodies are weird, sometimes they have weird reactions to things, and it’s not even that weird of a reaction.”

Ryuu makes a noise of embarrassment and if anything his blush gets worse. He covers his face with his hands but Noya can still see it on his ears and neck. Ryuu has never been shy exactly when it comes to talking about sex, and Noya really doesn’t understand this reaction.

“I’ve.. I’ve never felt like that about a real situation before.” Ryuu mumbles from behind his hands. Noya almost doesn’t catch what he says, but when he does, it just leaves him more confused.

“What do you mean?” He asks. From the noise Ryuu makes he can tell that it’s too broad of a question, but he can’t think of how to narrow it. He feels out of his depth.

He watches as Ryuu takes several deliberate breaths, obviously trying to calm himself. Eventually he moves his hands from his face. His arms wrap around himself again, fingers clutching at the sides of his shirt giving away how anxious he is still. But at least Noya can see his face now, even if he won't look at Noya.

“I… I’ve never felt that way about.. real people… people I actually know, before.” Ryuu says. Noya still doesn’t understand, but he tries to let Ryuu talk through the confusion he also seems to be feeling.

“Like, I thought that was just people exaggerating.” Ryuu says. “I didn’t… I didn’t know that you could actually feel that way about… real people and situations.”

“I’ve looked at porn, and I’ve felt… that way... about porn but like… not ever people I actually will ever know or meet.” Ryuu says. “I… I thought everybody was like that. I thought porn was just... better.”

“And like… when we’d fool around and stuff…” Ryuu looks like he’s about to start crying again. “Like… it feels good… but.”

“But i’m never into it like that. It just feels good because we’re touching... stuff… not because I’m like… turned on by the idea of doing stuff..”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Ryuu continues, and he is crying now. He makes no move to hide it, just clutches at his sides harder. “I- I thought that was normal. I’m so sorry.”

Noya stands and crosses the room. He reaches up to cup Ryuu’s face, gently turning his head so Ryuu is facing him. Ryuu’s closes his eyes, maybe feeling too vulnerable for eye contact. He brushes away the tears from Ryuu’s cheeks with his thumb.

“Please.” Ryuu pleads, eyes still closed, voice shaky. “Please don’t hate me.”

“I don’t hate you.” Noya replies immediately, trying to put as much feeling as he can into his words. Needing Ryuu to believe him. “I don’t hate you. I love you.”

“I love you, so so much.” He says resting his forehead against Ryuu’s.

Ryuu takes a deep shuddering breath, and his arms untangle so he can hold on to Noya’s arms instead, fingers brushing over the names there.

“I’m.. I’m sorry I lied to you.” Ryuu says. 

“It’s okay.” Noya says. It’s not like Ryuu lied to him for no reason. He was under a lot of emotional stress, Noya understands.

“It’s not. I shouldn’t have done it.” Ryuu says. “I- I was just so scared.”

“I am so scared.” Ryuu says, correcting himself. “I.. I feel like I’m broken... I’m so sorry Noya. You deserve better.. But i’m so selfish and, i don’t want you to leave me. I…”

“Fuck. I love you so much.” Ryuu says voice breaking under the weight of the emotions it’s carrying.

“And I love you. So much.” Noya says. “I’m… I’m not going to leave you. You-”

He has to stop for a moment before he can manage to speak past the emotions that feel as if they are blocking his throat. 

“You are amazing. You’re a wonderful boyfriend and… and you’re the best friend I have ever had.” He says. 

“I.. I don’t really understand all this. But I don’t… I don’t think you’re broken.” He says. “And even if you are… we’ll get through it together. Because you’re my amazing boyfriend, and I love you and I’m gonna continue to love and support you through whatever this means.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it, the original scene. The whole reason I started writing this fic more than a year ago was to get to this scene. I still have a lot planned for this fic, it’s become a lot more than I originally intended, but yeah I’ve never written anything even close to this length before, and though this fic has been largely really self indulgent I have been so blown away by all the positive responses. They mean more to me than I can properly explain. 
> 
> So thank you all so very much. I hope you have enjoyed this fic thus far, and I hope you continue to enjoy it


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;A; im a horrible sorry for the delays. Hope y’all still enjoy.   
> Past chapters have been updated, but not substantially. While working on this chapter i had to do a lot of rereading, so updates are just fixing spelling/grammar and other mistakes i happened to catch while rereading.

Noya’s not even sure what movie they put on. Some kids animation. It’s got to be at least half way through by now but he has no idea what the plot is. He’s been too distracted. 

Ryuu’s head is a comfortable weight on his chest. The steady rise and fall of his breathing comforting and familiar. He’s eating one of the cookies Noya had brought, and appears engrossed in the movie. He looks as exhausted as Noya feels. 

Noya rubs Ryuu’s back absentmindedly with one hand, and with the other he pulls up his text messaging conversation with his mom.

[To: Mom  
I might spend the night at Ryuu’s tonight. At least I’m probably going to be late on my curfew.]

That’s going to make her worried he realizes a second after he sends it, so he quickly types up and sends a second message.

[To: Mom  
Ryuu and the Tanaka’s are fine. He just had a really rough day today. I don’t want him to be alone right now and I don’t think he’s ready to talk to his parents or sister about it yet. I promise we won’t stay up too late and we’ll get to school on time.]

He’s technically an adult now, but he still doesn’t feel comfortable just telling his parents that he’s not going to follow their rules. He’s not going home tonight, not unless Ryuu kicks him out. This is too important, so he isn’t asking for permission. But still he feels guilty. He chews on his lip while he thinks, and then he types up and sends another message.

[To: Mom  
Please. ]

It doesn’t take her long to reply, but it feels longer than it is. He tries to focus on the movie to pass the time but he watches it without really seeing it.

[From: Mom  
Okay. You’ve been good about your curfew until now so, I’ll trust your judgement. Stay safe, and send Ryuu-chan my love. ]

He breathes out a sigh of relief and types up his reply.

[To: Mom  
Thank you.]

He drops his phone back onto the bed and takes a few moments to gather his thoughts. 

“Is it cool if I spend the night tonight?” He asks, watching Ryuu as he speaks.

“Thought you weren’t allowed to spend the night anymore.” Ryuu says, still focused on the movie.

“Mom said it was okay. Just this once.” He replies. 

“Oh.” Ryuu says, sounding surprised. “Sure then, you’re always welcome in my bed.”

It’s said as a joke, more of a reflex than a conscious decision, but it falls flat. It seems they’re not quite over their earlier conversation. The movie has been a good break, a way for both of them to have some time to calm down and gather their thoughts, but there’s still so much he’s unsure of and he knows this is something they need to talk about more.

“Mom said to ‘send you her love’” He says. It’s not really what he wants to say but he doesn’t know how to bring up the subject again, doesn’t know if he should.

Ryuu’s quiet, and Noya figures he’s gotten caught up in the movie again, but a moment later he speaks, voice quiet.

“Did you tell her..?” About me? About what happened today? Ryuu leaves the question open ended but Noya knows what he means.

“No.” Noya says. “I just said you had a bad day and didn’t want to talk to your family about it yet.”

Ryuu hums and nuzzles his face against Noya’s chest. 

“Thank you,” Ryuu says, “please… please don’t tell anyone...”

“I won't.” Noya promises.

“Thank you.” Ryuu murmurs again.

It gets quiet again, but he’s pretty sure Ryuu is no longer watching the movie. 

“If- if you felt up for it though… it might be helpful to talk to… someone... who knows more about this kind of thing.” He starts hesitantly. “Like not that you have to but…”

“Before I learned about being gay, before I learned about polyamory, I thought I was broken too. Finding out that I wasn’t and that these are things that other people experience too was really helpful… for me.. So I was thinking? It might be helpful for you too?” That had definitely come out a lot better in his head.

“I’m scared.” Ryuu admits, his fingers tangling into Noya’s shirt.

“That’s- that’s totally understandable.” Noya says. “You don’t have to. But if you did want to… maybe... i don’t know.. Your sister does seem to know more about these kinds of things?”

Ryuu doesn’t respond, but Noya can feel the tension building.

“Or, … or maybe Takeda? If- if you don’t want to talk to Saeko about this..” Noya suggests. He knows Ryuu gets along well with the teacher, and Takeda might know about this sort of thing… or at least he might know where they might be able to find more information about it.

“...maybe..” Ryuu says. It’s not very convincing, but Noya’s just happy he responded this time.

“You don’t have to, I just..” He’s repeating himself, he realizes with frustration. “I just, thought it might be useful.”

The conversation drops after that. He wants to continue it, but he feels so lost. There’s so much he wants to ask, so much he wants to know, but he doesn’t know if now is the best time for it. He feels useless, and he’s sure that if their positions were reversed Ryuu would be doing a much better job at this. 

But that's not the situation they’re in, and Ryuu’s hurting, so he’s just going to have to put aside his own insecurities and push past his less than stellar communication skills and make this work somehow.

“I'm gonna ask some questions, ‘cuz I want to understand this… but if im like, making you uncomfortable or you want me to stop or whatever… let me know?” He says.

Ryuu doesn’t say anything, but he nods slightly against Noya’s chest so Noya pushes onward.

“So.. you didn’t…” he can't think of the right word “notice?... this… until today?”

Ryuu nods again.

He doesn’t want to be rude, but he can’t think of another way to ask this. “How?”

Ryuu shrugs. 

“-thought everyone was like this.” Ryuu mumbles.

“But... the conversations we’ve had with upperclassmen-” Noya can’t imagine having heard those stories and not understanding sexual attraction.

Ryuu shrugs again. 

“People exaggerate.” He says.

“Yeah, some do but.. Everyone?” Noya asks.

“You never talked like that.” Ryuu says. “Not unless I did.”

“Well, yeah… but I was trying to hide that I was gay and that I had a crush on you.” Noya says. 

Ryuu seems frustrated, but again Noya’s pretty sure he’s frustrated with himself not Noya.

“Well. I didn’t consider that. I-” he lets out a shaky breath “I thought it was normal to be like this so its, its not like i was like. Looking for signs of people not being this way...”

Noya supposes that makes sense. He had always just assumed that people were into that sort of thing… he wonders now if anyone else he’s known is like Ryuu and he just never realized. 

“Okay… I think. I think I can get that.” He says. Ryuu’s hand clenches and unclenches in Noya’s shirt nervously. Noya bites his lip. He wants to understand more, thinks it's important, but he just really doesn't know where to lead this conversation. He wants to make Ryuu feel better, but he’s no longer sure what’s okay and what isn’t.

“So… you, don’t like? When we do… stuff?” He somehow manages to ask past his embarrassment, his face burning with a blush. 

If Ryuu hadn't liked it, why hadn't he told him? Had Ryuu felt pressured by Noya's relationship with Asahi? Had Noya pressured him without realizing? They had only fooled around a bit so far, but Ryuu had always seemed a bit more reluctant then Noya had been expecting. He had always just thought he was just shy about this sort of thing.

"It's not like i disliked it... I just. I didn't particularly enjoy it. Like, it always felt good. physically." Ryuu says, and he can see the blush on Ryuu's ears even though he has his face buried in Noya's shirt. "And... i don't know i.. liked when I could make you feel good..." 

"But like. as for myself. i don't know. I... I kind of just prefer to take care of that myself?" Ryuu finishes, voice laden with guilt.

"Is it because I'm bad at.. stuff?" Noya asks. He meant to say something comforting, something to make sure that Ryuu knew he had nothing to feel guilty about, but that was what had come out instead. An insecurity of his taking advantage of his exhaustion to have itself heard.

At this Ryuu lifts his head to look at Noya, eyes wide with surprise and head shaking.

“No. No. I mean… I don’t exactly have anyone else to compare to… but. No. It’s…” Ryuu seems to be struggling again to figure out how to phrase what he’s trying to say. “I’m pretty sure it’s not that.”

Ryuu frowns at himself like he isn't quite satisfied with that response. 

“Is.. is it because you’re not attracted to me?” The question slips out without Noya’s permission. Sounding so quiet and fragile in the air between them.

“No.” Ryuu says. More sure of himself this time. 

He leans up and peppers kisses across Noya’s cheeks and nose. Noya’s not sure whether he feels comforted by Ryuu’s firm denial of his insecurities, or concerned that maybe these kisses too are things that Ryuu is just doing because he feels like he should. 

“No. No, I am. I’m attracted to you.” Ryuu repeats, elaborating. “I… the thought of what… what you did with Asahi…”

The subject of what Noya and Asahi had done this weekend brings blushes to both of their faces, and for a moment they both have to look away to collect themselves.

“Fuck…” Ryuu says, maybe realizing that hadn’t been the best thing to bring up, he clears his throat awkwardly. “I… I am very attracted to you.”

“I guess… maybe?” Ryuu starts again, hesitantly, eyebrows scrunched together in concentration. “Maybe… it’s um… more like. I’m not attracted to… to situations involving me?”

Ryuu groans and buries his face in Noya’s shirt again.

“That doesn’t make any fucking sense I’m sorry.” Ryuu says against Noya’s chest, sounding defeated. “I don’t know.”

Noya can feel wetness seeping through his shirt to his chest, and his heart aches. Fuck, he thinks, he was supposed to be comforting Ryuu not the other way around. He rubs Ryuu’s back in what he hopes are soothing motions. 

He hesitates, but then presses a kiss to the top of Ryuu’s head. Trying to give his boyfriend whatever comfort and reassurance he can while he tries to figure out what to say.

“I… I don’t understand Ryuu.” He says finally, even though he knows he’s already said it so many times tonight. “I… I want to understand… because it’s… it’s something about you and I love you and I want to understand… all of you? But…”

“But even if I never do understand this, that’s ok. It’s not going to change the fact that I love you.” His voice sounds shaky to him, but he hopes Ryuu understands that he is telling the truth, that it's just hard for him to express things. 

“I just… please tell me, it doesn’t have to be right now but…, please tell me if there’s anything we do… that I do... that makes you uncomfortable or that you don’t want to do.” God damn it, he thinks, feeling some tears of his own threatening to fall now. 

“I.. I don’t know what’s okay to do… and I’m so scared I’m gonna do something you don’t want me to without thinking about it because I’m… I’m a dumbass and I’m sorry.” He says, voice trembling now.

Ryuu doesn’t respond, but he squeezes Noya tighter and nuzzles his face against Noya’s chest. At first, Noya thinks he isn't going to say anything. But then…

“I… I like kisses.” Ryuu says quietly. And Noya feels like he practically melts with relief. 

“And I definitely like this kind of thing…” Ryuu says, once again snuggling as close as possible to Noya. 

“And as for the other stuff…” Ryuu says, and Noya feels sick with anxiety and guilt. “I- I wanted to try that stuff, it’s not like you pressured me into doing anything I didn’t want to do.”

“I don’t know how I feel about doing that sort of thing, I don’t think… I don’t think I feel the way you’re… supposed to… feel about it. And… and while I try to figure… all of this… out…. I don't think... we should do that sort of thing.”

“But… I wanted to do it, at the time. And I probably wouldn't have even realized that there was something I needed to figure out yet, if… if we hadn’t already tried some of that stuff…”

Noya’s not sure how much longer they stay like that, tangled up on Ryuu’s bed, holding each other and taking turns crying because they are both just so emotionally exhausted. 

At some point, they must have drifted off, because he wakes to Saeko’s hand on his shoulder. She’s still dressed for work, and it must be late he thinks, noting the concern in her eyes. 

Ryuu’s tucked under one of his arms, and is drooling a bit on Noya’s shirt. Noya feels such an absurd rush of fondness at the sight, though its not one he hasn’t seen before. 

“I think you missed your curfew,” Saeko is saying quietly, “do you need me to drop you off and explain you just fell asleep?”

Noya shakes his head, happily snuggling in closer to Ryuu. Unlike his parents, the Tanaka’s had never instituted a ‘no sleepovers’ rule, though they had respected the one set by Noya’s parents. 

“It’s fine. Got special permission to spend the night.” He says, in response to Saeko. 

“Oh.” Saeko says, looking surprised. She’s crouched down by the side of the bed, most likely so she could wake and talk to Noya hopefully without disturbing Ryuu. One of her elbows rests on the bed, her chin in her hand as she studies them. 

“Rough day?” She asks. Noya doesn’t know how to respond in a way that encompasses everything this day was, so he just nods. Saeko sighs. 

“Anything I need to know about?” She asks. Another complicated question. He still feels like it’d be good for Ryuu to talk this over with Saeko, but that’s not his decision to make. So he shakes his head no.

“I’m sure… I’m sure he’ll talk to you about it if…” he doesn’t know how to phrase this... “If, he needs to.” 

She smiles at him, tired but warm, and kisses them both goodnight, him on his forehead, and Ryuu on the back of his head, as his forehead is still pressed against Noya. 

“Take care of each other yeah?” She says, as she’s about to shut the door to the room on her way out. “Let me know if you ever need anything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed, comments/kudos/messages tremendously appreciated


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I debated about putting this chapter in this fic or whether to put it as its own little side fic since its the only one not in Noya’s POV but i ultimately decided it would just be less confusing to put it here.
> 
> Hope you enjoy~

Asahi is nervous. He manages to still his hands and stop them from fidgeting with his clothes, not wanting to look more of a mess then he is sure he already does. The store had had an inventory last night so he had been there late, counting and recounting everything. Making sure all the records were up to date. He’d finished up sometime in the early morning, the inventory taking longer than normal because of his lack of focus. 

Despite being tired to the bone though, when he arrived home to his empty apartment he hadn’t managed to get much sleep. 

He fidgets with the sleeve of his sweater again, giving up on the notion that he is capable of standing calmly here at Karasuno’s entrance gate, waiting for his boyfriend’s boyfriend to show up.

He and Tanaka had kept in contact even after Asahi had graduated. Their relationship hadn’t really ever been the same after they had both started dating Noya, things had gotten… awkward and uncomfortable between them. But it had always remained civil, what little conversation they did make lately was always about Noya. 

This felt different though. 

[From: Tanaka

Can we meet up sometime? I need to talk to you about something.]

Asahi rereads the message again. They had decided to meet up today, Saturday, by the school gates because it was someplace they both knew and could get to. But Tanaka had never elaborated on what he wanted to talk about.

Asahi feels a bit sick to his stomach. The sensible part of him knows he is probably overreacting, that Tanaka loves Noya and that this can’t be anything too terrible. But still…

“Hey!” Tanaka calls out to him, startling Asahi. Tanaka’s approaching at a jog and seems slightly out of breath. 

“Sorry I’m late” Tanaka says smiling at him broadly and Asahi can feel his stomach flutter, reminding him once again how much he understands Noya’s attraction to his other soulmate. 

Asahi waves his hands, dismissing Tanaka’s apology.

“No no it’s fine, no big deal.” he says.

They stand there, in front of the school gates, awkwardly facing each other and neither seeming to know what to say for a few moments, before Asahi clears his throat.

“Um, you wanted to talk about something?” He asks, rubbing the back of his neck and sounding almost as unsure as he feels.

“Uh, yeah… um..” Tanaka says, and he seems to be trying to find the right words or gather his courage or something-

A baby being pushed in a stroller across the street starts wailing, and though it startles both of them Asahi feels like he can practically see Tanaka deflating in response to being reminded they are in public and there are other people around. There is a blush climbing up his neck and his hands clench and unclench at his sides.

“Do you want to head back to my place?” The question is out of his mouth before he even realizes he’s thought of it, he can feel his own blush beginning to burn his cheeks now. “It’s not too far from here.”

Tanaka nods jerkily, and follows when Asahi starts to lead the way to his apartment. The quiet feels oppressive so he strikes up conversation about simple things, how Tanaka’s classes are going, and Karasuno’s practice match last weekend against Seijou, which he already heard about from Noya.

When they get to his apartment and he fiddles with his keys to let them inside, he tries not to feel self conscious about the old building with it’s peeling paint, or the tinyness of his apartment. 

Asahi grabs them both sodas from the fridge, and Tanaka finds a seat on the couch. Asahi’s pretty sure it be more comfortable if they each had separate seats, but he doesn’t have a lot of furniture still so he takes a seat on the far end of the couch. 

Tanaka takes a few sips of his soda as he seems to gather his thoughts and courage before he begins. Asahi’s stomach feels like it’s tied in knots from wondering what exactly has Tanaka this anxious.

“Um. So…” Tanaka starts. “I’m grey-ace.”

Asahi can only blink at him, he doesn’t know what that means. Is it some kind of volleyball terminology he isn't familiar with?

It seems Tanaka was prepared for Asahi to not know what that means because he barrels on with an explanation.

“Grey-asexual. Autochorissexual more specifically.” Tanaka says. He stumbles over the longer word like he still isn't used to it. “It’s… it’s a type of orientation.”

“Asexuality means that you don’t.. Um that you don’t experience sexual attraction to anyone. And like. Takeda said there’s like a spectrum? So being grey ace means that you’re not 100% ace and not 100% not-ace.”

Asahi isn’t really sure how to react, he’s not sure why exactly Tanaka is telling him this? 

“Okay,” He says, “So you are.. Grey-ace? And… umm.. Auto-something?” 

Shit he already forgot the name, it was long and weird though.

“Autochorissexual” Tanaka responds, and Asahi repeats it under his breath to try and remember. 

“That describes what kind of grey ace I am.” Tanaka explains. “Being ‘autochorissexual’ means like…”

The blush on Tanaka’s face is growing worse by the second now. He looks like he wishes he could just stop talking already, but he pushes on anyway.

“Like there’s a disconnect between me and… and situations or people I am sexually attracted to. Like… I find some things sexy… but.. But I don’t have any interest in participating in such things. Once I’m involved the situation loses all of its appeal.”

Asahi can feel his own face burning with a blush as well, and he wonders once again why Tanaka is telling him all of this.

“Um.. this is something I only recently figured out.” Tanka says, pushing on through obvious embarrassment. “I um… didnt actually realize there was anything… different.. About what I was feeling till a few weeks ago.. When Noya. Um. Told me what you guys did over the weekend?”

What he and Noya had done over the weekend a few weeks ago? His eyes widen and his blush worsens when he thinks back and realizes what Tanaka is talking about. 

Oh.

He and Noya had had sex a few weeks ago. For the first time.

Asahi’s pretty sure he’s never felt more embarrassed in his life. What had Noya said? Asahi’s still sure he had probably embarrassed himself by being awkward or bad at things and…

He’s saved from that particular anxiety spiral by Tanaka clearing his throat and continuing.

“Yeah. That. That, um, made me realize maybe what I was experiencing wasn't as normal as I had thought and. I… I kind of freaked out?”

“I… I just felt like I was broken or something. Like… like Noya deserved better.” Tanaka’s voice is small when he says this, and when Asahi manages to look at him his eyes look tired… and sad. 

“You’re not.” Asahi says emphatically. “You’re a wonderful boyfriend, a wonderful soulmate, Noya…. He loves you so much.”

This he knows is true. As much as Noya had tried to keep things seperate as possible between his two soulmates, probably out of consideration for their feelings over his own, Asahi was more than aware of his boyfriend’s love for his other boyfriend.

Tanaka looks at him, and smiles fondly. 

“Yeah, that’s… that’s what he said.” He says, talking about Noya. “He… um. Had to help me through the initial… freak out… and. And he encouraged me to try to talk about it with someone who might know more about it.”

“And I did.” He continues. “Took a few days to work up my courage but. I talked to Takeda about it.”

Tanaka chuckles, and it almost sounds like a proper laugh and not just nerves, but not quite.

“Turns out he was a good person to ask. He’s aro, meaning that he doesn’t experience romantic attraction to anyone. He thinks that’s why he never got a name.” Tanaka says with a shrug. “Who knew.”

Asahi had always wondered about that, but it was impolite to ask about that sort of thing. He’d always assumed it was probably a sore spot, and he hadn’t wanted to make the teacher feel bad, he knew he’d have felt terrible not having a soulmate and always having people ask about it.

“Takeda wasn’t really familiar with autochorissexuality but he knew enough about aceness in general that he was able to help me find that. And he helped me understand the definition and stuff, because that shit is so hard to understand? I don’t know why they don’t just write it more plainly.”

“Anyway,” Tanaka says, clearly realizing he’d gone on a bit of a tangent. “Realizing all this…” He waves his hand vaguely.

“It’s made me think about a lot of things some more and. And I realized. Um.” Tanaka closes his eyes and pushes forward, faster then before. “I realized… that I um. I have feelings for you.”

“I know we aren’t soul mates.” Tanaka’s holding on to the part of his own arm that has Noya’s name, like even just touching it gives him some comfort or courage. “And it’s totally fine if you don’t feel the same way. We can pretend this never happened if you want to-”

“Does Noya know?” Asahi asks, interrupting.

“Um…” Tanaka falters. “It- it got mentioned, briefly, back… back before he got your name. When. When he first told me he’s gay. But. we haven’t talked about it since.”

“I didn’t want to bring it up with him until I talked to you about it. Because, I figured you probably don’t feel the same way and. I figured what was the point of telling him in that case?”

“What would… what would happen if...how would that even work?” Asahi asks. He knows Tanaka deserves a response, but. He doesn’t really feel right admitting to his one time sort of crush without first understanding what exactly Tanaka is proposing they do. 

Tanaka rubs his hands together nervously.

“Um… if… if you were interested in trying it… um I was going to suggest that. That maybe we ask Noya if he would be ok with… with all three of us spending some time together… romantically. If. If he would be okay with sharing us… with each other?”

Asahi thinks about the possibility for a moment. He knows that’s something Noya would like, he’d been struggling so much trying to keep their relationships separate but equal and stubbornly refusing to ask for help managing that. He lets his mind wander to what it could be like dating both of them, he can feel a tendril of jealousy at the thought of being around Tanaka and Noya as they went on dates and cuddled and kissed in front of him… but… he could kiss Noya too in this scenario, and Tanaka.

He pushes down the surge of longing he feels at the thought of what could be. He still has questions he needs answers to.

“What if we break up?” He asks. He doesn't want to, but- they aren’t soul mates. The possibility of them breaking up is there. 

“If… if we wanted to try this… that’s a risk we’re going to have to take.” Tanaka says, sounding as though he has thought this through. “There’s no guarantee it’ll work out. I guess you’d just have to weigh for yourself whether the possibility is worth that risk.”

“For me, I think it helps that we both have Noya. Ultimately even if we do break up, we have to keep it as civil as possible for his sake… and I trust you to do that.” Tanaka adds on.

Asahi feels overloaded with new information. There’s so much he feels like he needs to processes. He can feel the nervousness radiating off of Tanaka from across the couch. It took a lot of courage to come here and say all this, he deserves an answer. 

“So… how do we ask him?” Asahi asks, and Tanaka's face lights up with a relieved grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it~ Kinda worried this feels too rushed? Idk let me know what yall think, and as always, comments and kudos appreciated.   
> Also hmu on tumblr, my profile here has the info for that. <3<3


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